Im not sure If this is the place to post this but I need to let this out so here it goes. I’m 33. I started my weight loss at 480lbs. I’m now 280lbs and getting closer and closer to my goal. Two days ago I was on my daily walk and a car drove by and the passenger yelled “PICK UP THE PACE FATASS!” as they drove by and then everyone in the car laughed. Took everything in me not to cry, so I waited til I got home and then let it all out. I wish I could say this is the first time something like this has happened.
When I first started losing weight 8 years ago I was too scared to join a gym, didn’t want to be judged, so I started going for walks. I had people moo at me, throw things at me, and call me all sorts of fat names. I pushed through and started walking on greenways instead. After enough weight loss I finally joined a gym and became comfortable in that environment.
After losing 200lbs I still deal with this. I even moved across the country and it followed me. After moving I was in Kohl’s one day and a total stranger walked up to me to tell me I was too big to shop there and nothing was going to fit me. I said fuck you and went and checked out with what items I had. I’m an XL now and Kohl’s sells up to 5x. Shortly after that I was working as a delivery driver and was unloading my truck in front of a busy restaurant with patio seating and someone through a bottle from a car going past and called me a fatass. Everyone on the patio saw and heard. I finished unloading my truck and got back in and cried.
At what point am I not going to be a fatass to people? I know I shouldn’t care about what strangers thinks, but damn. I’ve worked so hard and made so many changes over the past 8 years. I quit smoking, drinking, completely changed my relationship with food, started therapy. I’m out here trying. The gyms are closed now so I have to exercise outdoors with no greenways around. I want to give up. I just want to be a regular person that can be outside without something yelling at me or throwing things at me. Maybe I’m just too sensitive and need to learn to ignore people. I don’t know.
If anyone reading this has been through this, I’m sorry you had to experience that. You deserve better. I deserve better.
Thanks for listening.
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