I realized that food saved my life

In June I was ready to kill myself. I didn’t because of food. I had just lost 46 lbs and was at my lowest weight ever at the time. But I still wasn’t happy. I didn’t think I had anything to live for and I couldn’t see a way out. So I ordered pills online and decided to end my life. The day came and I decided, fuck it, I can break with my healthy diet and eat and drink whatever I want before I kill myself. So I binge drank and ate and bought and smoked weed. Ultimately I never killed myself but just started binging every day. I gained back all the weight I worked so hard to lose and now I’m fatter than ever, probably around 200 lbs at 5 6. I have recently found a way out but now I am faced with the weight loss again and it is so hard. Right now (even though I have a way out in the future) food is still my only thing to live for. So I am stuck. Food saved my life in a way but it is also killing me at this point and I am so tired of having this horrible addiction and fighting and I don’t know what to even do at this point.

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I wish it was just a little easier

I’m overweight and I have always been since I was a child. I was a very active kid played sports year round and I was good not just a participation kid. But I’ve always been heavier which has always caused me shame. I had a golfing opportunity for college and I ended up tearing my ACL in high school and that is when I started gaining so much more weight. I had surgery and everything went downhill. I was in college doing physical therapy for 6 months just to get back to normal functioning. I ended up having some mental health issues and got put on some heavy medications that caused a lot of weight gain. I steadily gained weight as I tried different medications to stabilize my mental health. I continued to work out at least twice a week through college and graduate school but the weight kept coming. I ate decent not the healthiest but not a ton of food either. I quit drinking alcohol almost 9 years ago and didn’t lose weight. I’m 31 now and my knee has been giving me trouble. I met with the doctor today and he says I will need knee replacement surgery eventually but I’m still young so we want to hold off as long as possible. He also said I would have to lose weight before I could have the surgery which I know and believe me I’m trying. But with the pain from my knee walking is hard right now. We are trying cortisone shots right now to hopefully help with the pain so I can get back in the gym. My problem is these mental health medications the ones that work make me gain so much weight. I’ve gained 60 pounds since May because of the medications. I’ve been eating the healthiest I’ve ever eaten since I was in high school. I don’t drink sugary drinks or eat junk food but on occasion. I’ve had lab work done and everything is normal. I feel so defeated because I need to lose weight but I can’t walk because of the pain. I can’t come off my medications because I end up in the mental hospital without them. My insurance doesn’t cover weight loss medication and I’m embarrassed to go to the gym. I’m more determined than ever to lose the weight I want to go to the gym and I want to feel better. I don’t even know where to start. I just wish it was a little easier to lose weight and not so easy to gain it.

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Encountered an unexpected issue since losing some weight?

Hi all.

I've been a lurker/reader of this community since starting my own weight loss journey in Jan of this year. I've been in a deficit and have implemented daily walking for a couple of hours into my evenings every day, and thankfully I'm on my feet all day at work anyway, and I've dropped 3 sizes since then which I'm quite proud of. I think I'm most proud that this is my first attempt (very long overdue) and I've actually managed to persist and stick to everything.

The issue I'm facing is.... an unexpected one that's a bit hard to put into words? At least eloquently haha. Before I started losing weight, I had, unsurprisingly, a difficult time seeing myself which developed into also having difficulty being able to physically touch my body e.g. my hand brushing my stomach when getting dressed, or feeling my arms when putting them in sleeves and so on. This started to go away when I started to drop sizes after a couple of weeks this year.... but now that I'm down 3 sizes, and my body is becoming smaller (even if I can't 'see' it myself yet?) I'm facing this issue again all of a sudden, but for the opposite reason? I put my hand in my shirt recently to pull up my bra strap and brushed my collarbone. For the first time in a very long time, my collarbone looks and feels more prominent, which makes sense given the weight loss... but I retracted my hand quickly and felt the same way I did when this used to happen whilst 'accidentally' feeling the extra weight. I can't touch there, my neck, my wrists and certain points on my arms without feeling this almost repulsion or flinching / being a little bit freaked out by how it feels.

Disgust feels too strong a word? But it's uncomfortable for sure. Icky? Maybe it just feels wrong? But I don't know wether or not to be concerned essentially. Does anyone else have any experience with this by any chance? It makes sense that I used to feel this way when unhappy with my body, but I'm happier than I've been in many, many years at the moment, and did not expect to feel this way about being smaller. I'm a bit worried it'll continue or only grow worse as I continue towards my goal weight, which is a bit of a significant jump.

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how much is reccomended here

I keep trying to diet, I came off a 50kg weight loss diet a year ago but I gain 10kg back (currently 85kg, 6'3, male). I have the self control to probably loose it again but I am very physically active and I don't want to loose muscle.

I go to the gym 5 days a week for 9 hours total and do 2 hours of cardio and a 16k walk on weekend. I keep trying to start dieting again but 2 days into it I feel physically terrible until I eat. I need energy for the rest of my day and I value gaining strength and muscle more than weight loss but I still want to loose weight if possible. What sort of figure am I looking at in terms of calories,

I eat very healthy, oats for breakfast, chicken breast for lunch, mince and sweet potato for dinner sort of thing with maybe a ham sandwich if I need a quick easy snack. I eat probably an average of 180g of protein a day and 100g of carb a day

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30 Day Accountability Challenge - Day 3

Hello everyone! Happy March!

Let’s talk day 3.

Log weight in Libra and share here: Missed this AM. Trend weight 377.2 lbs.

Fruit or veg with every meal, dessert once a week: Breakfast - 🍌 Lunch - 🫑🧅🧄 (meal prep chili) Dinner - 🥦

2,000-2,300 calories: 2,007 ish, air fryer salmon and roasted veggies with fruit for dinner, meal prep chili for lunch, boiled eggs and a banana with a fancy coffee for breakfast. Fruit intermixed when I need a little pick me up.

Log tomorrow’s meals: I have pre logged meal prepped breakfast and lunches for the work week ahead. Tomorrow’s dinner is going to be chicken thighs and roasted veggies.

Don’t spend $ outside of preset weekly budget: On it. Did some pre budgeted spending for a party for my partner’s bday next weekend.

Find a way to enjoy moving my body everyday: Going to take me for a walk. Also trying to shove in more incident movement into the day to deal with some body anxiety. When you can feel the anxiety sitting in your body like an itchy wet suit made of pipe cleaners, you gotta try to move it out. 2/3 days.

Today's gratitude or laugh list: Today, I’m grateful for my family of choice & the people I work with that are not annoying AF. I found joy in the sunshine and comfort in some programming about weight loss on Discovery plus.

Be outside or meditate (sensory grounding) for 5 minutes: Going to check the mail and I took a short little walk about outside during my lunch break. I will meditate before bed. Again, really trying to ground out some anxiety I have been really feeling in my body.

Self-care activity for today: Gonna take a lovely shower and do all the skin care. I’m also going to have a fun time wrapping my partner’s birthday gifts. I love wrapping gifts. I’m a happy little goth elf with my gift wrap station.

How was your day 3 folks?

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Month 3 Check In

Hi all,

I just wanted to record my progress so far in my weight loss journey. Yesterday marked the beginning of my 3rd month. So far, I have lost 21.4 pounds (down to 300.9 from 322.3). My measurements have changed only marginally since last check in, so not much to report there.

I need to be a little bit better about sticking to this commitment since I have had a few more cheat meals than I should have and haven’t always hit my step goals. That being said, I am now finished with all of the exams I needed to take for my job and will have extra time to go to the gym now that I don’t have to spend time studying. I went out and bought myself some new clothes and feel much better than I did before. I’m about a fifth of the way to my ultimate weight goal and I’m ecstatic that I’ve made so much progress. I’m lighter now than I have been since around August 2023. I am on vacation right now, so I expect to gain some weight, but I’m trying to get plenty of exercise in while I’m away so that the damage isn’t too severe.

I hope all of your journeys are going well and wish you all the best of luck!

Best, -J

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Want to lose weight but don't want people to notice

I guess this is a weird one.

I need and want to lose weight for health reasons. I've had some serious health problems (not directly weight related) over the past couple of years and now that I'm better I want to give myself the best chance I can of living as long and healthily as possible.

I don't care about my appearance at all. It just doesn't bother me.

I've lost about a stone so far this year. It's early days and I have a lot more to lose but it's going reasonably well. I think I've worked out how to do this.

But I am also autistic. I struggle with pretty severe demand avoidance and a real horror of being perceived. When people notice things about me it causes a painful cringing embarrassment. I only feel any kind of comfortable if I feel like I'm practically invisible.

Already, people have started making comments, asking if I've lost weight, and it's causing a skin-crawling kind of discomfort. It makes me feel exposed and vulnerable and it takes a huge amount of effort to keep up my nodding and smiling.

I know it's only going to get worse the more weight I lose and it's filling me with dread. It makes me want to not lose weight, even though my logical brain knows my health is more important than my embarrassment.

I'm not sure what I'm asking. This might be more an autism question than a weight loss one. But does anyone else have a similar experience or any suggestions as to how to lose weight when a significant part of your brain is telling you it's going to lead to the most humiliating feeling?

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