Cutting to the chase, I'm an aspie, and I've been early pensioned for 8 years now, due to social anxiety and other issues related to abusive childhood and aspergers. In my mid-teens (29 now), I started comfort/over-eating due to depression and wanting to avoid attention from men romantically, and it's coming back to backfire now, as I did expect it to do, but chose to do it anyway because... At the time, it helped me cope and not lose my mind.
Anyway, I'm on a budget, I've tried diets and programs before with no success, I've tried half a year with a personal trainer, whom I really did like, but I can't afford to keep her. Secondary problem to that is also losing motivation and courage to continue because it was a slow process. I both exhibit ADD tendencies and depression states don't help either. Consecutive days where I just want to bury myself and stop existing have sabotaged things before. Both medicated and unmedicated, I'm unmedicated now as there's no need for it in general, and side-effects are something I really don't want to deal with either.
I weigh 245 pounds/115kg appr. and would like to get down to around 154 pounds/70kg's, not just for being healthier, but because my selfworth and self-esteem is completely tanked. I know it's good mentally to love yourself as you are, but I can't. I don't feel good as I am, and I feel inhibited in my behaviour as I am, and I want to change it.
A friend and I have decided to start going to the gym starting next week if everything goes well, but I want to do all the preperation I can to make this succeed.
I want to lose weight as fast as possible and switch to a healthy and sustainable diet following that, as I'm otherwise terrified that I'll just crack under pressure again.
Regardless, any advice would be very appreciated.
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