Hi all!
Firstly I want to thank all of you guys here (and the /r/progresspics community), because of you and the motivation and inspiration you gave me I managed to lose a bunch of weight over the last few years. Here's my backstory:
- I had a major knee injury in 2008 when I was 13 that completely screwed me over - I went from being a very active and healthy kid to being pretty sedentary. I had an ACL reconstruction and meniscal repairs, along with a bunch of other stuff at the age of 17 in 2012, and the weight started piling on after this, I gained about 10kg (22lb) over 1 year. I managed to lose this 10kg over the next year and was sitting at about 86kg or so in late 2014.
- Knee pain and problems persisted and I got really depressed and started eating my feelings away, and on top of that I had a further 2 surgeries in 2015 and I ended up going on antidepressants (Setraline then Fluoxetine) to control my OCD which had gotten a bit out of hand, and at this point my weight ballooned all the way up to about 115kg (253lb) by August 2016. This scared the heck out of me, I had never been this big in my life and was having heart palpitations, serious shortness of breath, random pains and clicks and cracks everywhere, it was awful and I felt like an 80 year old.
- This was the kick I needed to get back on track and try to do something about it, and in late 2016/Jan 2017 I went all out on CICO and managed to get down to about 76kg (168lb) by July 2018 (there were some minor setbacks along the way but I always got back on track), and was feeling amazing, I was closer to the weight I had been pre my first surgery in 2012 and was loving life! I still had issues with my knee and constant pain/locking/clicking/grinding/ literally everything, but I was proud of my achievement despite the knee situation. I managed to get my first job as well at this point (age 23 lol, but I just never thought of working before finishing uni) so everything felt like it was going amazingly. Also just to add, I never really exercised or anything, literally just power walked everywhere.
- Things went a little rocky after this when I went back to university in September 2018, I was working and a full time student, work started to really stress me out because of a shitty manager and a pretty toxic work environment, on top of this, I ended up having another knee surgery in November 2018 and my weight was just piling on after this, and again I turned to food. In around march this year I decided fuck it, I don't need to deal with this shit and quit my job, got a different job and classes were almost finished for the year and I started to feel good again, but started to neglect my weight all together since I was juggling exams, new job life etc.
- Fast forward to last week, the scale had peaked to about 100kg (220lb) and I was heartbroken. I felt like all that hard work and effort, measuring everything I ate, wearing a heart rate monitor to track calories burnt, walking everywhere, meal planning etc had gone to waste. It was so so disheartening to see a number on the scale that I had thought I'd left behind me. It genuinely made me cry and I started my weight loss journey again, and set a small goal for my 25th birthday on November 14th to try and reach 90kg or lower. I clocked in at about 96.5kg (212lb) this morning which has been the same for the past few days which is annoying, but it's still good progress so far, but I just feel so frustrated, and scared that I won't be able to continue and see it through. I know I've done it before, but back then I had done this for the first time, and I had never seen those numbers on the scale before, I wasn't used to being severely obese, so it felt natural to lose it all. But now it's like, I'm back there in that horrible weight range and it's not even the first time. I'm just so pissed at the decisions I made and for not being stronger over the past year, but what's done is done.
I came back here, since this place and the other weight loss subs gave me so much comfort and motivation, I had spent so much time reading through everyone's posts and seeing their progress and silently cheering everyone and myself on (was always a lurker). I think if anyone would understand my position, it would be you guys.
Do you have any advice, or tips to re-lose the weight you've once lost? For those who've done this once, twice or however many times in the past, what kept you going until the end, despite the frustration of having to go through the same milestones? I've tried a few time over the past year to get back on track and they've all fizzled out after a week at most, so I feel like once I go beyond this (2 weeks, or better yet, a month) I'll feel more positive about my progress.
It's worth pointing out that when I lost all that weight I had nothing else to do except go to university. I guess it was easier to focus on the weight loss when I had so much free time. The real challenge is now that I am working, in my last year before graduating, dealing with trying to start a real career and applying for graduate schemes etc. It may just be great practise for life ahead, things won't always be easy and if I can do this whilst juggling and multitasking, then I'll really have built solid foundations for managing my weight for the rest of my life, by finding a balance.
My ultimate goal weight would be about 65-68kg (143-149lb). I really want to go to the gym, but just feel embarrassed and self conscious. I tried once earlier in my weight loss journey and ended up going straight to the back of the gym and walking on a treadmill for half an hour - a waste of a gym membership when I could be doing the same thing outside with fresh air, so cancelled it after 3 months lol.
Tl;dr Lost a bunch of weight, gained more than half of it back, how to get back on track and keep going without relapsing?
The silver lining is I caught it before it went up to the highest weight I got to back in 2016, so I have that going for me eh!
sorry for the huge wall of text and thank you all once again!
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