Trigger warning ⚠️: EDs, restrictive eating patterns
I think this is mostly just a rant, but I’m hoping some people here might relate.
I was on the chubbier side growing up and by the time I hit puberty I was already considered “fat” by the standards where I’m from (Asia, very appearance-focused, and generally most people tend to be petite and almost waifish especially during my teen years). I started yo-yo dieting really young and fell into disordered eating patterns around 13, and was really pushed into dieting initially by my family especially my aunts. I stayed very restrictive for years and maintained my lowest weight for almost a decade.
Then the pandemic hit in 2020 and during lockdown I gained over 30kg, which was a huge amount on my frame since I’m only 5ft.
I started losing weight slowly around 2023, but didn’t really start working out or making intentional lifestyle changes until early 2024, and I’d say I really locked in during 2025. Because of my history, I tried really hard not to go back to aggressive calorie tracking and instead focused on more intuitive eating and sustainable habits.
Since then I’ve lost a little over 20kg, and I’m now at the point where I probably have around 8–10kg left to go. Objectively I know that’s not a huge amount, but it feels like the hardest part.
What’s messing with my head lately is that my body at this weight looks drastically different than the last time I was here (around the pandemic era).
I’m trying to focus on the positives. I’m stronger, my habits are healthier, and this time it’s actually sustainable. But, it’s hard not to fixate on specific things. For example, my stomach now has a pretty noticeable B-belly. You can’t really tell in clothes, but when I see myself in just underwear it really gets to me.
On top of that, my weight loss has started to plateau, and I’m scared that the only way forward is to start strict calorie tracking again — which I really don’t want to do because of my past with restrictive eating and ed’s
I guess I’m just frustrated with how different this phase feels compared to previous times I’ve lost weight. Especially after having once maintained a lower weight for years and then gaining it all back. It’s also a hard pill to swallow knowing that even when I do hit the goal weight, I probably won’t look like what I used to before all the weight gain, and probably never look like how I want to due to stretch marks and loose skin.
Has anyone else struggled mentally with the “last stretch,” or with your body looking different even at the same number on the scale? How did you handle plateaus without slipping back into unhealthy habits? How do you also try to feel more positive about loose skin and the stretchmarks?
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