So I am 38 years old. Struggling with weight my entire life. Tried exercise, everything.
Medical intervention made it worse.
I am autistic with ADHD, autistic burnout, C-PTSD, severe social isolation. I struggle with organization and cleanliness. Mainly when I feel threatened and tend to nest in a place and never leave it unless I am forced to.
I wasn't always like this. I was SA'd as a child, had extremely religious mother and alcoholic father who used me and my mom as punching bags.
I also was bullied most of my life.
In Switzerland they diagnosed me with Asthma/Asthmatic bronchitis and I had to breath two sprays in a tube. Also was in early stages of Asperger's diagnosis.
Due to bruises on my body my parents lost custody, so they migrated back to Portugal where I stopped getting medication for my respiratory issues, and stopped my Asperger's medical appointments.
Around ten years old I also found out I had a degenerative problem on my kneecaps but I vstill didn't have symptoms. They said surgery was good prevention.
I need to preface I never had healthy relationship with food. As a baby my nany wouldn't feed me and left me alone, and she fed her daughter the food my parents left for me and left her daughter with the neighbors while I was alone in her apartment. This is relevant because through all my childhood I wouldn't eat most of the day, and lhid my food in my gym bag. Not because I had an eating disorder, I just wasn't hungry.
Sometimes I would go to the school bathroom to throw away food although I was caught a few times because I was never hungry at school lunch, only when I got home.
So I do tend to still forget to eat.
It's hard to avoid talking about parental, institutional abuse when it's so intertwined.
I was always chubby, but my major weight gain occured first when I stopped my asthma medication.
Was still exercising heavily, but I started having harder and harder time. Then when I hit puberty, went from 40-45kgs to 65. Finally biggest plateau was around 15, I was put on a diet went from 85kgs to 95kgs. Doctors put me on so much food I was throwing up.
Worst part is they ignored my complaints and believe I was lying when I said it was more food than what I usually ate.
Around the same time my knee got severely injured from so much sports and they refused to operate.
At several points in my twenties and thirties had sudden unexplained weight loss without habit change, but always seemed to get stuck at 95kgs
Had paradoxical effect on unhealthy diet if beef and fries, lost immense t of weight despite unhealthy eating and high calories when I was at my father's house , the year after trying self exit.
Every time I was on a medical recommended diet I gained weight.
Exercised heavily with small success, but the more I exercise the harder it gets with cardio instead of better.
For years they believed I was lying when my personal trainer said I was undereating.
My rationale for not eating was always hypoglycemia and feeling weaker when I eat then when I don't eat.
Finally got diagnosed with hyperinsulinemia, no resistance to insulin though, high cortisol, PCOS.
Diet recommended me gain weight.
Lost the weight when I reverted to my normal diet.
I struggled with several issues due to undiagnosed autism, including discrimination from social services, being denied Access to health care, employment and education.
In 2018 I was hospitalized against my will. Keeping kosher was apparently an eating disorder. Also because I was disorganized and had clutter, but not that serious back then.
They accused me of anorexia and bulimia. Was monitored because I threw up everything I was fedcat the hospital.
Maybe I should mention it also happened in 2021 during COVID-19 which was an even more traumatic experience. They wanted to diagnose me with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and other behavioural issues. They insulted me, used nefarious stereotypes of autism and denied me access to autistic medical care and didn't let me get lawyer or ngo support.
They prescribed me fluoxetine for weight loss and doubled dosage even though I was already barely eating and nothing I ate stayed in my stomach.( lack of appetite and purging was involuntary. I was even strapped, diet changed, but something about hospital made it hard to keep food down. even after leaving took me weeks to be able to eat properly again)
I was also forced to wear a mask 24\7 and they sometimes wouldn't let us change masks for days which impacted my asthma to this day.
Other things that impact my diet is ADHD and C-PTSD. I forget to eat, and sometimes I willingly forego food for days, weeks. Not because I don't want to eat, but because I don't feel safe to leave the house to buy food, rationally I know I need to go get food, but I struggle with leaving the house when certain PTSD triggers happen.
Now I am finding motivation to leave the house and get a medical appointment for my asthma but I struggle with trusting doctors or leaving the house particularly weekdays before night time, but because I was hospitalized against my will on a weekend at night, now even the safest times I feel anxiety.i wanna lose weight and be healthy, I don't know what is the main obstacle, my ASD, Asthma, C-PTSD or PCOS. I want to do things but I am at a loss. New Theory is getting my asthma medication will help. But doctors gaslighted me so much for decades I kinda feel ashamed and disheartened seeking other doctors again even though I am officially diagnosed
