Five years ago, at age 20, I was 145 lbs. I was unhappy in basically every other aspect in life, but I looked good in photos. When I look back at pics of that time and see how skinny I was, my jawline, my face, etc, I get sad, but remind myself how horrendously depressed the rest of my life was. I hated the school I went to, I was in a bad relationship, and I barely had any friends who I regularly saw or spoke to.
That weight lasted about another 8 months. I officially went off CICO in December 2014, and began feeling the weight gain by December 2015. I transferred schools, met an amazing person who I'm now engaged to, and was generally a much happier person. I tried to get back on the CICO horse but kept failing. Eventually I said 155 was fine, I'm getting older anyway, I don't need to be as skinny as I used to be.
155 became 165, I graduated college and took a full time desk job working as IT help desk. My closest coworker loved going out to lunch on the daily and I had no problem keeping up with him. 165 turned into 175 turned into 185. Now my clothes began to fit awkwardly. I could see the difference in photos of me. In my head, my self-image was still that of my old slim self from years back, and every time I'd see a picture of myself I'd get sad. The rest of my life had gotten so much better.
Over the last year or so, I've tried to get back to CICO with no success. I was really down on myself. I had no idea what I was going to do. After a long weekend in Vermont in August, I stepped on the scale to see 191 - by far my heaviest. That was the point I realized something needed to change, and change fast. What I had failed to understand was that I'm not the same person I was when I first did CICO nine years ago at age 15, nor am I the same person who was able to do it five years ago at age 20.
Over the years, I met amazing people, learned new things, developed new hobbies, and perhaps most consequentially, cultivated a love for good food. When I was in my teens and early 20s, food was not that important to me. I hardly cared about the quality of what I was eating. It was very very easy for me to cut calories and eat different things to keep calorie counts down because it didn't feel like I was depriving myself. I had no issue living on granola bars during the school day, rolled up cold cuts after school, and small portions at night. But now? After years of indulgence and becoming what can regrettably be referred to as a "foodie," straight CICO became nearly impossible. I could often do one or two-week sprints where I'd lose 7 or 8 pounds but inevitably crack due to the feeling of deprivation. Food became less of a necessity for life and more of an activity to be enjoyed, like reading or listening to music. But just because it's happy weight doesn't mean I want to look like this.
I began looking into fasting techniques. Normal 16:8 fasting wasn't effective since that was often my eating schedule anyway. I only moved out of my parents' house six months ago, and my family definitely likes to overeat and prepare heavy foods for dinner (lots of carbs and cheese). Finally I learned about the 5:2 fasting "diet" through, of all people, Jimmy Kimmel. Five days of normal eating (not five days of overeating, just regular non-diet eating) and two non-consecutive days of fasting. It sounded like something I could definitely handle, so I dove headfirst into it.
After a little less than one month on 5:2, I'm down ten pounds! When I eat breakfast on the morning after a fast, it's usually a modestly-sized egg-based dish that, in spite of being small in size, fills me up well into the late afternoon. Now that I cook my own meals, I can control exactly what goes into them, but also have the flexibility of knowing that I don't need to stick to such a low calorie total for the day. It means that when someone brings munchkins to the office that I can have one or two without feeling like I've ruined my day. It means if I make plans for a night, want a drink at the end of a work week, or even go out to lunch on a workday, that my entire week wasn't for nought. It means that if something happens and I absolutely need to eat on a fast day that I can just fast the next day and not lose ground. Yeah, the fast days can suck and you'll be hungry, but I can at least moderately suppress it by drinking plenty of water throughout the day and making a big cup of coffee after work. It feels like something truly sustainable for me. Something I can stick to for a long time! For five days out of the week, I'm not on a diet.
So far the pictures don't reflect the weight loss, but my pants and belt definitely feel a bit more comfortable these days. Progress is being made and I don't feel close to cracking. To me, that's a win!
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