[F/18/5'1"/SW-275/CW-165]
Trigger Warning mentions Binge Eating Disorder and bullying
Backstory: So I have Binge Eating Disorder, which caused me to gain a ton of weight (roughly 70 pounds) when I was 15/16 and I reached 275 pounds back in July, 2019. I have to admit, I've never been a healthy weight, neither has my family, so ever since I was a toddler I've been clinically obese. My weight has always bothered me since I was bullied as a kid and targeted by adults due to my weight, as a teen I couldn't fit clothes I liked, etc. When I stepped on the scale and seen 275, I realized that now it's not only how I personally feel about it, it's also the fact that if I didn't stop myself as soon as possible, I'd be 300 pounds in no time. So I took it upon myself to do as much research as I could to learn about losing weight, fitness, etc. and I ended up loosing nearly 45 pounds from July 20th, 2019 to January 8th, 2020. I hit a plateau in February, 2020 (my Mom loves to buy Valentine's candy) but quickly got back on track without any weight gain. My calorie intake was around 1100-1200 from the time I started to May of 2020. In May, I had kept up a fitness routine (I would cycle for 12 miles a day, walk for 3, and do arm/upper body exercises since I had weak arms. I found that I actually really enjoy and look forward to exercising) and I had dieted for 10 months at this point (quite a few non diet days were within that time period too). A close, life-long friend stayed with us over Memorial day weekend in May and she loves food, doesn't care about what she eats, etc., which I enjoyed because I wanted to take a break and treat myself after loosing almost 80 pounds (I was 200 pounds at this point). We ordered take out a few times too, since she lives in a small community that doesn't have many restaurants, unlike me who still lives in the city we grew up in. We also made food on the grill and a few favorite desserts we've loved since we were kids. After she left, I quickly got back on track and was only out of the loop for two weeks, but I still exercised within that time. By July, I was walking and swimming for my exercise since my stationary bike broke and my new one made the loudest clanging and sqeaking noises. I also went to the doctor that month and she never mentioned my weight, which was fantastic and a first for me. I was still obese though. I stopped exercising in September (most days were too chilly to swim) and I only walked a couple times that month, because I found out that my neighbors were watching me the whole time (I had thought they were, but it never bothered me until it was confirmed). I just didn't like the thought that strangers could watch me when I'm out on my walks — since a few of the people who live nearby are registered predators. I made sure to never walk unless I had my phone's gps tracker on and my family was home, so they could make sure I was alright or look at my tracker to see where I was. It still bothered me too much though. But by the first week of October I was still going strong and got down to 152 pounds, I was now considered overweight.
A few events triggered my Binge Eating Disorder during the second week of October. Ever since then I haven't been able to control my eating, some days were better than others though and I'm now to the point where I don't overeat and can restrict a bit. I know it'll be awhile before I'm back to the place I was before the binging started. I thought this binge would only last a couple weeks since I started exercising (1 hour on my stationary bike) and watching what I ate again around the last week of October through November. I still had small slip ups, but the real slip up happened at Thanksgiving where I cooked a ton of food and ate three full dinner plates and pie, etc. I felt sick for a few days after that. I got a grip again in the first week of December, but my close friend came over and we made gingerbread houses, ate a lot, etc. Then in mid-December me and my Mom made over 500 cookies to give out to my Dad's employees, all of which had icing, chocolate, candy, etc. on them. I ate quite a bit of that too, then I would binge on normal foods until Xmas dinner came, then I had my birthday where I ate from two cakes (my Mom bought one and I made one), ice cream, and pizza. Then New Years was spent at my friend's house (she stayed at my house from the 28th, we celebrated my birthday, and then we waited until New Years Eve to go to her house) and we snacked on the buckets of holiday candy she got from her family. I literally binged on nearly everything I could without realizing it, haha.
I was actually feeling sick from all the food I was eating. I now have a treadmill, bought myself a new scale, and some control over myself again. I'm now back to eating 1200 calories a day and I've been walking on my treadmill, I took a break on the 7th, but every other day I've spent two hours walking. I'm hopeful because I stepped on the scale this morning, and seen that I've lost 1.5 pounds since New Year! That's really exciting since I actually got back up to 168 pounds over the past three months. I still had quite a few candies and a couple Little Debbie oatmeal pies my Mom bought over this past week, but it's a work in progress.
I hope a few people read my story and know that they can do it, really it's all will power and forgiveness, please don't be too hard on yourself if you're going through a rough patch! Feel free to ask any questions :)
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