Ok I've never done this before so please bear with me. I (29M) am currently 6'2 "380lb ish" cause my weight fluctuates alot (370s to 390s). I grew up extremely active, my parents would run me from swimming to baseball and back to a second swim practice all in one day. I did this for 15ish years, I ended up playing waterpolo and practicing with a very intense coach and team for between 4-8 hours a day everyday. At one point I was under 7% body fat and was required to eat around 4k calories a day to maintain muscle structure and energy.
Well life happened some bad stuff went down (I won't go into detail) I ended up drinking alot and doing some pretty hard drugs to cope with my emotions. I essentially fliped the bird to my former lifestyle (because I honestly hated the pressure of feeling like I was never good enough or wasn't strong enough or fast enough) with the exception of eating 4k calories a day.
I ended up going to NA and I've been clean for almost a decade now. My last real vice I can't seem to conquer is food. I mean I've kicked heroins ass why the hell can't I seem to master my eating.
I keep starting to lose weight and do well for a week or so, sometimes I can get 2 months of healthy eating and weight loss under my belt but I always seem to mess it up and get bigger and bigger. I feel so hopeless. My fiancé loves and supports me but its clearly messing up our sex life (I've gotten so out of shape I can't maintain any form of cardio for long). In my head I'm still 6'2 175lb of muscle, then I look in the mirror or see a picture of myself and I freak the heck out. I have to lose almost 200lbs to be healthy again that seems so impossible. I know my weight will kill me if I don't fix it. I just feel broken. I've made so many mistakes, I've messed up so many chances in life and I've don so much to fix them. I can't figure out why my weight is such an incredible challenge for me. I should be able to crush this and move on. Thanks for letting me vent.
TLDR: I used to be in shape and workout alot, I got real sad and drank drugged and ate my feelings. I've fixed almost everything but can't manage my weight. Am a big ol sad boy.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3qD5D87
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