have to say, i genuinely love food and cooking it and looking at it and eating it and just everything about it. natural food and the processes of making it are absolutely beautiful but this has not always been my take. an especially dominant feature of my teens was hating food to the core and being very disordered in the way i ate. i wasn't even my heaviest at the time but it was horrible. the years i've spent since then just being fat and not caring have actually been a lot less painful (although still signfigantly effecting my quality of life) but i can't keep that up either for health reasons. just this past january, my doctor has told me as much and, in response, i've been pretty diligent. since my appointment with her, i've lost over 25lbs now thanks to calorie counting and regular exercise. i still have a lot of weight to go but i think it's been a successful start and things have just really clicked. i'm still going strong and in it for the long term.
the thing that concerns me a little is how strict i've been about this and how i'm experiencing feelings of 'winning' and almost a high from my success. i worry sometimes i'm not actually in control, but developing something unhealthy. control and obsession are themes for me and don't always work in my best interest. adding to that, as part of my process, i rely on the internet (this sub, for example) and that's not always healthy either. there are a lot of disordered people all over the internet and communities can be both helpful and toxic at the same time.
i'm at least critical of media and don't let everything i read soak in. just the other day, i was watching a fitness video on youtube with some tips for long-term weight loss. this guy made a lot of sense and won enough of my trust to make me consider one of the tips he'd given. his advice was that having a 'cheat day' can easily undo progress and isn't a great idea. a cheat meal, on the other hand can do very little lasting damage to the progress made by consistent healthy habits.
i wanted to do this sort of to prove to myself that i actually am in control and exercising discipline and not just using weight loss as a guise for secretly messing myself up and turning it into a mind game. i should be able to eat something i like without beating myself up afterwards or trying to make up for it with hours of exercise (that being said, i did do this right after hitting the gym). so i got two things i really like: a footlong veggie sub from subway and a bunch of chocolate covered jube jubes.
i ate them. i don't care about the calories (not going to even bother calculating). i enjoyed them. i don't think i have to go out of my way to do it again.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/18N07Lu
