For reference, I am a 5’2 woman and have gone from 140 lbs (63 kg) to 120 lbs (54 kg) in roughly 6-7 months. My goal weight is 110-115, though I don’t mind being heavier if it’s muscle mass. I have recently started going to the gym with a friend who is around my height and obese. When I first started losing weight and getting excited about it (therefore declining offers to get regular takeout, shopping for new clothes when mine got loose, and speaking candidly about my successes and failures overcoming BED) she came to me and we discussed how me doing all this made her more insecure and unworthy because she didn’t really want to lose weight. We settled on me simply not talking about my journey in front of/to her, which seemed to work fine. Recently however, as stated, we have been going to the gym, as she wants to lose a few pounds of quarantine weight, but is very adamant that get main goal is NOT weight loss, it’s just to be healthier, because she is fine being fat and thinks there’s no reason to lose weight or get “skinny” unless it’s medically necessary. Now here’s my issue—I am technically a healthy BMI. I don’t “need” to go from a size 8 to a 6. But I want to because I like how I look that way. I like seeing my jawline sharpen, and being proportional (I carry my weight almost exclusively in my stomach). I am motivated by aesthetics at this point. I keep my mouth shut of course, because I don’t want her to think she “should” be my size or that I don’t consider how different her experience of life has been as an obese woman. But it does make me feel a bit shallow for doing what I’m doing. When she talks about not succumbing to internalized fatphobia, I wonder what she must think of me.
So, r/loseit, what do you think? Should I stop focusing on the scale when I’m technically healthy? Should I talk to my friend about how our rhetorics are different or would that be insensitive?
TL;DR: I’m a healthy weight but want to lose a few more lbs for aesthetics. My friend says losing weight for non-health reasons is fatphobic/unnecessary.
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