Accountability Buddies

Hi all,

I'm lucky enough to have a supportive community that I can talk to about specific aspects of my weight loss. However, there are some things I feel like I don't want to tell anyone that I'm that close to in my life. Be it because I fear judgement, find it might be triggering, think they'll think it's gross, etc.

So, I'm in search of a few like-minded young women who want to have a little support group, maybe in the form of a group chat. I don't want to link a Facebook and I'd prefer to stay somewhat anonymous for personal reasons.

I'm 25, a female, and a graduate student/young professional. If that sounds relatable to you, I'd love to hear from you. Send me a message :)

Hope everyone enjoys the rest of their weekend.

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I'm afraid of losing weight and being attractive and it's keeping me from committing 100% and losing weight. But I also hate being in my fat body.

I've been lurking and trying to lose weight for awhile now. I keep trying, my best streak was losing 20lbs, but I gained it back.

I hate being fat. I'm disgusted with my body, I'm ashamed being around other people. My bf is fat as well, and even though he tells me I'm beautiful and we still have great sex, I still feel like the way I look effects us sexually in other ways. But idk if I'm just being paranoid.

Onto the problem. I'm scared of losing weight. I'm scared of being attractive. I've had a number of bad experiences with men. Small amounts of physical abuse when I was a kid. First bf lied and manipulated me so I would date him, did some weird/creepy stuff, hurt me once, and when I broke up with him he had his friends sexually harass me at work. Second bf raped me, sexually abused me, emotionally abused me. And I was raped by an acquaintance. I have a lot if fear issues around men, and I feel like being fat at least reduces my chances of further bad experiences. I still have the occasional attention, sometimes it's pleasant and is a confidence boost, but I still get creepy and bothersome stuff too. Both are pretty rare and I know if I was attractive like I used to be it would be more frequent and I can't deal with that.

I try to lose weight, and have problems with stress/emotional eating. I will do well, but then get impulsive and think "well, I may be failing, but at least I will still have my safety blanket of fatness if I give in. Fuck it, I can't deal with creeps, it's better to be fat." Which thing I care about, weight loss or my fear, varies from day to day and mood to mood.

I've had therapists, I've done individual and group therapy. Not currently in it because I feel like I know everything they'll say and tell me to do, and it's not working anymore. I progressed for awhile, then felt like I hit a plateau. I'm on meds as well, which also has helped but not enough. I don't know what to do anymore, I feel hopeless and lost.

I also have medical issues that make weight loss and exercise more difficult, so I feel like that's just another hurdle that makes it all harder.

I just wanted to get this off my chest, and see if anyone else can relate or have advice.

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AITA for wanting to help my [28] GF [26] lose weight?

TL;DR: My GF wants to lose weight but doesn't want to put in any kind of effort. Our mutual agreement to be weight loss buddies quickly became ineffective for her and any kind of motivation and encouragement from me is now met with annoyance or aggressive behavior from her.

So my GF has expressed frustration on multiple occasions over having gained weight over the past 2 years. She sometimes shows 3-4 year old pictures of herself to me and mentions with regret that the clothes in those photos don't fit her anymore. She also told me that she was in better shape because she exercised regularly but hasn't in quite a while. I lost about 17 kg 5 years ago - mainly by CICO - but gained some of it back in the past year. So seeing an opportunity to help her out while losing a bit of weight myself, I offered to be her weight loss buddy. I thought that it would be easier for both of us as we could motivate each other because I didn't really have the drive to lose weight on my own again. At the time, she seemed open to the idea and agreed. I explained to her how CICO works, we calculated her TDEE and BMR and I had her download the same app I used so she could easily track her meals. She also got her old fitness DVDs out, which were a big part of her workouts a few years ago. Everything seemed to be on track.

Fast forward a couple of months and our little weight loss program is going poorly. She stopped tracking her daily calories honestly after only a few days and only does it rarely anymore. I try to remind her every now and then in a friendly manner and even try to make it easier for her by offering to count for her that day or to help her quickly weigh anything she plans to eat, but I get immediately annoyed reactions from her. She's also eating poorly and having a bunch of chocolate and candy on most days. I mostly keep up with counting my calorie intake and I'm making slow but steady progress with my weight loss. But I feel like it's getting harder and harder because I enjoy many of the unhealthy things she eats while at home and I sometimes can't control myself. Receiving no motivation from her doesn't help either.

Our amount of exercise also went down considerably. We started with doing 20 mins of one of her DVDs daily, regularly switching up routines. But we quickly reduced that to 3 workouts per week. Now it's more like once a week, if even that. In the beginning, she had no problem doing the workouts daily but nowadays there's always the "I don't want to today, leave me alone. I'm doing it tomorrow." excuse. If I somehow get her to work out with me by showing enthusiasm and encouraging her, she tries for a bit but then shuts the video off angrily as soon as it gets a bit more intense. And with her not wanting to exercise properly anymore, I find it hard to put in the effort myself.

Yesterday, I tried to introduce a fixed weigh-in day and time every two weeks so we both have a better understanding of our weight and our progress. She agreed. Today, I weighed myself first and then asked her to do so as well before breakfast in order to get a reliable result. She rolled her eyes, went and came back, fully clothed. I asked her if she weighed herself with clothes on. She said yes. I calmly explained that in order to get the most accurate results possible, we have to weigh ourselves without any clothes on. She instantly became pissed and stormed off. I followed her and offered to weigh just her heavy clothes so she can subtract the weight from what the scale showed. She screamed "NO!" over and over as I tried to comfort her and told her that it'll just take a few seconds and that it's important to get comparable results. Eventually, she took all of her clothes off and threw them at me aggressively while yelling at the same time. I quickly weighed them and then came to her while she was crying profusely. Mind you, she sometimes starts to cry when a tiny thing doesn't exactly go as she expected it to. I asked her what's wrong, got no response and then explained why it's a good idea to invest the few seconds it takes to properly weigh in every two weeks. She told me that I'm a psychopath and that I need therapy because of my weight loss "obsession" and that she hates me because of it.

All I do is sporadically remind her of keeping track of her calories when I notice that she has no idea how much she's eaten. Regarding our workouts, I wanted to get us both to 3 times a week again but that didn't work for the last couple of weeks, mainly because I can't convince her and also because I don't want to work out on my own.

The thing is, when it comes to plans and ideas to lose weight, she's always up for anything and even does a lot of stuff herself (ordering workout clothes and equipment online, buying protein shakes or specifically healthy food, joining a rewards program for walking a certain amount of steps in 12 weeks using a phone app, etc.) but as soon as any amount of actual effort is required, all of her motivation is instantly gone and she's back to laying in bed and eating candy. At the same time, she's still consistently unhappy with her weight and the fit of her clothes and keeps saying that she's fat and how she was so much better looking a few years prior. I don't agree with her being truly fat but seeing her unhappy and desperate to come up with ways to lose weight makes me want to help her out in some way. I would be extremely grateful if someone would encourage me and offer me the help I need in order to lose weight like I try to do for her. But all I get from her for that is hostility and insults. So AITA for wanting to help her?

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NSV & SV I notice when I am not hungry rather than stress eating.

SW: 82.3kg CW: 77.9kg GW: 60kg

I am finally on a downward trend after struggling with weight loss for years. I have been trying to diet for about 10 years, sometimes I was successful but always put the weight back on. I was one of those people that felt controlled by the food I was eating, stress eating and wondering how others can be so put together while dieting. Now I feel I am one of those people.

​

Yes I want pizza; but I want to lose weight more.

No I don't want to eat, I am not hungry I'm just bored/stressed.

Yes I am hungry, but I wont die if I don't eat.

No I don't want to exercise, I want to be lazy, but exercise will make me feel great.

​

By thinking like this, practicing mindfulness, I now get hungry less and feel in control of my food and I decide what I eat. I am no longer controlled by my cravings. Treats are now actually treats and nor normal everyday food. I am okay with being uncomfortable for the short term for the long term.

​

So after using the above mentioned I also added a reward system I didn't expect to work but actually did. I created a reward chart of daily, weekly, monthly and goal completing rewards:

Daily ----- The satisfaction of feeling great, go me!

Weekly ----- Low calorie treat (a mocha, fruit)

Monthly ----- A high calorie treat (cake, pizza)

Goal Completion ----- 12 weeks of success (Non food treat like a new book ect)

​

Using this helped me enjoy good food but not overload on it. It uses the satisfaction of doing well as a reward rather than seeing the restriction of food as a punishment. I began noticing how exercising makes me feel more and using that as a reward to doing exercise when I don't want to.

​

Before I always thought being thinner would be impossible, no matter how much I dieted and exercised I would never lose weight. I realised that I was simply just not trying hard enough, I was lieing to myself.

Now it is an achievable goal that I am working towards and I will not lose sight of it.

I feel great.

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Today is the first day

I’ve been struggling with weight loss for about 2 years. 2 years ago I was in a very physical job and didn’t need to worry about what I ate in the slightest. I was approximately 6’6” and 260lbs of solid muscle. Flash forward to today when I’ve been in a non-field position for 2 years and I’ve gained 30 lbs and lost all of the muscle that I once had. Earlier this year, I joined weight watchers and had good success for a few months and lost approximately 35lbs. Once I stopped following the program I gained it all back and then some. Yesterday we had our Christmas card photos and not only did my clothes not fit properly, but I was uncomfortable with my body for the entire endeavor. I’ve been thinking about working to get back into shape, but that was the final straw. Today is the first day that I make steps to get healthier. I currently am 6’6” and weigh 290lbs.

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I slipped up, but it’s okay.

Okay, more than a slip up, but whatever. It’s okay.

After losing 104 pounds her the course of 10 months through tracking and exercising, I decided to take a month or two off of logging, mainly because I was burned out, but also because I was confident that I could maintain on my own due to the amount of exercise I was getting.

I started losing weight by cutting my intake to 1,800, then 1,500, then 1,200 calories. I did this over the course of about 5 months, and stayed between 1,200 and 1,500 for the next 5 months. I was running more and more, peaking at 25 miles/week for four weeks. My running ramped up when I decided to stop logging. I weighed 191 that day, on September 15. I then ramped up my running, averaging 30 miles/week, with a peak of 42 miles one week while training for my first half marathon.

The half was in Thanksgiving Day, and I set a goal of < 2:00. I ran it hard, but smart, with excellent (for me) splits, and came across the line at 1:49:24, beating my goal by more than 10 minutes. I was absolutely ecstatic! I’m still paying for that result with soreness and IT band tightness, but that’s okay. I was happy with it.

I then ate a well-earned Thanksgiving dinner. I ate all the food, I didn’t care about the calories. It tasted good, and I didn’t feel the slightest bit guilty. I knew I was heavier than I was in September, but I also knew I had made so much progress over the past 15 months, both mentally and physically.

I stepped on the scale this morning and weighed 204. I was a little bummed out, sure. But only for a few moments. I was mostly bummed out because I was over 200 pounds again, after working so hard to get under that number. But then I realized: “go back to a deficit, get those running clothes on, and you’ll be 199 in a week; some of that is water weight, and you’ll shed it easy.”

So today I start again. Not just counting the calories to maintain a deficit, and not just by running, but both. I’ve got two goals in mind: 185 on the scale (a healthy BMI for my height) and < 4:00:00 on the clock for my marathon on March 17. I’m going to do both. I don’t know when, but I know I will. That’s going to require hard work; a 1,000 calorie deficit/day, and getting my mileage up to 50 miles/week by mid-February. I’ve done harder, and I can do these. You’ve done harder, and you can reach your goals too.

We shouldn’t worry about sliding backwards, or missing goals, or losing ground. This weight loss process we are doing is a ride down a road; a ‘journey’ as we call it. No journey is all downhill, there are hills to go up, and flat parts to navigate. But as long as we focus on the goal, and keep moving forward, we will get there.

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Realizing I'm going to have to let go of my goal.

First post ever on reddit after a long career of lurking, I hope I'm doing this right. :( Made a whole new account just for this in case I pull off a big goof and need to disappear into the void forever to hide my shame.

So -- mentally, this year took me for a ride. I was at my lowest point and gained 20-30 lbs of the 65+ I'd lost over the course of my weight loss journey back. Thus, I set a goal for the end of 2018. During the last two months of the year, I would lose a little over 20 lbs and get back to where I left off. Seemed simple at the time, and at first things were going great! Despite a bad start, I crushed the second week of this plan and lost twice what I had hoped.

But now, not so much. Things have slowed down, as they always do. My weight has stalled despite extreme deficits. In frustration I reduce my intake every day as I either gain or don't lose enough to meet my expectations. Today, my goal is 900 cal. And sure, that happens every once in a while, not everyone has a huge appetite. But that's not how it is for me. I recognize this as bad habits coming back up -- 900 cal today can and will turn into 1200 cal... sum total, eaten over the course of an entire week. Assuming I eat at all. That's not something I'm going to let happen again.

I built this goal up so much. I said it was so important to me emotionally -- take back control of myself from this year after a mental health crash. Get back to where I left off with my weight. Start over in 2019, have a new start as a new me. I started off motivated and happy, eating a varied diet at 1600-1400 cal. But that's not where we are now. Am I really a new me if I get there by exploiting old unhealthy behaviors? I stayed home alone during Thanksgiving, desperate to stick to my then 1200 calorie goal. Lost 2 oz for it, but was that 2 oz worth the time spent with family that I missed? They're all I have left after this year, so I'm going to go with no.

Food is a major source of joy in my life where I have little else, and I want a healthy relationship with it back. That's my new goal, not x amount of pounds in x amount of weeks. For a truly new me I'll opt to let go of old habits and have a brighter, healthier outlook on my weight loss. I may have been way off track for the longest time, and yes it is frustrating and unmotivating at times to be so far away from a goal you previously reached, but I am on a downward trend now that I've worked hard to acheive, and that's all that matters.

I didn't fail if I don't reach my goal before the New Year, I'm not taking any of the horrors from this year ahead with me if I don't manage this -- quite the opposite, I'm going to lose weight slowly, and I'm going to be happy and feel accomplished while doing so. Therein lies my victory and success. Not by starving, weak and miserable, alone in my room during holidays, just to reach some highly variable and fluctation-prone number. I thought that reaching my weight goal was all that mattered regardless of what I had to do to achieve it, but the 'new start' I was aiming for was only dragging the scars and heartache from this year forward with me. Time to let those go.

I'll lose the weight. I'm doing a pretty great job of it so far. What's important now is my happiness and wellbeing after over a year of having precisely zero of either of those. That's my new goal.

Thanks for listening everyone. I started out typing this mourning a goal I couldn't reach and left off feeling encouraged and uplifted. It felt good to type my thoughts out and process them.

I hope I did this posting thing right, please let me know if this doesn't belong here or if I did anything wrong, and thank you for your patience with me

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