I "started" my weight loss journey back in May, but was very noncommittal - I started at 270lb (female, 27yo, 5'4''), lost a little, gained it back, plateaued for a few months around 268. It's only been in the last three weeks that I've tracked + weighed every day, worked out 3-5x per week, and as of today I'm down to 251. It's exciting, and it feels good, and I want to rush through the next 6 months like this so I can look down at the scale and see a number below 200.
But I'm addicted to the momentum of it, and I'm afraid I'm developing a fear of foods. The first several days I started tracking I was hitting around 1800cal/day (slightly under the number MFP recommended for my eventual goal weight). I decided to speed things up and reduce my limit to 1600/day, and then convinced myself that to be doing well I had to come in below that. I wasn't satisfied with that either, so about a week and a half ago I lowered my calories to 1440, and have been ending up between 1000-1200. And now, today, it's midnight (I live in Hong Kong for the time being) and I'm at 800 calories. I'm hungry, but I don't want to eat because "now it's too late" and "I'm having breakfast soon anyway" and "it will go away if I chug a lot of water and sleep".
My calorie counts are starting to feel like a ceiling I have to keep ducking to stay under. I'm terrified of going back to binge behavior, even though I'm sure it will happen at some point on this journey to ~170lb.
Has this happened to anyone else early on? How do you develop a good relationship with food / eating? How do you keep the long-term view in perspective?
Thanks so much - even as a mostly-follower, this community means a lot to me.
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