Too many Pains, Not Enough Gains (Looking for help battling the mental side of losing weight)

Hi everyone. 34, female, 160kg (353lbs) and emotionally, I’m at my wits end.

I’ve been battling my weight for as long as I can remember. I have also had some significant weight loss over the years, and gained it all back plus some every time. So I know weight loss isn’t physically impossible, but emotionally and mentally, I’ve never been able to break through. I’m desperate for some help.

If this were a physical problem, I would go to the doctor, sign up for bariatric surgery and just battle through the pain. However, I have already done a non-surgical bariatric program two years ago. I lost 60lbs consuming shakes for six months, and then when the program ended, there was zero support after and I went back to my old lifestyle.

I’m not very good at taking care of myself, physically or emotionally. I suffer from severe depression and anxiety, and don’t have what I would consider a strong support system in place. I have one or two people who clearly care about me, and when I talk to them it’s helpful, but I feel guilty dumping all of my emotional baggage on them when they ask about my diet.

Essentially, I feel like there are not enough gains to losing weight to get me through the emotional struggles of losing weight. I eat whenever my emotions are out of whack, whether it be because I’m anxious or depressed or even happy and wanting to celebrate. Every emotion has a food correlated to it. I don’t have an alternative stress reliever, because I am such a perfectionist that if I don’t do something that isn’t perfect, it isn’t worth doing. Weight loss is in the same boat - the second I plateau, I feel like I’m failing and I give up because the anxiety and feeling of failure is too much to take.

When I was younger, I used to tell myself that maybe if I lost weight, I wouldn’t be so alone. I have never been in a relationship, due to my anxiety around people, and my asexuality means I have very little physical drive to be in one. But in coming to terms with my lack of relationships, that has become another inspiration gone. Like I said, I’m not very good at taking care of myself, and if I’m not looking nice for other people, I just don’t see the point. My depression can kick in very quickly when I start thinking like that, because I just don’t see a future where I feel beautiful, or worth the time, and it spirals into images of being alone for the rest of my life, just waiting to die. Which, given the rate I’m going, isn’t going to be too long a wait.

All of this to say…. I do try still. Back in January, I signed up for WW (WeightWatchers rebranded) when I was at my largest (166kg) so I’ve lost 6kg, but that number is creeping back up as well. Before this pandemic, I was going to Planet Fitness three times a week with my dad, and I was starting to enjoy the routine. I had hit a plateau, but I was slowly working through it.

And then this pandemic hit, and I just didn’t have the emotional strength to keep up at home.

Cooking for myself became getting drive through every day. Workouts became nap times. I haven’t seen my coworkers or friends in ages, and I don’t think they realize how bad things have gotten for me again…

SO. And if you got this far, you’re doing amazing.

I need some help from people who might have been in the same boat. I need to know how to change my toxic lifestyle when I’ve got some pretty big mental health walls in front of me. My perfectionism makes it hard to feel it’s worth doing if it’s not perfect. My anxiety means I don’t reach out to others. My depression kicks in when I’m wondering if it’s worth it. My lack of relationships doesn’t give me the same drive it does others. But I know I need to lose weight or I will die young. And if you ask my depression on some days, that’s not a bad thing.

PS - Yes, I am on medication for my depression and anxiety, and I used to see a doctor once every other month. I moved a year ago, and am lucky if I can get 10 minutes with my new mental health doctor every six months. I know that getting a new doctor is on my list of things to do, but living in a smaller city, our resources are limited in terms of mental health professionals so I’m seen as a lower priority compared to other more serious cases. So if you know of any Canadian resources for online mental health services, that would be helpful too.

Thanks everyone.

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What should I do when I get closer to my goal weight?

Good day people of r/loseit!! I am a 168cm male, started as a 159lbs/72kg and is now weighing 124lbs/56.4kg. I would like to say I'm so happy with my progress and I never expected that I would reach this far!! This has been the lowest weight I have achieved since entering college (I am now in my senior year btw). I started my weight loss journey last November 2, 2019. Did CICO (using TDEE and a weight loss calculator online). I also took advantage of commuting everyday to university since I usually get 6-11k steps a day, 16-18k if I wanna walk a long way to the far bus stop. I only included IF (16-8) 2 months ago, when the lockdown started in my country.

I want to share a story, pardon me. I only get to weigh myself when I'm at someone's house or when I go to the gym, idk why weren't we buying a scale since it's kinda crucial as well. So the only dates I weighed myself was on Day 1 (was at the gym before, weighing 72kg), and fast forward to Jan 5, 2020 (which I weighed 66kg). So I went from 72 to 66 in 2 months. So most of my journey, I relied on looking at the mirror.

Fast forward to this month, we finally bought a scale!! hooray. And when I weighed myself 3 days ago after waking up, I was surprised that I now weigh 56.4! I did not expect to reach that weight, I was expecting that I'm a 61-63kg before stepping on the scale.

So going back, my initial goal was 58kg on day 1. But after seeing my new weight, I kinda want to push it a bit lower to 54.5kg/120lbs and then I will proceed on maintaining that new weight. I relied on a 1200-1400 cal/day for the whole span of my weight loss journey but upon checking my new TDEE... I was kinda shocked on how low should I have my calories per day (814/day for 1kg/week which was 1200 before and just 1564/day to lose .25kg which was 1700-1800 before).

Any advice on what should I do to achieve my final goal weight? Or what are things that I should do upon reaching my new goal weight? Since I got accustomed to having 1200-1500 calories per day and upon checking, my new TDEE was a bit surprising. I kinda know that losing weight will slow down at this point. 😔 Btw I put it my activity level on Sedentary since I'm stuck at home... will surely adjust it once school is back

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Day 1? Starting your weight loss journey on Wednesday, 13 May 2020? Start here!

Today is your Day 1?

Welcome to r/Loseit!

So you aren’t sure of how to start? Don’t worry! “How do I get started?” is our most asked question. r/Loseit has helped our users lose over 1,000,000 recorded pounds and these are the steps that we’ve found most useful for getting started.

Why you’re overweight

Our bodies are amazing (yes, yours too!). In order to survive before supermarkets, we had to be able to store energy to get us through lean times, we store this energy as adipose fat tissue. If you put more energy into your body than it needs, it stores it, for (potential) later use. When you put in less than it needs, it uses the stored energy. The more energy you have stored, the more overweight you are. The trick is to get your body to use the stored energy, which can only be done if you give it less energy than it needs, consistently.

Before You Start

The very first step is calculating your calorie needs. You can do that HERE. This will give you an approximation of your calorie needs for the day. The next step is to figure how quickly you want to lose the fat. One pound of fat is equal to 3500 calories. So to lose 1 pound of fat per week you will need to consume 500 calories less than your TDEE (daily calorie needs from the link above). 750 calories less will result in 1.5 pounds and 1000 calories is an aggressive 2 pounds per week.

Tracking

Here is where it begins to resemble work. The most efficient way to lose the weight you desire is to track your calorie intake. This has gotten much simpler over the years and today it can be done right from your smartphone or computer. r/loseit recommends an app like MyFitnessPal, Loseit! (unaffiliated), or Cronometer. Create an account and be honest with it about your current stats, activities, and goals. This is your tracker and no one else needs to see it so don’t cheat the numbers. You’ll find large user created databases that make logging and tracking your food and drinks easy with just the tap of the screen or the push of a button. We also highly recommend the use of a digital kitchen scale for accuracy. Knowing how much of what you're eating is more important than what you're eating. Why? This may explain it.

Creating Your Deficit

How do you create a deficit? This is up to you. r/loseit has a few recommendations but ultimately that decision is yours. There is no perfect diet for everyone. There is a perfect diet for you and you can create it. You can eat less of exactly what you eat now. If you like pizza you can have pizza. Have 2 slices instead of 4. You can try lower calorie replacements for calorie dense foods. Some of the communities favorites are cauliflower rice, zucchini noodles, spaghetti squash in place of their more calorie rich cousins. If it appeals to you an entire dietary change like Keto, Paleo, Vegetarian.

The most important thing to remember is that this selection of foods works for you. Sustainability is the key to long term weight management success. If you hate what you’re eating you won’t stick to it.

Exercise

Is NOT mandatory. You can lose fat and create a deficit through diet alone. There is no requirement of exercise to lose weight.

It has it’s own benefits though. You will burn extra calories. Exercise is shown to be beneficial to mental health and creates an endorphin rush as well. It makes people feel awesome and has been linked to higher rates of long term success when physical activity is included in lifestyle changes.

Crawl, Walk, Run

It can seem like one needs to make a 180 degree course correction to find success. That isn’t necessarily true. Many of our users find that creating small initial changes that build a foundation allows them to progress forward in even, sustained, increments.

Acceptance

You will struggle. We have all struggled. This is natural. There is no tip or trick to get through this though. We encourage you to recognize why you are struggling and forgive yourself for whatever reason that may be. If you overindulged at your last meal that is ok. You can resolve to make the next meal better.

Do not let the pursuit of perfect get in the way of progress. We don’t need perfect. We just want better.

Additional resources

Now you’re ready to do this. Here are more details, that may help you refine your plan.

• Quick Start Guide - Build your foundation!
• Loseit Compendium - Frame it out!
• FAQ - Answers to our most Frequently Asked Questions!

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As of today, I have lost 4stone (56pounds) in under 5month. 20/11/19 - 13/05/20

Hi Guys,

As the title says as of today I have lost a huge amount of weight in a short amount of time and I thought id give a little insight into how it did it to see if I can help anyone else on a small or big journey. I'll try and cut it down to in stages since it never is a simple journey.

Stage 1: I think this is the biggest and most important stage for me and I understand this isn't always viable for most people, but it really does help. I MOVED out of my family home, this is a huge one probably for me and a lot of other people who are obese and young. Clearly my family wasn't feeding me healthy and good portion meals, they are of course not fully to blame but that was a huge factor. I, of course, would also snack on all sorts of junk throughout the day. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you have to find out what courses you to overeat and be unhealthy, also you have to admit to yourself I'm OBESE.

Stage 2: I bought a Fitbit (Versa 2) this has really helped me and motivated me to stay healthy, active and push towards simple goals when working out, I use as a game and constantly push to beat my previous scores, times and stats every time I work out.

Stage 3: I started running (Couch to 5k App), since I had just moved out to live on my own it didn't think I could justify spending a monthly membership on a gym, also been Christmas time I decided that I would just start running every evening. Now when you first start this is going to be hard and you will have to push yourself but I just kept thinking "this is the hardest its ever going to be".

Stage 3 Part 2: I started hitting the gym after 1month of running, I was losing weight and I knew I would attend most days since it's no different than going for my run. I don't really have a routine and mostly wing it if I'm honest, but giving it a go is what it's all about. I do attend 6 days a week though switching different muscle groups and doing cardio every other day. This is what works for me and is of course in a way ideal, but it's getting me moving and working out.

Stage 4: Diet - Of course, this is the major part of weight loss and not everything is about running and exercising. I have tried loads and loads of diets over the years and honestly, nothing will work until you change your mindset and your way of thinking. I went from not caring about my calorie intake to being extreme in some cases. I stick to the 1500kcal cap every day and just eat 3 healthy meals a day. (Porridge, Muscle Foods Prep Pot, Stir Fry, Snacks = Fruit) At first, the lifestyle change is hard but with time it becomes easy and your body will thank you for it.

Of course, DO NOT DRINK CALORIES water only :)

I do not really have any before or after pictures if im honest, but here's the information from my weekly tracking using my Fitbit.

If anyone else is using Fitbit for tracking please add me up, will be good to have some friendly competition.

https://www.fitbit.com/user/7ZBBK4

https://i.imgur.com/4M3BMUP.png

Edit: Checking spelling and all, sorry for the long post x

Title should be 20/12/19

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How do you imagine your goal weight day playing out?

Between the boredom of the lockdown and getting close to my goal, I've been fantasizing. Sue me. My imagined goal day:

I would get up and step on the scale, knowing I'm close and this could be the day. I would come in just under the 50kg mark. I would step on and off the scale in disbelief. After years of gaining, losing, maintaining, and all the crap in between, I made it. I'm done. This has consumed my thoughts and life for years, and now, if I play my cards right, I'll never have to do it again.

I would change the settings on all of my apps. Switch the Cronometer target from "lose weight: 0.5kg/week" to "maintain weight". I would log my weight in Happy Scale and Tactio. I don't even know what Happy Scale does when you reach your goal. Maybe some virtual fireworks? I'll watch the stats shift one last time, hitting my last milestone, my final pace. But it won't matter what the numbers are in the end. There's only one that reigns supreme.

I'd start planning out my meals with my new calorie goal... 500 extra calories to work with, eh? My acquired eating habits would kick in - I'm now very good at knowing which foods will help me reach my nutrient targets, and they're easier to hit with extra calories (there's almost no wiggle room at a deficit). I'd indulge in some favourite foods that are a bit higher calorie and I often didn't have room for with my restricted budget. Granola. Cashews. Peanut butter. Muesli. A lovely dish of tortellini with rose sauce, spinach, garlic, pesto, cherry tomatoes, and mushrooms. Avocado toast. Yum.

I'd open my closet and look at all of the clothes that have gradually started looking better on me over the past few months, knowing that now, I can wear any of them and feel OK, and if they still don't look good or feel comfortable, I now have license to throw them out. I'd probably have a mini fashion show with my few favourites, trying each one on, standing in front of the mirror, admiring my curves from every angle, thinking back to all the times I stood in front of so many different mirrors and felt shame. In different houses, stores, cities, and even countries.

I'd wear those clothes in the coming days, but first, I'd take out my fat pants and take a good, hard look at how loosely they now hovered over my hips, how far down they slide - barely concealing my underwear. At this point, I could wear them out in public and they would look like those oversized "boyfriend" jeans. Back when they fit more snugly, had I known they would one day fit me that way, I would have cried sitting on the bench at the mall, looking over in envy at a slim women whose body looked good in anything.

After obsessing over the graphs and numbers, probably for hours, I'd set out to get started on my new goals. Run a 5k, which seems impossible right now (even though it's said to be easy and a "beginner" goal). Probably aim for a mostly a vegan diet - vegetarianism has served my weight loss endlessly well. Meet my nutrient targets. Do a bit of recomp - the muscle on my body is currently missing in action. Eat the healthy foods that I now know how to make in a way that tastes good to me - for fuel, not for pleasure - with a few "treats" in the mix.

Honestly, this is all just suspicion on my part - I have no clue how I'll react, just that I won't know what to do with myself or what to do next.

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15 And Obese But Trying To Loose Weight

Hello everyone my name is Mekhi and I am 15. I recently have started to feel bad about myself for many reasons, and gained more than 40 pounds in about 4 months. Most of this weight had came from depression and anxiety of seeing my friends hanging out with girls, and going on dates and being able to live a health normal life. While they were able to do all this I was sitting at home sleeping, eating, playing video games and much much more. I recently have started to work out and I am now looking for someone to help me get through this weight loss and maybe have a chance of living a normal life as a 15 year old.

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It takes me 18-20 minutes to run a mile and I feel so shitty. Advice?

Background: 18 M, 140lbs, 5’6, literally do no physical exercise regularly besides normal day to day stuff.

So I’m at a healthy weight but I want to lose about 15 lbs and then gain some muscle. I’ve ran a mile every day for the past 16 days, save two of those days. And I always end up at about 18-20minutes to “run” a mile, which really includes a lot of jogging and some walking too.

It makes me feel really shitty. My boyfriend used to work out a lot but he had surgery a year ago so he stopped, and he picked up running again two days ago. Yesterday he ran a mile in 8 minutes. Yeah he’s 6’1 so has much longer legs, but he is also 40lbs heavier so I think that balances it out.

I’m really happy for him but damn I’m so fucking out of shape and slow. It makes me feel sad when running because I know my time will be really bad.

The past two weeks I’ve been eating about 1400 cals a day, which I know isn’t like the recommended 1800-2000 for weight loss based on my BMI but I feel bad eating more. I have a history of disordered eating btw.

Any tips? Will stretching/warming up before help? Would eating more help with energy? Anyone have any idea of how long it will take for me to run a mile at about 11 minutes? Thanks.

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