I made a post once I crossed from obese into overweight and wanted to post again once I made it to a healthy BMI. Well, I just hit 157 lbs this morning, which puts me at a BMI of 24.59, so goal achieved! I’ll share some more stats with you:
- My starting BMI was 37.27, which meant I was Obese Class 2, or “severely obese”.
- I lost 81 lbs from my start weight of 238 lbs. This means I lose 34% of that weight to get to where I am now. As in I shed over a third of myself.
- I went from a size 20/22? (not entirely sure as I wore mostly stretchy things or maternity stuff) to a size 10. Also from 2XL to medium (though some of my medium tops are starting to feel kinda large). And a 40DDD bra to a 36DD.
- I lost 9 inches each off my waist and hips.
- I went from being someone easily exhausted from any type of exercise to a person who loves moving all day and can keep up in the toughest exercise classes offered by my studio.
The last time I weighed this little was over a decade ago, and even then, I was never in that healthy range for very long. I struggled with an endless cycle of deprivation to lose weight, eating more once I couldn’t stand it anymore, and gradually overeating and bingeing to a higher weight. I also was never happy with what I weighed and had a ton of anxiety about my weight, partly because I couldn’t see a way that I could possibly make it last. I sometimes binged and purged as well. I couldn’t shake this constant hunger and obsession I had with food. I thought about what I was going to eat next pretty much every moment of the day (sometimes even dreaming about endless buffets of food that never made me full), and I literally couldn’t tell the difference between hungry and bored, depressed, or anxious. It didn’t help either that I had trouble getting through college, staying in good standing at jobs, and managing finances and daily tasks.
Right now, I’ll tell you that if there’s no other wisdom I can impart to you, I want you to take this in: You need to sort out your mental health before you can make permanent change in improving your physical health. I actually tried very hard to do that for a long time. I saw several mental health specialists from age 14 on. Nobody ever formally tested me, but after talking to me, I was always diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I tried various dosages and types of antidepressants and anti anxiety meds over 14 years, and I saw several therapists. Nothing really helped, and I kept running into the same problems over and over in my life no matter how hard I tried. Then, when I was 28, right after I’d been fired from another job and had been unsuccessful for several months conceiving a child with my husband, a therapist suggested I get tested for ADHD. I’d had this idea that ADHD was reserved for hyperactive and disruptive little kids, but the more I learned about it, the more it completely clicked with me. I got formally tested, and diagnosed with severe combination type ADHD. This meant I exhibited every symptom to a severe degree. I started taking meds, and it was crazy how much it helped with everything right away. Coming back to weight loss, healthy eating and eating less suddenly felt like a real choice. One of the problems associated with ADHD is that the brain lacks dopamine and has trouble taking it in, so it constantly seeks it out. It also needs things that flood the brain with high amounts of dopamine, because the lower amounts basically do nothing. Because of this, ADHD people are 6 times more likely to have an addiction and significantly more likely to be obese than neurotypical people. In fact, it’s estimated that at least a third of obese people have ADHD. If any of this story jives with your experience by the way, please take this self assessment for ADHD.
Anyway, I was starting to feel pretty good for pretty much the first time ever, and I was looking at ways to work on my weight, and then I got pregnant like a month into starting Adderall. I ended up having to go off it for pretty much the whole pregnancy as well as the first couple months after. I also had a pretty shitty pregnancy and labor, but I at least didn’t gain a ton of weight. However, I walked into my 6 week postpartum check up and saw 238 lbs on the scale, and I know I wanted to change. Now I had the additional motivation of keeping up with my daughter and being a good role model to her. I started treating my ADHD again and I ate less and moved more. I actually had a breakthrough watching my sister in law (a small fit woman who’s always maintained her weight) around Christmas, and started portioning out my calories like she did: very tiny amounts of things most of the time, occasional indulgences but never huge amounts, skipping stuff that doesn’t feel worth it. I ate less added sugar and more protein and fiber, and I saved about half my calories for the end of the day when I knew my meds would be wearing off. I actually haven’t calorie counted. Like, I’ve kinda kept track in my head in the moment, and I have a pretty good idea of how many calories something has because of years and years of failed dieting, but I don’t keep a calorie log at all. The weight has kinda melted off ever since then. It’s obviously going slower now than it used to, but it’s still consistent and steady, and I’m comfortable with how I’m eating now, which is seriously awesome. I would not have believed anyone if they’d said to me a couple years ago that I could keep eating and drinking all the stuff I loved and maintain a healthy weight or that I could be satisfied and not starving eating the small portions that I consistently eat now. I’m pretty close to goal weight now, and I’ve been working more and more to get some strength building exercise in to change my body composition.
Here’s some unexpected pros from losing all this weight:
- I’m totally cool with being in pictures now, makeup or no, wearing whatever clothes. I was super self conscious of it most of my life, which is why I have almost no full body shots at higher weights.
- I love trying on clothes now and can’t wait to build a whole wardrobe of clothes I love again.
- I rarely get tired from physical activity. I can walk 10 miles straight and be pretty exhilarated instead of worn out and sore. Exercise feels invigorating instead of actively awful.
- I had no idea how sore and uncomfortable my body had constantly felt until it just stopped feeling that way. It was kind of gradual, and then I realized that none of my joints hurt, and I felt like a little kid again: able to do anything without feeling self conscious of my size or appearance.
- People are a little nicer to me. And nobody gives me a skeptical look when I say I want to try something physically demanding.
- Body parts don’t rub together in an unpleasant way anymore. I can do yoga poses I couldn’t before because there’s less fat in the way. My thighs don’t rub together when I walk. And I’m not all sweaty and sticky at the end of the day under my boobs or in the space between my lower belly and crotch.
- Sex is a lot better. My husband was never less attracted to me with the weight gain, but I was more self conscious. I’m confident, more fully present in my body, and I have a lot more energy and endurance.
- I can handle heat like a boss, and I’m not a sweaty mess as soon as it’s over 75 degrees anymore.
Here’s some unexpected cons:
- I run out of clothes that fit all the time. I literally just got some stuff from Target a couple months ago to get through the summer, and they’re already too big and won’t work for next year. This is a nice problem to have, but kind of an expensive problem. I wish I knew where my body would settle so I could get a bunch of nice stuff at that size instead of having to keep buying cheap placeholder clothes.
- Loose skin is kind of a bummer. Honestly, for having a baby, losing a lot of weight fairly quickly, and being 30, it’s not as bad as it could be. I have a bit just about everywhere (most notably my breasts, thighs, and stomach), and I’m mostly fine with it, but my stomach kinda bums me out. Part of it is that I know I’d probably be able to fit pants better and be a lot more shapely if I didn’t have the loose skin there. I also really don’t care for the way it hangs down a few inches off of my abs when I’m in a plank position. Here’s an album of pics that shows a bit about what I mean. All of that said, I know it could look a lot better in a year or so, that I can hide it pretty well with clothes, and that if it stays like that I could always consider surgery. It’s all still 100% worth it to feel the way I do now and have my awesome daughter.
- People treat you nicer in ways that make you realize how shallow everyone is. I’m more confident now, sure, but I’m also a little more abrasive now in some ways because I don’t care how people think of me as much as I used to. Also, I wasn’t confident at all at my lowest weight in college, and people we’re still outwardly nicer to me, if often a bit patronizing and dismissive in other ways (because “pretty” girls can’t be smart I guess or something).
- I’m cold pretty often now, and I’m really not looking forward to what winter is going to feel like with this much less fat on my body.
- My joints don’t hurt anymore, but my bones against firm surfaces do in a way they never have, even when I was at a lower weight in college for a bit. My cheekbone sometimes hurts pressed against a firm mattress. My butt bones hurt when I sit on a lot of things. My collarbone, elbows, ankles, and knees run into stuff and hurts. And my knees hurt when I hold them together lying on my side unless I put a cushion in between. It’s all pretty weird.
- I’m at the point of weight loss where plenty of well-meaning people are telling me to stop or encouraging me to indulge more, and it’s kind of annoying. That said, I’m a lot better at not listening to stuff like that than I used to be.
So that’s where I am now. Here’s a couple more before and after pics too. If anyone has any questions about any of this stuff, let me know. Good luck to all of you in your own journeys!
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