... hopefully.
For background, I have been overweight my entire life. My highest recorded weight was 325 pounds, and my lowest adult weight was something like 220 (and I thought I was beyond help THEN!). CW is 315.5. Yes, bad childhood nutrition from ignorant parents, lifelong depression, and especially anxiety have all played parts in this, but I can’t hide behind those excuses any more, nor can I ignore how absolutely horrible I feel and how pessimistic I feel about the future (how much longer do I have if I accept myself at this weight? How much pain do I want to be in when my body starts to decline? What am I signing up to miss out on?).
I feel like I’ve tried everything but have stuck to nothing. My pattern is the same as many of yours are or were: some event makes me realize how far I’ve fallen and I have renewed vigour and optimism for my chances this time, I try to implement the changes, and I have a solid week or two of weight loss before I have a sad day or I find myself in a situation where it it no longer convenient to stick to my routine - work lunches, birthdays, holidays, date night, celebrations, the usual suspects. Then, “I’ll pick it back up tomorrow! Or, maybe I owe myself the weekend. The week? Ah, fuck it... I’m fine as I am” (narrator voice: she was not fine).
I want to walk more than 100m without getting winded. I want to not be afraid of a flight of stairs. I want to unlearn the habit of studiously avoiding every mirror I see. I want to KNOW that the airline seat or amusement park ride will fit me. I want to find cute clothes more often than once in awhile if I’m lucky. I want to enjoy life and start respecting my body. I want to break this lifelong cycle before it breaks me.
Things I’ll do differently this time: CICO 1400 instead of 1200, which never feels like enough. Avoid cheat days or meals, since I know they tend to throw me bodily off the wagon. Start cooking for myself more, and cooking things I like instead of the latest steamed cauliflower mess taking over the weight loss blogs I follow. I don’t know if I can promise to be kinder to myself this go-round, or even if I should... I sure don’t feel like I deserve to give myself a break yet.
This is mostly for me to read over on the hard days, but I would love to hear from you if any of this resonates with you or if you have any pointers.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2OFNCWT
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