I wrote earlier about being sad that I have to re-work my diet because I have been having issues with sugar over the last 18 months. That I work out vigorously, previously had successful, long lasting weight loss and that my diet had slipped. The first, reasonable responses were about calories. I am well aware of CICO and that this is the first thing that a person has to look to when there are weight changes. I have logged my food, weighing it and all, every day with the exception of a couple handfuls, consistently for the last 7 years. This is the same as my exercise (4-6 days a week, 3-4 days vigorous strength/cardio, 2-3 yoga). I wanted to believe that it was my thyroid and kidneys as a result of medication (as that has been something that came up in the last 10 months), because I didn't want to admit that while I was keeping my calories reasonable (usually under my TDEE, though not always, and at least once a week, a solid 500 calories over), they were switching from whole foods to more processed foods. I began to feed again on foods that our bodies do want to hang on to more strenuously, even if it is within our calories/macros, that offer little but fat stores. Not all calories are equal - and a mini chocolate tart at 290 calories isn't going to move through our system as smoothly and healthfully as 290 calories of a tropical fruit salad topped with cottage cheese. I mentioned the breakfast with cottage cheese because it is what my husband cites, because it is what he sees...because I have BED and I am a secret eater, I even include it when logging all of my food. My binge eating has just become more frequent, and it has become less about lower sugar sweets like biscotti and yogurt, and switched to chocolate chips and sweets from the bakery or ice cream and peanut butter on everything. I hope that makes much better sense than what I wrote earlier which really wasn't helpful at all.
Basically, I'm not treating my body well, my calories are inconsistent and even on the 5-6 days per week that I am eating at or under TDEE, they are not quality calories, and my body has the genetics of a long line of short, stout sicillian women that have thick ankles and stout torsos. We love to hang on to every bit of butter and sugar morsel we can, so I have to fight it and I had for years....and I just fuckin' slipped and it sucks because I know that it's my fault, so I have to do the work. And I'm sad that I let myself down.
I just have to put the work back in and retrain my taste buds to not want to refined crap again. I just don't know how I let it all get this far. But here I am, starting from what feels like square one all over again...except this time I'm already in the fitness habit, and do have a broad depth of knowledge about nutrition as well a nutritional/ed coach to help me through, so it's not really square one at all. I guess ultimately, I'm just whining. So thanks for the space to let me whine. :)
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