New to this subreddit, not so new to weight loss. Also sorry for the formatting, I’m on mobile and I’m still trying to get the hang of things here on this subreddit.
I just want to start off and say that all the posts on this page are so uplifting and motivating! I like checking in every morning to read what people have posted and it makes me so happy to see people post their Victories and their Struggles. This post might be lengthy and it's a preface to my weightloss struggles.... and I never really had a place to share it with people until finding this subreddit. So bare with me..
I’ve been overweight my whole life. I’m a 23 y/o female, currently weighing 260lbs, at a height of 5’1. I’m like a little ball of jiggly dough. Ever since I could remember, from back in first grade, my moms put me on so many diets and tried to maintain my weight. I would fluctuate and it just drove me NUTS! Even during middle school, as I would go about my day, I was really self-conscious with how I looked and how I ate.
While in high school, my senior year, I weight weight at 220 pounds. After the first semester, I realized that prom season was around the corner and I didn't want to look like those "other" girls (The theater kids, as they would call them back when I was in high school) in unflattering dresses. I was in denial but at the same time I was freaking out because I didn't want to look ugly for my prom. So I went gluten free, no-white all-browns, and cut out any and all fast food options, and snacked on a ton of trader joe's snacks and tried keeping a food journal. I hired a personal trainer and we did cross-fit and mild weight training coupled with hikes and jogs. I had picked out a dress back in March and when it was mid-April I was down x many dress sizes. By the time prom rolled around, I had reached a weight of 170lbs and I was at my thinnest at the time. For me, it was such a huge accomplishment! I had lost 50lbs through diet and exercise, 6 dress sizes and I had to get my entire outfit tailored down! I was so happy and so proud of myself! When the year ended and I graduated, only then did my parents break the news, over a month after it had happened, that my grandmother had passed away. She and I were so close and honestly, it left me in ruins. I went back to the motherland that summer and it went all downhill from there. I enrolled in community college and that's when I was hit with freshmen 30... or so I thought.
To add to all of this, I developed a ravenous palate. I became a total foodie-- a food junkie. I craved rich, flavorful foods. I loved exploring different cuisines, which led me to eat out even more. I was in college! I had freedom! I had a credit card so that meant spending, spending, spending.. on what? On food! My dad joked that I would quit and take up professional cooking because of how much I loved food. And as my love for food grew, so did my stomach. Slowly but surely, I gained half my weight back. After transferring to a 4-year, I gained the rest of my weight back plus another 10lbs, pushing me over how much I weighed in high school. It's my last semester in college, and lately, I've started to hate taking pictures with friends, I refuse to take pictures, and I hate going shopping.
It's been like this since last summer. I went abroad last summer and it forced me to walk for miles, which helped me lose some water weight. But I was still the round, jiggly ball of dough. When I came back, I had learned to eat smaller portions, but that all went away when I was eating my favorite foods back in the states. Finally, last week, on April 22nd, after weeks of deliberation, I decided to join Jenny Craig, and that's where I learned about calorie count and smaller portion sizes. Back in high school, I would eat up to 2000 calories because I was working out intensely. I stopped working out but kept eating and it pushed me over the edge. When I joined Jenny Craig, I weighed my heaviest ever. 265.5 pounds.
I was so ashamed and disgusted with myself. I cried for days on end, seeing how much I let myself go. I vowed that I would never join a diet program but my biggest fear came true and I was so disappointed with myself. Not only that, being a bored-eater and a foodie, I mourned the fact that I couldn't eat the rich foods that I loved eating. Pad Thai? AYCE KBBQ? Burgers? Pasta? Traditional food? I actually cried over food. And I felt so much shame and embarrassment... I was scaring myself. The fact I was so attached to food scared me. So I went and I joined JC, with much reluctance. After being on Jenny Craig for over a week, I've lost 5 pounds, and honestly, when the consultant weighed me, I was so scared to look at the scale. Then she said I lost 5lbs, and honestly, I started crying. Being on JC and the foods, it was like torture for me. I cried the first day and the second day. But I could feel my body was adapting to the different eating times and the different intake of calories. They put me on a 1500 calorie diet and at first I was miserable. To top it all off, I'm only supposed to eat with they provide for me. Which I totally understand... after awhile I started getting used to it and I'm so happy to have stuck to it because it's my second week, and after hearing that I've lost 5lbs, it's become my little motivation. I've noticed that I have a little pep in my step.
I just wanted to share this with people and make it a little victory post. After 6+ years, I'm finally working towards shedding the weight. And honestly, despite still feeling the shame, I'm hoping that by the time I graduate, I will feel a bit more confident and comfortable with myself so that when I walk the stage to receive my diploma, I'll be happier and healthier than where I started off mid April.
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