6. Getting back into it - gained weight, however making improvements with my mental health.

January 11th, 2021.

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In my last post in November, I mentioned facing mental health issues due to some major life changes, and how it was taking a major toll on my body and overall mindset. I've been working hard on myself since then. Therapy and time have allowed me to start healing, slowly but surely. I'm not a 100% back yet, but back enough to give this weight loss thing another shot.

The driving force to get back into it is three-fold.

1. First - I gained more weight. I stepped on the scale this morning and I'm at a 149 lbs - 4 lbs higher than my starting weight and very close to my highest weight. I refuse to let the scale touch 150.
   
2. Second - I have noticed my physical health deteriorate significantly over the past few months. I've lost a lot of strength. Day to day things I could do around the house are now harder to do. Opening jars, carrying groceries from the car back to my place, etc. I've also noticed how little stamina I have. I get out of breath just walking for 15 minutes, and take a few minutes of sitting down for my heartrate to settle. All the weird aches and pains I had when I was over 150 lbs have all slowly started to come back.
3. Third - I don't fit in 90% of my clothes. I cannot zip up even a single winter jacket. I can squeeze into my jeans, and I sort of fit into clothes that were too big for me, that I kept in order to layer on top of my clothes for winter. Even my underwear and bras are impossible to be comfortable in.

It is what it is. There is no point beating myself up over it. I can bring it under control, and at the very least, stop gaining more weight. I don't plan on buying new clothes to fit into, not until I give this thing a real shot. It's not like I'm going anywhere, any way.

Here's the plan.

I'm going to establish two states: a baseline state, and an ideal state. The baseline state will be my default fall back plan, on difficult days when time is low, stress is high, mental health is not great, or hunger is high. This is when I want to take it easy on myself, without losing any progress that I may have made. Ideal state would be what I should be ideally doing everyday if I was in a great place mentally and 100% dedicated to losing weight. As long as I'm at one of these states or somewhere in between, I'm good.

For my current weight, my TDEE for no exercise is 1644 calories, light exercise is 1884 calories, and moderate exercise is 2123 calories.

Baseline state:

• Eat maintenance calories of 1644, and no exercise - for days when I just don't have the time.
  OR
• Eat maintenance calories of 1884 and exercise for about 60 minutes - for days when hunger is high, due to stress or hormones.

Ideal state:

• Eat 1500 calories or less, exercise for 60 minutes, and walk for 10000 steps.

For the next month or so, these are my limits on both ends. As long as I'm at baseline, ideal or somewhere in between, I'm good. Additional ongoing daily goals include getting enough sleep, drinking enough water, light stretching, and meditation.

Let's see if I'm able to stick to this. If I lose just 1 lb in the whole month, but I'm feeling significantly better physically, that to me would mean I'm successful. I'll dial up the difficulty level when I'm ready for it, which is not now.

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If you want to follow my journey from the beginning, start here: 1. My Introduction

My previous post: 5. Update - life issues, mental health, starting over AGAIN

Stats:

• F, 29.
• Height: 5' 3"
• Current weight: 149 lbs
• Starting weight: 145 lbs
• Goal weight: 125 lbs
• Highest weight: 152 lbs
• Lowest weight: 121.5 lbs
• Dietary preference: Vegetarian

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