Terrified - Giving up emotional eating.

I sorry for the wall of text, I just needed to get it all out for my sanity.

I’m 32F and currently weigh around 132kg/291lbs. I have had weight issues as long as I can remember. My childhood wasn’t traumatic or abusive, but my family weren’t overly affectionate or emotional. I was an extremely shy and anxious child with two older siblings. I was a good, quiet kid who always did well at school and never got in trouble, so sometimes it felt like I was forgotten in the background. I think that’s when my emotional eating really started to take hold. Sure, I was a bit chubby, but I was generally happy. I got more overweight and less happy as time went on.

I got a handle on my anxiety as I got older and I really tried to get a hold on my eating. I did lose a bit of weight but then depression reared its head when I was around 16/17. I was just about to graduate high school, no real idea what I wanted to do, a big group of friends but no one super close that I could talk to about things. Food became my only real friend. It made me happy (if only for a moment) and kept my mind busy when I didn’t want to feel anything.

For the next dozen or so years I went to Uni, quit Uni, worked for a bit, went back to Uni and graduated. I put on weight, I lost a little weight, I put on more weight. I was at my heaviest (145kg/320lbs) and completely hated myself when I had weight loss surgery about 7/8 years ago. It worked for a little while and I lost close to 50kgs(110lbs) but then I put most of it back on again. My body had been changed but my mind still had to same problems. This just added to the feeling of being a complete failure – I had my insides rearranged and I still couldn’t lose the weight! My parents paid for it out of their own pockets too which made (and still makes) me feel guilty as hell.

Now I’m here in the present. I got married earlier this year to a wonderful guy. I still have my ups and downs with my depression but I’m doing ok. My weight has stabilised but is much too high to be healthy. I used to be in denial – like, yeah, I’m big but I don’t have any health issues! I’m starting to really feel it now though. I’m always tired and have no energy or motivation. I work in a job where I have to be standing/walking all day long and at the end of the day I feel like my feet are going to fall off. My back aches, my legs throb. I have horrible varicose veins. My husband and I want to try for a baby but I’m terrified my weight will either make me infertile or mean something will go wrong with the baby.

Yet even with ALL of this, I still can’t break the hold that food has on me. Some days it seems like food is the only thing I have to look forward too. I KNOW that it’s hurting me and making me miserable but I just can’t stop! I start to panic whenever I know we don’t have any biscuits or chocolate in the house. I feel like a damn drug addict going through withdrawal whenever I try and give up sugary things. I know it’s all psychological and I need to break through it but it terrifies me. What am I supposed to do if I can’t eat? It’s all I know, the only way I know how to cope with life.

I would love to see a psychologist to help with this but there’s no way we can afford one, so I’m reaching out to everyone on here for help. I want to change so bad but I don’t have any faith in myself. I have failed so many times in the past. I want to get healthier so I can feel good again, so I can have a healthy pregnancy and teach my child healthy habits (I’m so scared that my child will go through what I did). I want to break the hold that food has on me and be in charge of my own life. Any insight/advice/success stories appreciated. Thank you for reading.

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Hungrier during maintenance than when I was losing weight.

Has anyone else experienced worse hunger once they reached their goal weight and are maintaining than when they were losing weight?

I had my son 9 months ago - prepregnancy I was heavier then my normal, 5'4" and 162 lbs. My highest pregnancy weight was 182 lbs. I now fluctuate between 112 and 114 lbs and have been in this range for around 6 weeks. While losing weight I never experienced overwhelming hunger. For the large majority of my weight loss I didn't track calories, I just ate healthy and worked out 5 or 6 days a week. Once I got to 120 lbs my weight loss slowed down and I then started eating 1200-1500 calories per day to lose the last several lbs.

I am now eating 1800 calories per day, and have for the past 6 weeks (other than a week on vacation where I didn't track, but I was really active hiking and rock climbing for 7 days straight). My weight has maintained within a 2 lbs range so I know I'm not under eating, but I feel hungry a lot. I have tried changing up my macros, but haven't noticed a difference with my hunger based on that, although I definitely feel better when I consume at least 20% protein.

I find myself being hungry so I eat my calories earlier in the day than I should, because then I have to suffer being hungry all evening (although going to bed hungry isn't too much of a bother for me).

Has anyone else experienced this? If so, did it get better with time?

I am at a healthy weight and have a normal BMI, my doctor is happy with my weight and I am at my best athletic performance in my adult life. Gaining weight isn't something I am interested in, nor does my doctor feel I need to or should. I am just hopeful this hunger gets better with time.

I'm thinking about setting limits for myself, such as saving at least 500 calories for after 5 pm so I can eat dinner at a normal time. One issue is my sleep in all over the place, I work 24 hour shifts which makes meal times challenging. At 4 am I got so hungry at work last night, but I didn't bring any other food (I bring what fits into my calorie goal) so I judt suffered through the hunger. I know it's not real suffering, I'm not starving, hunger is just uncomfortable.

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Im finally on a healthy weight loss journey.

I have been a rollercoaster with weight loss. i lost about 70 pounds quick, particularly in an unhealthy way. Was maybe eating around 1000 Cal a day when I should've been eating 2000 plus. So what would you know, i went back to my old lifestyle after a while and ganied about 50 pounds back.

When i go vacations i would just keep telling myself eat whatever and ill just eat 700 cals a day for the next week or so to get back on track. After a while, it stops working and i fall off the wagon, because I can't fight the urges anymore. was in this back and forth dilemma for about 5 months, putting on weight.

The changing point was when i went to a clothing store and went to try on clothes and saw how much bigger i looked in the mirrors. After that, said its time to stop making excuses for myself saying "oh ill get back on track tomorrow". So then i went back looked on everything i did wrong. 1) eating a super low amount of cals is not only unhealthy and not sustainable, sooner or later you will crash. 2) the food we deem as horrible you fast food, candy, ETC is all ok in moderation. last go-around would not have that food for months on months, but once i finally had some feel into a deep hole of binging that lasted for a couple of days. Now if I have some urge that i feel like i cant fight, ill have a small piece of candy and the temptation will be gone after that. and realize its not the end of the world.

Now im down 30 pounds but in a healthy way :)

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Yes, I want a cookie

Since April I've lost close to 30 lbs (most of it in the first 4 months). I'm within 4 lbs of my goal weight. All of it CICO. Eat less, move more.

My husband is overweight. Not obese, but 20 - 25 lbs would make a world of difference. I know you can't force somebody to get on-board the weight loss train, but he's soclose to hopping on it's driving me crazy.

Last week, I felt like I was coming down with a cold so I asked him to pick up dinner on his way home. I had him get soup and a side salad and because I didn't feel well I asked for comfort cookies (Dark Chocolate Pepperidge Farms Milanos to be exact) which I promptly ate 80% of in one night. He has marveled at this multiple times since. But, hey, I was right back on track the next day (and avoided the cold I thought was coming) and was actually down weight-wise 2 days later.

Last night, he broke his side of the couch. Granted, it's a 16-year-old couch and we've been actively looking for a replacement for the past couple of months, but there's a reason his side broke and not mine. I'm sure he knows this and am so proud of myself for not pointing out. But, yet ... is change going to come?

So, all in all, I want another damn cookie for keeping my mouth shut even though showing him the way is so damn tempting.

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I changed a lot and it changed me [Long Post]

After being on my weight loss journey for years I decided that it's time to tell you all how and what I did. BACKGROUND INFO: -I was always a bit chubby -I am doing sports since I was a kid, mostly martial arts since I'm 6 years old -I went to the gym since 2015 more of less on a regular basis ---> Progress stats and pics at the end

I had always been then chubby guy but I was always the most muscular one. Mostly because my parents wanted me to do sports which was good but hey if your forced to do it, it isn't that much fun. But when was the point I really wanted to loose weight? It all started after I met my girlfriend at the age of 14. I (the dumb boy I was) promised her to get a six pack. After I got 16 I got a membership in my town gym and started going there between school lessons or at the weekend. At this point it didn't really new much about anatomy or diet plans or work out routines. Some lifting here, some Cardio there and of course protein shakes. And yes I gained muscles but you couldn't really see it. This went on for the next few years but after I was finished with school I worked in retail for 1,5 years and didn't really had much time for the gym. My girlfriend and I tried different diet plans, fasting, only drinking smoothies and stuff like that. We tracked my weight, which was going up and down. It always worked but I didn't stick to I because my mind was weak and I always got back to my bad eating habits. FAST FORWARD TO JANUARY 2019 After moving out from my parents to study in a city near by my girlfriend and I moved into a small apartment. I didn't go to gym anymore but I was missing it. So in January 2 of my friends and I started to go to the gym regularly and you could finally see some difference. I put more effort into it and started to watch a fitness Youtuber (don't want to say the name, cause I don't know if I'm allowed to). I started tracking calories but after a few weeks I quit that because I hated it. I developed a routine (2 muscles a day, 3 days a week) and of course a looooooot of Cardio. Instead of tracking calories I just tried to eat healthy and tried to eat less with a calorie deficit. I set a deadline till October to get to 85 kg/187lbs. And what can say.... I lost over 20 kg/44lbs and I'm now trying out some new routine and diet which is more bulking than losing weight but still focused on gaining weight while losing fat. If anyone has further questions, feel free to ask. I'm gonna post more progress when I feel like I have achieved something in the next month.

WEIGHT:

2015 ~ 90 kg/198 lbs Mid 2018 ~ 110 kg/242 lbs January 2019 ~103 kg/227 lbs June 2019 ~ 95 kg/ 209 lbs End of September 2019 ~ 88 kg/ 194 lbs

Progess Pics

http://imgur.com/a/LNNzI5J

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I Actually Broke My Foot & Walking Boot Recs

I broke my foot. Yep. I can’t believe what started as a bit of an ache in my left foot turned into a complete break of my 2nd metatarsal! I’m sharing the progression of events from running one day to limping the next on the Run Eat Repeat Podcast because it’s kind of a long […]

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Did anyone else have crazy, uninformed parents when it came to weight loss?

TLDR: My dad made me weigh myself in front of him every day and made me sit in hot cars with the windows up without water to “burn more fat”.

I’ve had scattered bits of weight loss journeys for the past 15 years or so, and am now recently having good success (down 20 pounds) and newfound confidence at 29 years old. This has, of course, brought back past memories of losing weight and all the trauma that came with it.

There’s two particular situations that stand out to me. For some background, my dad struggled with his weight for most of his adulthood and managed to lose ~80 pounds within 3 months right before he started trying to get me thinner.

First, he would go with me to the gym and tennis and constantly remind me to sweat more, (This was literally his suggestion) while showing me how much he had sweat compared to me. We would then go to a sauna, or drive home in a hot car with the windows closed, to help with the “burn”. He also kept reminding me and stopping me from drinking water as that would “stop” the fat burn. Once home, we would immediately go to the scale and he would watch me weigh myself and either give me a high five or be disappointed in the effort I gave during my workout. He would sometimes also weigh me before and after a meal to see how much I gained. This crazy weighing routine pretty much continued until I was out of the house for college and started refusing him information, though he would still try to get me to tell him my weight.

There was a particular summer when he was traveling a lot for work and I had to work out by myself. That freedom was awesome. Though, like clockwork, he would call every single night to check my number. Since he wasn’t around to scare me into listening, I would make up numbers, thinking I would lose the weight quickly later before he returned. Boy did I get yelled at when he finally got home.

The other thing my dad did, that creeped me out a bit, was that he would comment on the figures of my friends. Like “look at her legs, don’t you want those legs?” or “so-and-so gained/lost weight recently”. Sadly, it made it hard for me to stay friends with some of those people because I started feeling weirdly jealous of them, more because of my desire for my dad’s approval than wanting their bodies.

It’s weird now. I want to love my dad but every little comment he makes about food or exercise make me feel a little physically ill. All I want is distance from him now. The crazy thing is that when I was a teen, I was about 30 pounds overweight, which I feel could be easily helped in positive fun ways. Instead, my parents put me on Nutrisystem (disgusting btw) and gave me so much pressure that I was researching Lapband surgery at 15.

All in all, I’m just so grateful for all the information on the internet these days and especially this subreddit. It feels a lot less lonely with the support of everyone here.

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