So since I was 9 or 10 I've always been the fat kid of the group. I got to the obese range at around middle pf hogh school maybe. Thats when I started really depressed. People wpuld start ignoring me all the time, and only talk when I try to talk to them. Most of them were my classmates. No one ever really invited me to anywhere such as a party or an outing until after high school. Even when they were talking about it and I asked where are you going, they will just act like they never spoke about it. So I dont know why this always has to happen to me so I felt like I was always annoying people. Or otherwise it was because I was fat that people didnt like me.
I went to an a boys high school, so I never really got the confidence to talk to girls, or to go up to my middle school crushes and talk to them. During most of high school I was that guy who got bullied all the time no matter what, and basically I was the meme of the grade. This made me so insecure about my body and myself or the way I act. I haven't even had a female friend since I was 10 or 11. So late primary school and all of high school was very lonely for me. I tried to fit in but all I got was fat jokes and other jokes about my body or my appearance. Now I basically have zero confidence and I dont know how to build that up again unless I loose weight. I dont feel like I can do anything productive until I finish loosing weight. Also a lot of times when I ate fatty food or junk food I always got comments on my weight, but then If there is a skinny or fit person eating the same amount they would get no comments and they will be called 'a beast' and people will actually compliment them. Now I have anxiety to eat with other people or eat with a group of people in public, so I always try to eat in private or at home.
Now I am 19 and about to start second year of uni, my first year was all online because my uni shut down. Im scared that no one will talk to me because I am overweight. And it will be very embarrasing and I will have flashbacks from high school. Its very hard for me to make friends because I am shy and because I had very little friends my whole life and never been in a big friend group who will accept me for who I am. I also want to start dating but I have fear of being rejected because of my weight, or that girls won't talk or want to be with me because of my weight. Or being embarrased because of my weight. I don't even have a facebook or insta profile picture because I feel like if I post a picture everyone will laugh and make memes of it. Even if i finish loosing weight I feel like it will be very awkward and weird because people will start complimenting me more, but I have never gotten any about my appearance before so I won't be used to it and people will start assuming I am this alpha male guy who is very confident but in reality I am still kinda introverted.
I have lost 13-14kgs so far but I lost motivation for aome reason because I feel like everyone will act shallow towards me if I loose the rest of my weight, and they will treat me differently, just because I lost weight. Maybe I will befriend them and not talk to them anymore, and try to find new people to be friends qith but not talk to them about my weight loss. So I dont really know what to do. I just dont feel like I can have fun in life until I loose weight. Its making me kinda crazy now since I am thinking about weight loss nearly 24/7 apart from my sleep. So I cant concentrate on studying or trying to find a job and stuff like that.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3p58OoH
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