tldr: After years of abusing food and avoiding scales, I had to go to the doctor to clear up skin issue (perioral dermatitis). It led me on a weight loss journey and I have lost 50lbs in total, but I still feel the same from a mental perspective. My body has changed, but only I can tell. Feeling discouraged, but I will continue. I was feeling hungry... So, I wrote a novel to distract me until it's time to eat.
In June of 2018, I started developing weird bumps around my mouth. I did what any normal person would do, I started to Google. I found numerous diseases these bumps could have been, but I tried to treat them myself with over the counter creams. I dealt with this for 6 months. It was greatly affecting my life. I was so self conscious about them and would ice them and put cream, but nothing would help. Well, why didn't I just go to the doctor? Good question. I dreaded the weigh in. I didn't have a doctor. I had never been to the doctor in my adult life. The last time I went to a doctor was in 2002 at the age of 14 for a sports physical. I weight 339lbs. I didn't want to know what I weighed at 30. I knew it wasn't going to be good.
I finally had enough of these bumps. I found a doctor and made an appointment. I asked for a new patient physical and a complete blood work to see where I stood at the age of 30. I worried about the weigh in and what the doctor would tell me. I had no idea what I weighed and how bad my health would be once the blood work had came back. I feared diabetes because a lot of people in my family have it. The last time I stepped on a scale was in 2007. I was working at a tomato processing plant and they had an industrial scale to weight bins. I stepped on it and I was 415lbs. So, I knew I was over 400lbs. I thought I might be pushing 500lbs.
Well, the day comes and I have to step on the scale. I stand there feeling very vulnerable. I see the numbers finally stabilize... I was 424lbs. A sigh of relief came over me. I was happy I had only gained 9lbs in 11 years. I go though with the physical and then head out to get some food. On the way home I was thinking that I need to lose weight. I wasn't happy with my body and only gaining 9lbs in 11 years wasn't a good thing when you weigh over 400lbs. My weight has been holding me back. It took me a couple of weeks of procrastinating, but once my cousins decided they were going to work out and get into shape, I joined in. This was a big step for me. I had never show interest in losing weight to other people. My weight had been an elephant in the room we all ignored. Especially me. Fast forward two weeks and I had to go back for lab results. I weighed in at 408lbs. I had lost 16lbs. I was ecstatic. Walking 3 miles a day and cutting back on food was working. On top of that my labs came back in good standing. I only needed to take supplements to up my Vitamin D and good cholesterol intake. The only negative when it came to my health was my blood pressure (this was known during my physical), but that could easily be fixed by continuing what I had been doing for the three weeks previously.
Eventually, my cousins lost interest and I just focused on my diet. I dropped exercising and tried Keto. I did that for a month and I felt skinnier, but didn't have a way to weigh myself. In March I gave up. I just ate whatever and how much ever I wanted. I reverted back to my old ways. I felt defeated. March to July was a rough time. Eating helped me cope. In July I started a new job. It was seasonal and I wanted to save money to buy exercise equipment so I could work out at home. In October I was laid off. I was able to buy a stationary bike and scale with what money I didn't have to spend on bills. My plan was to work out at home and continue the success I had in January and February. I weighed myself and I was 408lbs. It was a good boost to help me get going. I didn't feel like I undid anything. I had only put it on hold. In a month I was down to 390.
Thanksgiving threw me off for a good month and a half, but in January I decided it was time to get back to it. I went up to 394lbs. Since January 14th, I have only missed 3 workouts (I workout M-F) and log my food everyday. I am down to 370lbs. My body feels different. I can feel my muscles in my arms and legs. My legs are thinner. My fat rolls around my midsection are getting tighter. My clothes fit much better and some much bigger. It's encouraging.
I feel good, but I do get discouraged when the scale is barely moving (lately). Although I notice the changes in my body, nobody else can and this also make me feel discouraged.
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