21F, 165 cm, 65 kg — why is losing the last few kilos so frustrating when I’m already active and eating high protein?

I’m 21F, 165 cm (5’5”) and currently around 65 kg (143 lbs). My goal is around 60–62 kg, but more importantly I want to look leaner while keeping or growing my glutes.
I’ve been trying to lose weight for quite a while. I’ve previously gotten down to around 60 kg, but slowly gained some of it back.
Here’s my situation:
I aim for around 1,500 calories a day, although my actual intake varies.
I try to get 80–100 g of protein daily.
I often get 10–18k steps, use a walking pad, StairMaster or elliptical.
I also do glute exercises like Bulgarian split squats, hip abductions and cable kickbacks.
I’ve had periods where I wasn’t consistent with strength training but stayed active.
What confuses me is that my body sometimes looks noticeably different without much change on the scale. Recently, people have even commented that my glutes look bigger, despite me not training them consistently.
I feel like I’m constantly switching between wanting to lose weight quickly and wanting to build muscle, and I don’t know how to balance both.
For other petite women who successfully lost fat while maintaining their curves:
Did you focus on weight loss first or body recomposition?
How did you know whether you were actually in a calorie deficit?
Did increasing strength training make a bigger difference than cardio?
How did you stop obsessing over small weight fluctuations?
I’d really appreciate advice from women with similar starting measurements.

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Is anyone else embarrassed to talk about their weight loss?

Over the course of 2025 I lost about 50lbs by eating high protein, tracking macros, and working out. Gained a few lbs from my lowest weight since then as life happens, but I have consistently maintained a 19-20bmi since it was a whole lifestyle overhaul. I'm proud of the work I put in, and even more than the weight loss I am proud of myself for developing a healthy relationship with food and exercise. I like my body and I love taking care of it.

I didn't tell anyone what I was doing at any point, I just did it. It was awesome finding a new hobby in weightlifting and seeing the results of my work, but it just feels so uncomfortable to have other people notice. A few family members/friends have commented on it and I never know what to say. It honestly just makes me wish I was invisible.

Has anyone else dealt with this, where you're happy with your body and lifestyle, but just wish other people wouldn't notice anything changed?

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Thanks for this sub and its people

Male - 32 - Silly Goose

Long time lurker first time poster. I tried all sorts of techniques for weight loss over the years and Ive been quite heavy for the past 5 years. I finally got sick of falling off the wagon over and over and restarting my weight loss goals from scratch every 5 or 6 months.

I just wanted to post my appreciation I have read tonnes of your posts and comments and learnt so much. I have gone from 290 pounds to 240 pounds over the course of 2026 and my goal is to reach 195 pounds by next summer. I just wanted to share some stuff that helped me.

Really all i can say to others about what worked for me is a sustainable calorie deficit using an app to track your daily calories i use Nutracheck. I've been on 1900 calories a day for 4 months now. one day a week I eat a large breakfast of roughly 800 calories and then fast until the next day. I do this so I can bank 1100 calories a week to use elsewhere. This allows me to have some beers on the weekend or a whole ass pizza to myself.

For me I was unable to lose weight when following really strict diets of boring and bland food. Treating yourself once or twice a week can really improve your mental state and help you keep on track.

I also walk / jog ~10KM 3 times a week and I have a 20 minute dumbbell session twice a week for upper body strength. I know I could do more but for me this has shown great results and doesn’t cost me much time. I started at 10kg dumbbells in March until I became comfortable doing lots of reps and sets, slowly working on my technique. I recently moved onto 15KG dumbbells for bicep curls and overhead presses and 20KG for rows, shoulder shrugs and deadlifts. I never take my workouts into account on my calorie tracking apps because I don’t want an excuse to treat myself to more calories.

zero calorie drinks are great.

Use the tdee calculator to get an idea about what your calorie deficit should look like.

Don't jump straight into the deficit gradually reduce your daily calories by 100 weekly until you reach your deficit amount. This will give your stomach time to adjust to having less food.

frozen mango/pineapple is really filling and a nice low calorie snack option let it thaw for like 10 mins before munching you psychos.

BLT for me is the ultimate sandwich for weight loss. Smoked bacon medallions, low fat mayo, lettuce, tomato, salt, pepper and some low calorie bread. My BLT hits at around 300 calories and sometimes I go nuts and make two of them.

Every time I hit a milestone of 10 pounds I spend 2 - 3 days at my maintenance calories to give me a break and a bit of a motivational boost. This allows me to relax and enjoy 2500 calories a day which if you're counting every calorie you know how good this feels.

Anyway, thanks losers.

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How to fight discouragement

Basically, I just feel so discouraged in my weight loss process. I'm down 100 pounds since the start of the year but the more I lose, the worse I look at myself. I started at 420 pounds at 6'3". I currently hit 320 pounds and all I feel is the need to lose another 100. When I started the journey, I felt good about myself and proud of myself for every pound I dropped. Now I weigh myself daily, sometimes multiple times a day, even though I know there's no point, just to have a number to look at myself and hate myself for. I look at myself shirtless just to hate how I look. I don't want to go out or do anything because I hate how I look and feel like I don't deserve anything. And when I do slip up (for example, only doing 32 minutes of cardio instead of 40), I hate myself even more and punish myself by giving myself another 40 minutes of cardio anyway and restricting my calories even more. Im not even sure how sustainable this is. Im miserable. I purposely spend more time in bed so I don't have to think about myself existing and how I look. And it didn't used to be like this. I used to enjoy exercising and be proud of myself for being in a deficit at all having no specific goal for weight loss other than to feel better and having no deadline. Now I'm giving myself a year to lose another 100 pounds and spending every day hating myself. I know part of it has to do with my move. Im a POC and I went from a rather diverse area with lots of different skin tones and body types to a college area with mostly young skinny white people and I know feeling like I don't fit in makes me want to stay inside more. Still, there has to be a better way to approach weight loss than hating myself the whole time and being so miserable that I don't want to talk to or meet new people because I'm so ashamed of myself.

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Finally quit the HAES dietitian

I am 60 years old and honestly
Was not that familiar with HAES. Thought it was a gentle kind way for weight loss.

When I started - I was maybe few pounds overweight and because of my age, time to try some body acceptance. And enjoyed eating out and baking and just kept adding on more food!

Then whoa- gained 10 lbs in 2 months - which is a lot for me as I am 4 ft 11 inches! Talked to the RD and wanted me to check my HRT side effects , she was appalled when I asked about fat loss, and was concerned that I had had 2 diets my entire life.

My doctor who is not overly weight or looks conscious said GLP1s may be an option if I can lose weight via diet and exercise. And yet this RD minimized any concern for my weight gain!

I want to quit my job and will need private insurance and trying to keep my health markers under control if I can't afford ACA insurance . So trying a weight loss dietitian next !

I think HAES in general is compassionate but I just don't understand the denial of the impacts of health and obesity!

Felt better when I joined this sub and saw a handful of posts critical of this extreme HAES approach.

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Thyroid beefing

Okay it’s not even me that’s beefing with my thyroid, it’s my new PCP. Historically, I’ve been in the overweight range, as a teenager my BMI was in the 27-29 range, as an adult it stayed at that upper limit until I did the thing and lost weight- the lowest I got was a BMI of 21.8. But the options to get there or maintain a <25 BMI weren’t ideal- I exercised to the point of injury with an intake around 1800 calories, while recovering from that injury I gained some of the weight back. When I was cleared for activity and wanted to lose the weight, I went back to my 1800 while running and weight training, then I got injured again, but that time it was a bit more severe and put me out a lot longer.

Temporarily, I can’t do heavy weight training 4x/week like I used to because I have two years where I need to focus my time elsewhere. Instead of exercising a lot, I’m eating less, which kind of sucks because I’m short and maintaining BMI of 24.2 has me below the intake that I need to get all of my daily nutrition from food. It’s to the point where my PCP is adamant that she’d rather I sit 10-15 lbs overweight than keep me in a normal BMI range. IM ON BOARD WITH THAT, but I’m pissed that I’m going to be uncomfortable again. She’s right about my recent intake, I’m miserable and I have no energy and this fucking sucks, I have an appointment with an RDN to find the best way to increase back to a normal baseline.

That being said, PCP wants to test my thyroid, I’m going to get blood work asap, but idk. I have minimal family history of endocrine/metabolic issues. The women in my family are just bigger? I know that some of it is dietary choices, but even my relatives that work out on a very regular basis and eat to truly fuel their body are bigger, in that BMI 26-28 range that I always end up going back to. They’ve had the blood work, they don’t meet criteria for pharmacologically assisted weight loss, all our waist to hip ratios are ideal even if someone is pushing the threshold of obesity. So I don’t want to “get my hopes up” that my thyroid is being a shithead just for the labs to be completely normal, yknow?

any input from the “maybe it’s your thyroid!” People is welcome. Even if it wasn’t your thyroid. Bc it’s probably not mine.

Don’t tell me to put on muscle bc i got to the funky scan things and i am a muscly beefcake thank you 😌

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Looking for workout advice to help my girlfriend

My girlfriend (27) is roughly 240-60 lbs and has a ton of dietary restrictions because of IBS-D. Because of this, typical dieting is unsustainable and even harmful to her health. She is looking to start a home workout routine to start building muscle and eliminating fat, get stronger, etc.

I would LOVE to hear from girlies who have found some workouts to do at home that helped them on their weight loss journey. Light weights and bodyweight exercises would be best, as well as ones that are low impact on knees and shins, and doesn't result in any unnecessary blood flow to the head (think downward dog in yoga).

~some notes for extra context, for the curious:

- 7+ years ago my gf had her gallbladder removed and lost a ton of weight, but since I met her she's been gradually gaining about 10 lbs a year

- Due to our life circumstances, she's been in and out of part time jobs for years and won't be looking for full-time work until next summer, but she doesn't live a purely sedentary lifestyle.

- During that time, the weight gain caused "pseudo-tumor" (a mix of crazy cluster headaches, migraines, muscle spasms, and eye pain all from an excess of spinal fluid around the brain). Those symptoms are MUCH better now and nearly gone, but overexertion will cause migraines

- I don't mind the weight gain and we are both still very much in love and intimate, but I know that she wants to see some improvement and have better control over her weight

- my points of reference are myself, (27m, 190-200 lbs, and average level of fitness). I know plenty of workouts but don't know which workouts will prove most beneficial and accessible to my girlfriend

Many thanks y'all :)

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