Hello wonderful Redditors of r/loseit!
I initially made this post as a comment under another post of mine, a progress pic of my weight loss journey/recovery from a 4+ year long struggle with binge eating disorder (BED). It goes without saying that I am not a therapist/psychologist/nutritionist and what worked for me might not work for everyone. Everyone's journey looks VERY different, but I'll list a few things I learned along the way that greatly helped me. This subreddit has been a constant source of wisdom, inspiration, and motivation to me in my recovery, so I'm making this post in the hopes that I might help someone else out there in turn. It's rather long, so I'll put a TL;DR at the bottom.
- YOU WILL NEVER FEEL READY TO START. START ANYWAYS. I can't even count how many times I told myself "I will start recovery once I reach 'X' weight" or "Once I'm happy, I'll stop bingeing." It never worked. That kind of mindset never led me anywhere except further into my eating disorder. Unconsciously, I was still running away from my problems. I was too scared to change. Change IS scary. We naturally gravitate toward our comfort zones, no matter how destructive they may be. But growth never happens under comfortable circumstances. Accept that you will be scared. You will be uncomfortable. Be brave. Feel the fear and do it anyway.
- STOP THINKING IN EXTREMES. For a lot of people (including me), BED develops after a brief period of time of restriction or dieting. My binge episodes were mainly triggered by negative emotions (e.g. stress, shame, sadness), but my relationship with food was also rather unhealthy and exacerbated the problem. I labeled whole/low-calorie foods as "good" and processed/calorie-dense food as "bad." If I ate a "bad" food, it would trigger intense feelings of guilt. My entire day would be ruined and I would decide to just f*ck it and binge. Likewise, if I went over the caloric limit I set for myself, I would decide that I was a failure and binge. This "black and white" way of thinking did not help. At all. Recovering means changing your lifestyle and developing SUSTAINABLE eating habits. For me, that means eating ALL foods in moderation (more on that below) and accepting that eating "perfectly" is an unattainable illusion. If I want a cookie, I eat it, but I don't go and binge on ten cookies after that. If I overate on one day, I don't compensate by starving myself the next day (which would have led me straight into a binge). Some days I eat more, some days I eat less. That's normal. Oftentimes, when I'm unsure if my eating habits are sustainable, I ask myself, "Is this something I can imagine doing for the rest of my life without making myself miserable?" If the answer is yes, great! If not, I make adjustments accordingly. My life should not revolve around obsessing over what I eat.
- DEVELOP HEALTHY COPING MECHANISMS. I mentioned that an important part of my recovery was learning to eat all foods in moderation. But ONLY if I'm eating out of hunger or I genuinely want the food just for enjoyment, NOT to suppress my feelings. For me, eating to deal with uncomfortable emotions is a very slippery slope and can easily lead me to a binge. Besides, no matter how much food I binged, it didn't magically solve any of my problems. It only led to more problems, and a significant amount of physical and emotional pain. I had to develop other ways to cope with my emotions. For me, whenever I feel an urge to binge, I go for a run, go practice piano, read, paint, text a friend - something to occupy my mind and make me feel better. And other times, I just sit with my feelings. Stress and sadness are a normal part of life. I allow myself to feel my feelings. I tell myself I can cry, scream, punch a pillow, blast music. Anything but bingeing. The vast majority of the time, the urge to binge dissipates after half an hour or so and I'm left feeling more confident and hopeful that I can beat this disorder. The first month was the hardest for me in terms of managing cravings, staying positive, and developing healthier habits. Once I got into a groove, recovery felt easier and it's getting easier all the time.
- PROGRESS IS NOT LINEAR. You will fail along the way. You will fail often. I've failed many, many, many, many times. I've relapsed. I've had days when I felt on top of the world and days when I just wanted to break down and cry. And some days were just...hard. Such is the road to recovery. It's a long process, and we're looking for long-term happiness, not short-term gratification. Just as I did not gain all the weight in a month, I shouldn't expect to lose it all in a month either. One binge does not undo all the progress you made in recovery, just as one day of healthy eating does not undo all the damage you did over months and years of bingeing. Falling down won't destroy you. What WILL destroy you is allowing one bad day to turn into two, then three, then a week, then a month. If you fall down, have a good cry, get back up, and keep going. Don't wait for "tomorrow" to start over. There is no starting over. Pick up right where you left off, even if it's 8 hours deep into a binge, and KEEP GOING. Finish every day strong. I had a lot of unhealthy habits that I'd developed over YEARS, and I knew that it would take years to unlearn them and replace them with healthy habits. My recovery is still very much a work in progress, but every now and then, I remind myself to look back and be proud of how far I've come.
- DON'T BE AFRAID TO SEEK HELP. Personally, I tried therapy and it didn't work for me. It could be that I just didn't click with my therapist, or maybe I just didn't try it for long enough. In any case, I felt that talking about my problems didn't really help me solve them. That being said, many people find success working with a professional, so don’t let me discourage you! Professionals can help you work through underlying issues behind your binge eating disorder and develop healthy coping mechanisms. It doesn't matter who you decide to enlist to help you, as long as you are not alone. I did tell my family about my struggle, and they have been an invaluable support system to me. Eating disorders thrive in secrecy and isolation. There is absolutely NO shame in seeking help. None. Zero. Everyone struggles with something. It's human. You don't need to struggle with this alone.
- NEVER, EVER, EVER GIVE UP. Just don't. Don't do it. If it sucks, giving up won't make it suck less. If you're discouraged because you're not progressing as fast as you'd like, giving up certainly won't speed up your progress. Even if you're smack dab in the middle of the worst relapse you've ever experienced, it's NEVER too late to pick yourself back up and keep going. Recovery is HARD. It's PAINFUL. It took more strength and willpower than frankly anything I've ever done before. I didn't think I had the strength to do it. I didn't think I had the discipline, especially when things got hard. But what I learned was that discipline is so much more important than motivation. Motivation is fleeting. What will keep you going during the difficult days is discipline and the strength of your resolve. As I overcame more and more hurdles, I came to realize that I have that strength. I have that willpower. I have the courage and I have the discipline. And SO DO YOU. Willpower is like a muscle. We ALL have it, and the more you exercise it, the stronger it becomes. Remember WHY you are doing this. You are doing this because you want to be healthier. You want to have ENERGY. You want to be CONFIDENT in your body and you want to be HAPPY. And if you don't recover, you won't achieve those things! You ARE stronger than your urges to binge. You CAN do it. Deciding to recover is like igniting a spark inside you. Some days it burns brighter, some days less so, but as long as you fan the flames and keep it burning, you will succeed. Recovering is one of the best things I have ever done. Never could I have imagined that I could be so happy.
I'm probably omitting some things but this post is getting ridiculously long so I'll leave it here. If you've read this far, I love you and I so, so appreciate you! I am proud of you for not giving up. I believe in you. Keep going. Keep fighting the good fight. If I can do it, so can you!
TL;DR - You will never feel "ready" to start. Start anyways. Stop thinking in extremes ("black and white" thinking). Develop sustainable eating habits and healthy coping mechanisms for negative emotions. Progress is not linear. Don't let setbacks discourage you. Don't be afraid to seek help. And don't EVER, EVER give up!
Much love to you all.
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