Hey. Just to state, I'm just gonna be going over what my life was like before, during, and after weight loss, and even things I learned/advice I'd give based on my journey. Just to state too, I have physical and mental health issues, so it limited me and has been a constant battle on this journey. Sorry if this is long and rambley haha
So I was slim my whole life, I never looked at my diet or actively worked out. Then throughout 2018-2023, I went through multiple, extensive, severe traumas. I gained weight, and I just didn't stop gaining weight. I also reached a point where I became almost completely inactive, like, I'd hit 1,000 steps per week, I never did any form of activity, I don't say this jokingly, my activity was leaving my bed/sofa to go to the kitchen to get food, going to eat was my "workout"
Then finally in 2024 life stopped beating me, I knew it wouldn't last, so I had to do something while I had this grace period. I was terrified, part of my trauma tied into the gym, but I wanted this, and my mum told me she'd be getting married in just over a year, and I knew how much I'd hate myself if I looked back on those photos and saw I was still fat, so I spent all of April seeing if I could afford the gym, then in May, I joined it
Wanna know what happened my first day? I barely managed 5 minutes on the elliptical, took like 8 breaks in those 5 minutes, then went downstairs and barely used the chest press machine for 1 minute. I went home feeling ashamed and defeated. I was expecting to quit and fail, I was so used to everything failing in my life, and I thought this was failing too. I told myself I'd go every day, but I was in so much pain from what I did I could barely move for 2 days, so I failed my daily plan immediately
Then on the third day, I got up, got dressed, and just walked on a treadmill for 30 minutes. I was mad at myself, I wanted to do so much more, but I had to accept this was my limit, I hated it, but I had no choice, at least I was back at the gym and moving. I tried going every other day, but I rarely ever did it, and when I went, every time, 30 minutes on the treadmill. Then one day, about 2-3 weeks later or so, they were all busy and my only choice was the elliptical, I was terrified to touch this thing again, but I had to do something. And I did it. 30 minutes on the elliptical
I finally got gym clothes, I was so glad I could hide how bad I was sweating, then took on my other hurdle, I used the chest press machine. I finally knew about reps, and I fought for my life as I did 24 reps at 10lbs, I was meant to do 32 but couldn't, even on the lightest weight. It was humiliating. Yet every time I went to the gym, I did it, I felt ashamed, but I did it. This was my starting point, I didn't like it, but I was moving, I was progressing, and I couldn't do that if I gave up before reaching my starting point. Around 2 months in, after feeling more settled at the gym, I decided to start calorie counting, it was taking on too much before at once, but now I felt ready for it. I never changed my diet, I just gave myself a daily calorie limit, decreased my portions, decreased my snacks. This is when I really started losing weight
As time went on, I'd increase the resistance level on the elliptical, I'd increase the weight on the chest press, then eventually I slowly added more machines, like leg extension, calf press, shoulder press, abdominal crunch, I'd increase how long I used the elliptical. 6 months in I was doing 45 minutes on the elliptical and using 4 different weights machines. I'd see all these buff people around me lifting 350kg weights, and it's getting to me. But I'd tell myself, I couldn't even use the chest press at 10lbs before, now here I am doing 35lbs, I may not be as strong as them, but I'm stronger than I was, I was moving, I was progressing
I would get down on my results, I was seeing no growth from muscle, just shrinkage from weight loss, and at first I was losing 13lbs every 2 months, then it slowed more and more. I then tried increasing my gym sessions going every day, yet it never increased my weight loss. I was disheartened by the numbers, but when I looked at my body, I saw the differences, I knew how different I felt, so I kept at it. I ignored the numbers and just went based on how my heart felt. I had a schedule of every other day, one day was a "workout day" I'd do 15 minutes on the elliptical, the chest press, calf press, leg extension, then 30 minutes on the elliptical. Then a treadmill day where I just did 45 minutes of walking, then it swapped each day
1 year in, I was in a healthy weight range , none of my clothes fit any more, I looked totally different, yet I could still see my tummy and I just wanted it gone. Also at this time I got a PT who helped me with focusing my workouts and getting me into doing free weights, then around a month in, I finally changed my diet, I stopped eating processed frozen food, usually just chicken and fries, and began eating fresh, homemade food with vegetables. I finally lost that tummy 14 months in, and this is when I finally really started seeing muscle mass on my arms and legs, like for the first time in my life, I can actually see and feel muscles. Before, I touched my body and it was just flab, just straight fat, that was it. But now I finally am seeing and feeling muscle mass
For the first time in many years, I finally have been able to touch my body and look at it again, I can sit around in my underwear without feeling disgusted, I don't feel self conscious eating in public, I'm not constantly tugging on my clothes, I just feel so much more at peace with myself. Starting it was so hard, I really thought I'd give in, but I am glad I stuck to it, and I am glad I reached this point, I put in the work and I got the reward. I lost my weight, I've gained muscle, I looked good for my mum's wedding, I achieved all my goals by being consistent and focusing on my end goal. I began this unable to use a treadmill for 5 minutes, unable to lift 10lbs, and needing a 2 days break. Now here I am thinking 10lbs feels like a feather, and using a treadmill for 45 minutes, and I do this daily
I am no expert, I made most of this up as I went along. But if I can give some advice: 1, be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to be slow, pace yourself, don't take on too much, don't give up because you feel you aren't doing enough or hitting goals, progress is progress, mental progress is progress, even thinking about wanting to change is progress. 2, be hard on yourself. It's as important as being kind, people always ask me how I lost this weight and kept it off, as they struggle with either/both, and when I tell them how, they say I am strict and they can never do it, and our results show the consequences of those different mindsets. Personally I find, the more I give into that voice, the harder it is, and the stricter I was at the start, the easier it was later on. So that's going to the gym even when you don't feel like it, sticking to your diet plan, resisting that cake/ice cream/fast food, sometimes to be kind to yourself, you need to be cruel, it's taking the hard option even when you want the easy one
3, don't compare yourself to others, compare yourself to yourself. If you are different in any way to how you started, be proud of that, even if it is just a mindset, be proud of that. You don't need to beat over 4 billion other people, you just need to beat who you were. There's only 1 person you need to be better than. 4, make it manageable. My PT almost ruined the gym for me by taking control from me, making me do a routine I couldn't keep up with, and making me upset by never meeting his goals. If you want to keep this up, you need to enjoy what you are doing, and it needs to be something you can keep going back to and do. By other people's standards, could I be doing more right now? Undoubtedly. But by my standards, am I doing what's best for me, while letting me function in other aspects of life, and enjoy what I am doing still? 100%
