I had abdominal surgery a couple of weeks ago. When the nurse was removing stitches she said "don't worry, if you use x cream these scars will fade soon enough". I felt like she's joking for a second but then realised no, she meant it, people actually really care about their bellies. Ofcourse they do.
I don't, not really. Not anymore. I've been losing weight on and off for 25 years. If I had a chance for a nice belly it was three weight loss cycles ago before I went up to 190 pounds, got pregnant and went up 20pounds more, lost about 50 pounds in the last couple of months and now... now my belly will forever be striped. Pink, purple, stretchmarks that break if they chafe, some overhang and now, additional scars from surgery. It's okay. I'll probably never have the courage for surgery to clean this up as well.
So, I will simply never know what it's like being that skinny fuck model on the pictures I taped on my notebooks in 8th grade. I'll never be that. I'll never look good in a 2 piece. That train left the station forever a couple of years ago. I'm angry because most of the damage did not come out of pregnancy, it came because I was overweight before I got pregnant so double the damage. Oh and don't get me started on the boobs. But that's just the way it is now.
And in a way it's liberating. I'm just not one of those people, I have other things going for me. I'll grieve the feeling of freedom that comes with body confidence forever. But it is what it is.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/UmzcWLf
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