Hi everyone, I’m new here and I wondered if you could offer advice on rewriting thought processes?
A little background:
I’m 32f from U.K. and today I am officially starting my weight loss journey (again). I was brought up by a narcissistic mum who spent the whole of my childhood telling me how fat I was, putting me on diets and restricting my food; I was fainted at school because I hadn’t eaten for two days. I was not overweight, I was just not a dainty little girl and this was in stark contrast to my female family members who are all genetically predispositioned to be short and slender. I took after my dad’s side and was medium framed and had curves by the time I was a teenager. My mum hated my “giant arse” and it was brought up a lot how unsightly my breasts were.
All of this negativity about my body meant that in my early to mid-20s I was obsessed with my weight. I would eat as few as 500 calories a day, a lot of days, but would later binge anyway. I worked out constantly - literally the gym 4 times a week minimum, running in the morning and evening and I had a very active career and home life which meant I was constantly on my feet. However, I never got below a U.K. size 12 and was still berated by my mum for being too fat. I measured my self worth by my size and weight , but I realise I’m hindsight (and from old photos) that I was actually very physically fit and my weight was likely more muscle weight and natural body shape.
I had a mental breakdown when I was 27, the reason for which is unimportant, but it did result in my lifestyle completely changing. I haven’t been to the gym since and at this point I’m too afraid. In between this happening, I was also diagnosed with PCOS, a hormone imbalance which makes it more difficult to lose weight.
My weight gain escalated massively and I am now 85lbs+ heavier than I have ever been, and am at least 100lbs overweight. I put this issue on the back burner and focussed on fixing the parts of my life that would improve my mental health. I’ve taken therapy and am finally feeling as though I can finally tackle this.
However, I had a lot of time to read science papers while I was recovering. Some research I read said dieting will damage your body long term and essentially change your body’s “goal weight”, regardless of what your goal actually is. The theory is that my body got fat so fast because it had been deprived for so long and took the opportunity to store fat in case of famine... I believe there’s something to it but the paper more or less said “don’t ever diet to lose weight or else you’ll get fatter”. which gives me an excuse in my head to not even try hard.
I want so badly to be able to stop that thought from coming in and to try to lose weight, and more importantly to maintain it. I don’t expect to ever be the size I used to be but even losing 50lbs at this point would be a huge blessing.
TL;DR: disordered eating from a young age, currently massively overweight. Fought mental demons (mostly) and now looking to fix weight.
Sorry for the long post, but please if anybody has an advice, could you share?
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3dUoDIO
No comments:
Post a Comment