three months ago on the 8th of february, i had reached a weight (255lb) that made me hate myself so much that i gagged while looking at the mirror. on that day, at around 4am nighttime, i remember being in the kitchen with a big kitchen knife in my hand. i was about to end my suffering in the permanent way. but while i was holding it in my hand, i felt a want. i wanted to make a deal, a final challenge. i wanted to try a final time to save myself. and starting on the 9th, i went into a deep detox where i gave my entire diet up and let my mother guide me fully on what to consume, when to consume it and everything else. i put a timer. i said to myself that if i dont save myself until may 9th, exactly three months later, the problem was going to be me. i started to live off of only supplement pills and disgusting aloe vera water with only a single meal allowed every sunday which also had to fit a specific calory range and not include gluten. i could say it wasnt fun and the difficulty hurt, but for me thats just not the case. seeing the number on the scale go down every week that i checked made it all worth it.
today is the 9th of may 2026. and i have lost 48lb, built my self confidence back up, and stopped hating myself. all in those three months. i went from an obese dude that wanted to end it all to... this. i was closest to taking my life away from myself and the joy out of everyone around me, but i chose to keep them. i saved myself. and just being able to say that is honestly one of the greatest things ive been able to proudly announce. even though my weight loss journey is not over just yet, i learned a lot. i learned the struggles of weight, i learned how much it was actually putting me back, i learned to endure and pull through tough times, and i also saw first hand how physicality changes the perception of everyone around you and yourself. the people that would not even want to approach a room i was in coming up and sitting next to me, people that would be repelled from their interests just because i was also interested in them suddenly wanting to chat about it, even someone being romantically interested in me without me even having met them.
and i learned one more thing.
i learned the power of committing, actually trying your best to succeed. i learned how far you can get if you just sit your ass down and say "im going to do this."
...im a butterfly.
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