I never educated myself much on the process of weight loss and i remained in a healthy deficit for two months. Today my cousin who was also my best friend committed suicide (thats why i put the NSFW tag just incase), and I felt like all my discipline left me.
I eat daily around 1200-1300 calories (i promise this is research, i am in a 400-500 calorie deficit and never try to go under that), and most importantly i try to eat healthy. I used to have days where i would eat a bit more, but it would only be by eating a few too many healthy snacks (like fruits). I try to cut out sugar as much as possible without going fully anti-sugar.
Well.. today i ate a whole jar of nutella. I ate multiple pancakes. I ate cake, cheese, and anything I could snack on. I ate a pack of frozen chicken wings knowing i feel full. I have a hard time processing the loss, and to drown out the guilt i have a bad habit of stuffing my mouth to keep my body occupied, but this time i really needed strong flavors, so i turned to sweets which i so much restricted for a long time.
Ultimately, i have no idea how much i ate, but i can estimate around 3500-4000 kcals, where my daily intake to maintain weight is around 1900 calories. I stopped counting after eating a banana with some dark bread and hard boilee eggs, which were an unusual but rather on the healthy side breakfast. Now it's not the end of the world im sure, but i feel like i won't be able to return to my diet. I feel like, as i mentioned before, the discipline of saying no to snacks and chosing healthy food has left me, and maybe it is just today because im mourning someone, but I felt the need to reach out to the internet because i cannot tell if my progress just slowed down by a week or if there is an unknown fact which states I didn't screw up anything, mathematically speaking. I know, i know. One day of binge eating won't stop months of weight loss progress. I wont gain back all the pounds i lost. But i just feel like such a failure, and after calming down and finally being back in my room, my first thought was to ask this silly question so i can imagine myself skinny and healthy without having lost hope, as this deficit really meant a lot to me. It is the first time i truly have locked in.
At this moment i feel like i will binge tomorrow all over again. I read to step back and see what i can learn from this binge, but i am not sure what i can learn here. Its like food is my only escape when i can't grasp a passing. Another person said to screw the diet today, but i am scared i will crave all the sugar i ate today again tomorrow, and that will ultimately screw up everything. I can't fast because i find myself back by the fridge grabbing whatever is eatable.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/PdAXLcg
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