I contemplated making this post as I’m honestly embarrassed of my weight and letting it get this far, but seeing so many other people here in my same shoes is uplifting to say the least.
So back in 2019 I was working crazy hours (think 16+ most days) and I didn’t really have a chance to eat on the job. I ended up losing about 40lbs from that in just a few months, I had started at nearly 400lbs 😬
I left that job soon after but I guess such a drastic weight loss when I really didn’t feel like I was actually DOING anything kind of jump started my desire to lose weight(something I was never able to take seriously before). It also helps in this case that I have adhd and so I kinda became hyper fixated on working out, counting calories, meal planning, etc.
Then Covid came, and the gyms closed. And that was honestly my downfall. I didn’t have the proper drive or ambition I suppose to work out at home, but I kept to my calorie deficit and eventually ended up at my lowest adult weight of 304 🥳 (during this time I was also unemployed which maybe made it easier to stick to it?)
Then when I started working again, probably end of 2020 beginning of 2021, I started gaining pretty quick. I gained about 25 pounds in just a few months. I just couldn’t stick to counting, stopped eating healthy, it was horrible. And I KNEW I wasn’t happy like this, but it’s like I lost that super focused drive to do anything about it. I’m so motivated and driven in other parts of my life but this is like the one aspect where I jsut can’t seem to do it right.
Now, present day, I’m nearly 350, I’m not even gonna get into how I feel about it. I order DoorDash for nearly every meal bc I honestly hate cooking, don’t go to the gym(I loved the gym before btw), and it’s like whenever I have a crisis about my weight in the middle of the night and decide I’m gonna do something about it, I can’t stick to it. I can’t stick to even the simplest of home cooking. It’s pathetic honestly, I used to be great at this. It’s like I know what I need to do, I just can’t.
Anyway, my reason for saying this (besides just to vent to a like minded community) is bc now I look in the mirror and I can visibly see my face getting fatter. I’m pretty much completely out of breath after going up the stairs to my apartment. And I know now I’m 350 after not weighing myself in about a year and it’s just…a very scary number and a very scary thing I’m allowing to happen.
I’ve lived my whole life fat. I thought I was working to escape that and finally be happy with who I am but, guess not.
I’ve decided I have to try again, but I’ll start with small manageable goals rather than everything at once. I’m going to focus on not eating out before I work on counting again. Bc I have to remind myself on some level like…you can’t take the easy way out, you have to cook your meals. Once I’m better with that I’ll start counting + hopefully doing long walks with my dog and things like that and then after a while I’ll start going to the gym again. I’ve wasted nearly all my 20’s being fat to the point that it hinders my life, both socially and physically and I just can’t keep doing it.
Thanks to anyone that actually read this! ☺️ I really just needed to vent about this situation.
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