NOTE: I'm not a native English speaker, so there may be grammatical errors. Lmk if you don't understand something I've written :)
Details: 17F, 5'0 (152cm), SW:176lbs (80kg), GW: 110lbs (50kg) [I have PCOS, I think that's relevant]
I've been overweight since the age of 5, but I went from overweight to obese during quarantine (I was 15). Schools reopened, and I felt horrible after seeing how my friends (who, might I add, were already healthy people unlike myself) had used the quarantine months to become fitter and healthier whereas I had treated my body terribly during the same months. And so it began. I started trying to lose weight.
Here's the timeline:
- April 17 2021- I started my weight loss journey at 176 lbs (80kg). Conducted intensive research, learned all about BMR, TDEE, CICO, macros, etc., and got to work.
- December 9 2021- I hit 143 lbs (65kg), thanks to my consistent efforts. But then, it was time for winter break. I went to my homeland to visit my paternal family. They’re fairly healthy people, but they tend to let themselves go during Christmas and New Year’s. I spiraled out of control during (and after) the holidays. Ever since the incident. I’ve started to attach negative connotations to visiting my homeland. I know it’s wrong, but I couldn’t help but associate my failure with it.
- March 12 2022- I weighed in at 165 lbs (75kg). I was very disappointed in myself. Regardless, I told myself that mistakes happen, picked myself back up, and started trying again. Then I got COVID. Got over that hurdle too, and started trying again.
- June 23 2022-I somehow managed to get down to 156 lbs (71kg) with lots of yoyo-ing (I was stress-eating due to exams). Things were chill for the next few weeks. Now that I look back at it, it was the calm before the storm. The storm was summer break (dun dun duuuuun). It was time to go back to my homeland.
- July 7 2022- I reached my homeland and met my maternal family. They're a festive bunch, to say the least. We've been going out for dinner every day. They buy cakes, chocolates, and fried foods every day. I kid you not, every. damn. day. They're unhealthy people and pride themselves on it. I tried bringing up my lifestyle choices and they laughed in my face. I started getting stressed due to this new environment which didn't allow me to work on my goal, and that caused me to turn to food for comfort as well. Things were NOT going well, and they continued to stay the same way.
- July 25 2022 (aka today)- I'm still a goddamn mess. In fact, I just downed 7 slices of bread right before I started typing this post. I haven't weighed myself after getting here because my maternal family doesn't own a weighing scale (what a shocker). But I feel my clothes getting tighter, and my face is looking puffier. Maybe I'm imagining it, maybe I'm not. But I know I'm on the path to my downfall.
It sucks how I can't break free. I've been trying to lose weight for over a year only to end up nowhere close to my goal. I feel trapped, and I'm doubting whether I should keep trying and failing or just give up and be obese forever. I'm beginning to sound irrational, but maybe I was just destined to be unhealthy and have health complications my entire life. I'm not in a good place, any guidance would be much appreciated.
TLDR: Went from 176 lbs (80kg) to 143 lbs (65kg) to 165 lbs (75kg) to 156 lbs (71kg), and now I seem to be gaining weight again. I'm afraid I'm slowly inching back to square one, and I'm considering giving up. I would appreciate your support and any advice you may have.
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