30F, 5' 3", 213lbs -> 143lbs
I was overweight for most of my adult life. Growing up in the 2000s where skinny was chic I always thought I was fat and resented my body. Looking back, I may have been overweight but I was always fit and active, and the way I carried it was fine: my waist to hip ratio was healthy. Gosh I wish I had appreciated myself as I was.
When COVID hit and everything was insane. Having nothing else to do I locked into fitness and got under 141lbs (BMI of 25) for the first time in my adult life. Unfortunately I achieved this with an extremely restrictive diet, intermittent fasting / fasted cardio, and daily gym sessions. I was happier with my body but was absolutely miserable sustaining it.
So of course as soon as I injured my knee (couldn't run anymore) and started eating more, I began to balloon. I always told myself that tomorrow I would go back to that diet so it was okay to eat extra tonight. My ADHD meds reduced my appetite during the day so I wouldn't eat anything and call that a win, then become so ravenous in the evenings I absolutely gorged myself. The food I was eating wasn't actually unhealthy, I just started eating a crazy amount of it. I started my PhD studies and grad school drinking culture and stress made things SO much worse.
I still feel so much shame for this period of time in my life. As I started gaining weight I kept telling myself I'd just lose it the way I had before once I finished XYZ in the fridge so it wouldn't tempt me. But as I started seeing the scale go up, my mental health got worse and I didn't have any willpower to follow through with my plans. The only way I knew to lose weight wasn't healthy or sustainable, so I kept failing. It's incredible how quickly it spiralled: over two years I gained 60lbs. I suspect once I got around 160lbs I developed sleep apnea which made the problems even worse (I know this because I got tested in 2025 when I was 160lbs again and it came back mild so I can only assume it was much worse over that body fat %). For a brief period I locked in again and lost some of the weight but for some reason I went back to my old ways. To make things worse, my metabolism was working against me. I was diagnosed with PCOS at 14 but the obvious symptoms (facial hair growth, acne) had been stable on my birth control since my diagnosis. I told my doctor my concerns about weight gain and asked about meds but it wasn't until I passed 200lbs that he referred me to a medical weight loss clinic. (I have a new physician now who takes my concerns seriously which has been huge.)
At the clinic I was offered group doctors appointments which were basically weekly courses in the science of obesity, nutrition, and mental health. It named a lot of my struggles and helped me acknowledge the fact that I was indeed fat phobic. For the next three years I locked in for 2-3 months at a time in a concerted effort to lose weight, focusing on maintenance for the rest of the time. Finally with the food noise gone I was able to eat less than my TDEE. Turns out you can have insulin resistance without having diabetes, and getting treatment for it can be life-changing. Now I want to take a moment to apologize to the fat community for thinking weight management was a simple matter of self control. No, it's incredibly difficult to fight for your health when your biology is sabotaging you at every turn. I hate that I had to experience it personally in order to learn that lesson instead of just believing fat people, but it's absolutely true, and I'm so sorry.
I found a list I made in 2023 of all the reasons I wanted to lose weight, and wow it's so sad to think back to how miserable I was. I had stopped doing all the sports and activities I loved, and actively avoided taking photos of myself for years. I genuinely had a hard time finding this "before" photo because I didn't want any record of how far I'd fallen. Looking at it now I don't even recognize myself.
I've been off GLP-1s for several months now but importantly I've been taking metformin and - now that my husband and I are trying to conceive - myo-inositol. By finally treating my insulin resistance I've been able to enjoy a happy, healthy life with a normal amount of hunger. I'm trying to find meaning in this journey and learn to accept all this loose skin I never had before because I still resent myself for spiralling like this. It's hard to feel proud of myself because it never should have happened in the first place, you know?
Now that I've reached what I believe to be a healthy, sustainable weight for myself, I'm locking into recomp and I hope to have some more progress to report in a few months. I'm so happy to have reached a healthy starting point for pregnancy and I really hope my husband and I will be successful in our efforts, as it's been a lifelong goal of ours to be parents. I hope some toning will help with the loose skin, but I also know that a pregnancy would likely have the same effect on my stomach as my obesity, so that makes it a bit easier when I look in the mirror and inevitably compare my body to how it was before. Also I found out that a breast reduction would be fully covered by my country's healthcare system (I would just have to pay a couple thousand dollars for a lift) so I have that to look forward to once I'm done with pregnancy and breastfeeding.
Anyway, life is finally looking up! I joined a volleyball team and a local run club, and now my fitness goals are to do my first pull-up and strengthen my body for pregnancy instead of chasing a number on the scale. I hate that I had to go through all this, but for the first time in my life I finally found balance and happiness that is actually sustainable. So that's my story! Thanks for reading and please let me know if you have any questions. :)
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