My weight has always felt like something that just happened to me. Something that I was subjected to. Get sick, lose 30 lbs, take steroids, gain 50, get depressed lose 10, stay depressed gain 25, get stressed etc etc. It has never been something in my control & a subject I avoided thinking about. Life just happens - find joy elsewhere - you'll never like your body anyway. But my dissatisfaction with my body has always persisted at the back of my mind (I want to rock-climb, I want to feel comfortable around my partner, I want to go on that hike, I want to...)
I'm on Day 21 (this is the 'habit threshold'... right)? I make the food at home, I weigh it (fl.oz.? g? lb.oz? I always feel like I'll pick the wrong thing), I scan the barcode, I eat it. I repeat this process for 90% of what goes into my mouth. I calculated my TDEE - I have been managing to stay near my goals (not exactly, but far over 3,500 calories below maintenance per week). I run 4 times a week, weights once (I don't log my exercise in MFP). And the scale... crept down 5 pounds? (And then back up near my period... and back down when it ended).
As I was weighing my chicken breast today, it all just kind of hit me. I feel better. I am putting more effort into my appearance. I'm jogging around my neighborhood and getting to know my neighbors. I'm going to work, going to class, meeting deadlines, saving money, going to the doctor, cleaning my home... And all because I finally put my foot down, bought a food scale, started honestly weighing what I eat and exercising. I'm being honest with myself.
But something in the back of my mind (I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way) keeps telling me that I'm not going to make it, it's not going to work, and even if I weigh everything I eat to the nearest 10th place decimal & run everyday I will never feel at home with body.
But today I realized... that's not true, is it? If I just keep on like this - it'll be tough - but something has got to give, and I can't run everyday and simply not get stronger. I can't weigh everything I eat & keep over eating. So I will, and if I keep taking everyday one at a time, focus on myself, and take each motion we all have to go through in order to achieve sustainable weight loss - I will and life will happen but this time I'll be ok.
Because I realized my weight isn't something that just happens to me, it's not something I'm subjected to. My weight is a part of me (a part, not everything, but still important) that I can be in control of & have a relationship with.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2GrA0Ks
