Dear doctor,
Not long ago, you saw my mom at the urgent care center where you work. She’d come in to get some antibiotics for a simple UTI. You didn’t even talk to her about the UTI. Instead, the very first thing you said to her upon entering the room was, “Do you know what a calorie is?” Then when she was shocked into silence, you proceeded to tell her she needed to eat a certain number of calories and then stop. “I need you to experience something you probably never have before – hunger.”
Now, I’m sure your heart was in the right place. Obesity is an epidemic in this country, and it’s killing us in droves. I’m sure you see the effects of it day in and day out. And after all, her blood pressure was high and losing weight can help lower that.
But still. What the hell were you thinking?
Do you think she doesn’t know she’s obese? Do you think she hasn’t been inundated with pressures to lose weight and with information on just how to do that? Do you think she hasn’t tried hundreds of those diets and weight loss tips over the years?
Had you truly cared, maybe you’d learn that she does, in fact, know she’s overweight. That she first went to a weight-loss clinic when she hit 136 pounds because she thought she needed to lose 21 pounds. (She’s 5’9”.) And you’d learn that she’s hated her body ever since. That’s almost 40 years of self-loathing. You’d also learn that her weight was such an embarrassment to her, she avoided doctors at all costs. To the point of leaving a known tumor untreated until it was the size of a basketball, and then only sought treatment because it had twisted her appendix beyond recognition and was causing excruciating pain.
If it was me walking into your exam room, you probably would have said the same thing to me. But what you don’t know is that I’ve been going to doctors for two years trying to lose weight, but have instead gained nearly 100 pounds. That they have me on a very strict 800-calorie diet while training for marathons and I’m still barely maintaining my weight. You’d probably just accuse me of cheating on the diet. Because of course your narrow-minded and shallow perception of weight can’t possibly be wrong. I’m fat, so I must be lazy and unmotivated.
You’ll probably say that there’s something physiologically wrong with me, and that I’m the exception, not the rule. This is probably true. But do you think weight loss is really that simple for anyone? Were you aware that according to the American Journal of Public Health, women classified as obese have a 0.008% chance of ever achieving a “normal” weight? And I don’t have any numbers to back this up, but I’m pretty sure almost every single one of those women don’t want to be obese. Of all the overweight women I’ve known in my life, I’ve only ever known one who embraced their weight. The rest hide and diet and mostly loathe themselves because they fail over and over again.
Do you know why they fail? Do you even care to know? Or is your conscience assuaged by making rude and assumptive comments to people who you know nothing of their history? Because you’ve done your job. You’ve told an obese woman in no uncertain terms that she is, in fact, fat and needs to stop it.
If you’re not prepared to help these people fight their demons and re-learn a way of living; if you’re not prepared to understand that weight loss is a multi-faceted and very emotionally involved process; if you’re only going to tell your patients they’re fat; maybe just…don’t.
Because my mom came to you for a UTI. And she left with an antibiotic most doctors don’t use any more because of its high propensity to cause permanent nerve damage, a deeper complex about her weight issues, and an even stronger hatred for doctors. What she did not receive is any help in actually losing weight or getting healthier. You, sir, are a bad doctor, and a pretty shit person.
Sincerely, A pissed off daughter
I needed to vent. Sorry if this isn’t the place. But this just reminded me of an experience I actually had here. Where I came for help and essentially was told I must be lying about my calorie intake. I know we’re not doctors here so you couldn’t have known I have some underlying issue. But I’m still a person. I just hope we can all try to remember there are actual people behind all the fat. And try to be a little more understanding and compassionate to our fellow human beings. You don’t know where they’re coming from. Don’t assume.
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