Hey all ❤️
Long time lurker, love the community, and I'm finally going all in with weight loss... Again 🙃🙃
Not fond of talking about myself, and found writing this felt narcissistic/self centred, but hopefully this pathway to weightloss ressonates with some enough to find some reason to share or make an accountability group or something?
(Writing this on an old phone and writing whatever comes to mind. Sorry if it's disjointed)
Weight gain story:
- as a child I was a chubster and I apparently come from a family that very easily puts on weight etc. (I am adopted, not completely sure)*
After/during highschool I was extraordinarily fit and lean, into endurance sports and weightlifting. I tried to find photos, but I've never been one to take them. Will post if I can find!
In my first 2 years of university I became more and more addicted to weight training/plyometric training and nutritional science. I was addicted, life revolved around fitness and health. The only "bad thing" I would have was a little bit of sweet chilli sauce with my lentils sometimes. I LOVED it, despite what that sounds like. I could never see a world where I could "let myself go" and I used to feel no empathy for those who had, or emotions in general.
Towards the end of my second year in 2015, I had an event triggering something that happened in childhood. A thing my brain had completely shut out. It made me a robot (emotionally) to deal with it. What followed was deep depression (till recently), insomnia (next 2 years), and a complete change in everything I loved (gym, nutrition, learning, going out, friends) becoming a chore. More to the point my weight fluctuation went as follows over the next 5 years (I'm male, 186cm - (6' 1" or whatever it is)) :
Over the next 6 months: 85-90 kgs fit - - - - > 108kgs moderately active - powerlifting, hitting weights I never imagined, but was very UNFIT.
I dropped out of university, focused ONLY on losing the weight for 4 months. Worked on a farm for the next 5 months eating 6,000 calories ++ per day and still lost weight - > to 81kgs very lean, some muscle lost.
*the next 2 years I slowly rose up, Down, and up to 100kgs and stayed there until 2018. In which I became very isolated, tried to go back to university without having dealt with any of my problems, failed the year, had a comical amount of Injuries, had knee surgery etc. and gained 46kgs till I hit my highest weight of 146kgs (after dieting for a few days, so probably a little more, but I didn't weigh 😳).
I constantly still thought I was my past self though and had a horrible time accepting it, thinking "I still have all this knowledge on nutrition and exercise, I can easily just click my fingers and implement it as I had for years prior" despite the fact that I couldn't do it for more than a week or two before devolving back into this food scoffing dump truck, eating 4 large pizzas with 4 sides and a Coke zero (cause I was worried about drinking my calories 🤔🤔) in half an hour.
I reeled my weight in depending on my injuries and how active I could be - hovering between 115kgs and 135kgs ish. Obviously only exercise changed things, diet was still awful, completely reliant on comfort food - emotional eating. If I did try change diet it was all extremely bland, rice, vegetables, and lentils.
Throughout this time I tried all the things that previously worked for the fitness fanatic version of me, CICO, my fitness pal, changing training to lighter weights, walking my crazy doggo. Things worked but I'd always hit a wall or start "rewarding myself" for hitting a goal and go off the rails.
In a low point of my mental state, after recovering from surgery and reinjuring the knee right after at the new job I got, I was fortunate enough to go back to my parents' house for a few months to rebuild myself, work on the trauma, get habits in check.
It worked for a while but the cycle of gaining and losing started again. From 144kgs down to 118kgs right before COVID happened, then back to 135 ish, and now back to losing weight again 😂😂😂.
Mentally, I've made strides and still working on things, I'm back studying what I love, despite still not having the capacity to do everything I want to do - largely cause of my body.
Enough about the story/past: currently, my weight loss over the last 3 weeks has gone from 134kgs to 127kgs currently. I have, for the first time created a proper tasty meal plan, stuck to it without relying on extreme amounts of exercise. Not gotten takeaways/worked it into CICO. Not cheated. Not had extreme cravings for certain foods, only slight hunger. I've seen the amount of money I've spent on fast food, and am sickened by it. I feel like something has clicked on the diet end of things, which never happened before. The exercise has a bit to be desired, but it'll come with time.
I will update with pictures, milestones, failures, and anything that has lessened the burden on will power. Partially just to write things down and document this - doesn't matter if nobody reads or interacts with the post.
My current array of stretch marks are a sign of growth in more ways than just physical. I've had the privilege of learning a hell of a lot about myself through this journey, and clearly there is a lot more to learn.
My goal weight is 90kgs, with numerous milestones along the way of course. Not sure how this posting thing works but pics to come.
TL;DR: background on my weight gain/start of loss/lifestyle change story - (extremely fit, then trauma triggered depression, gained 50+ kg, now losing weight in a more suitable manner working on my relationship with food). Share any fit to fat to fit stories?
Please share any helpful tips/whether your situation is similar or not. Call me out on any bullshit I'm telling myself, let me know if I should add or take out anything from the post to make it easier to understand or read, anything that might help :)
