Okay I'm new to reddit. A friend suggested me putting my story here and ask for advice after a heart to heart so anyway here I go.
About a year and a half ago I was morbidly obese weighing 225ish pounds. I didn't really weigh myself just used the mirror and clothes for reference. I saw i lost some weight but nothing major, in september my period stopped coming around and Around christmas this year i went to see a doctor as my period had still not come back, she weighed me as part of the visit and I weighed in at 115 pounds. Now important to add to this is i'm 5ft7, so you might see a discripancy here. I was severly underweight. My doctor immediatly rang all the alarm bells, asking me why I had even gon so far in my weight loss etc. I told her just honestly because I'm still fat. That's the whole point of weightloss right? You lose weight until you're not fat anymore.
She sat me down and explained to me that even though I still see myself as fat, I'm not, that she and probably a lot of other people see me as sickly thin and in matter of my health and if i wanted my period back I'd have to gain weight.
I hate this idea, I'm still fat right now, Idgaf about BMI, I've scrolled through this subreddit and I've noticed many people here agree, BMI is bullshit. I'm probably just a skinny fat.
Now the problem really starts when thinking about gaining weight. I've given up so many things to get here. I made sure to "eat the things I love in moderation" etc I hate this.... i hate not being able to just have a day where I grab my bag of m&m's or cookies or whatever and just eat till im happy with what I ate. It makes me fucking miserable, I am fucking miserable. And here's the problem.
Sure I didn't like my body when I was obese/fat, but I still hate my body now, tbh I hate my body even more now cause I worked so flipping hard for absolutely flipping nothing. There was no point to all of this, I hate my life as it is rn because everything is about food, eating and living healthy, and I hate myself. My point rn, honestly what is my motivation to not give up my healthy life style and go back to being obese? At least when I was obese I was somewhat happy, not with how I looked on the outside, but I was happy with who I was, I was less exhausted, and just lived life as I wanted. I can't even do the things I want rn, cause god forbid I can't do my 1h exercise a day because of it that day, or if i can't eat my planned out meals etc etc. It's just miserable
So yeah how do i stay motivated to not give up my new and healthy life style when I'm this unhappy with it ?
Also No I don't have anorexia, i don't qualify for the "Symptoms" for anorexia as they are in the DSM-V
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/367eJSN
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