Thursday, January 2, 2020

I want to Love Myself in 2020

So new year, new me? That’s what they say right? I know it’s pretty cliché since most people’s New Year’s Resolutions are to lose weight, but I’m not here for a fad diet for a quick fix, but rather I want to actually lose weight PROPERLY, to better myself both mentally and physically... and with the start of a new year, this is the best chance at a new start right?

I’m 17. For most my life I have struggled with my weight/body image and felt I could never really accept myself in my body. Coming from an Asian background where looks are pretty much everything didn’t help either. Being told by relatives about how ‘fat’ you look or how much ‘prettier’ you’d be when you ‘lose weight’ isn’t exactly the nicest feeling ever. And of course being the naive teen I was, I would turn to crash diets which of course didn’t work and instead started a vicious cycle of binging/dieting. What didn’t help at all was the same family members poking/making fun of every time I would properly try and get my health on track, wondering when my next diet phase would happen which of course lead me becoming de-motivated and feeling as though I would never be worth anything unless I was skinny.

I’ve tried dieting on and off since I was 14. 3 years later and I’m 190lbs. This is the heaviest I’ve ever been. For someone who is 5’5 and a small bone structure, I can not only SEE the weight gain, but also FEEL it.

I kept wondering to myself WHY couldn’t I succeed in losing weight? WHY did I keep on failing? When finally a couple reasons seemed to hit me:

1) The times I tried to lose weight before wasn’t for me but for other people. Trying to lose weight for the sake of others will never work out. If I want to lose weight, I have to want it for myself.

2) Crash diets don’t work. A quick fix will never lead to a sustainable, healthy weight loss.

3) The weight I had to lose wasn’t just on my body, but on my mind. I didn’t realise but I had a lot of deep rooted anxieties and issues that I hadn’t dealt with and had just repressed, which resulted in me using food as a comfort when I felt alone.

But now that I’ve realised my mistakes and had time to accept my emotions and let myself allow to heal, I want to lose weight for myself. Not just for (obvious) physical health reasons but also for my mental health. I want to be at a position where I practice feeling happy and accept the body that I’m in while also improving it. I want to be able to look in the mirror and LOVE what I see. I’ve wasted a lot of my life already shying away from opportunities/experiences because of my insecurities about my weight and thus, not being able to fully enjoy myself.

I know I’m still young and I have a lot to live for, hence I want to be able to life my life to its absolute fullest! I want to be able to learn how to love myself both physically and mentally. So hopefully sharing my story/experiences with likeminded people will help me in my journey.

Hopefully, in a year’s time I can look back and see the amount of progress I have made :)

So in this new decade, I hope no matter what our goals, we can all learn to love ourselves :)

‘Love Yourself, Love Myself’ — Kim Namjoon

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Slow weight loss is good too

Am I perfect at sticking to my diet? No. Do I exercise regularly? No. But do I give it my best try every day? Also no.

Every little bit helps though. I do what I can, when I can and it's adding up. This time last year I weighed 220 lbs as a 5'7" person. This morning I weighed 160. I haven't been near this weight since at least 2015.

It's hard seeing others lose weight quickly. But this is how I am able to do it, and that's ok. When I started my weight-loss journey, again, my goal was to lose enough weight by the summer so my thighs wouldn't chafe and bleed.

Now I want to lose more fat and put on some muscle, not because I hate myself anymore, but because I want better for myself. It's a shift in thinking I never thought I'd have towards myself. And though I've never posted here, this sub has taught me lots.

So to everyone losing weight slowly; it matters and you've got this.

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F/25/5’6’’ [~270 > 128 < ~150 = 120 lbs lost] (~2 years to lose, 5 years maintaining): With the surge in visitors due to New Years Resolutions, I thought I would share my own progress to motivate others who are where I started!

Hello all,

Before and After Photo can be found here!

First, many apologies for the wall of text, but most people like detail so here it is! How I lost (ultimately) 142 lbs without surgery or any medical supervision with diet and later on exercise! I’ve been a lurker-turned active member of the /r/loseit and /r/progresspics community for over 6 years now, and both of these subs were absolutely integral to my weight loss and continued maintenance. From these forums, I learned SO much about nutrition and different strategies for making your weight loss journey work for you, and furthermore I saw real examples of people who were just like me that were also succeeding. It showed me I wasn’t a hopeless case.

In December of 2012, I was in my first semester of school at the University of Pennsylvania. I had tried losing weight all throughout high school and was wildly unsuccessful (to the point where I was gaining about 20 lbs per year). I can still remember vividly how embarrassed and out of place I felt at Penn—an obese girl, also first generation/low income at an Ivy. It wasn’t the space made for me. The tipping point for me was this image, shown in one of my anthropology classes. I remember seeing the look of disgust on my classmates’ faces… and I weighed even more than the woman in the picture! I was 18 years old, and I was literally signing my late adulthood away with my lifestyle choices. It finally clicked for me, that I needed to make a huge change if I wanted a healthy future for myself.

I know I weighed about 270 lbs when I went in for my pre-university physical and vaccinations back home during the summer, but I bet my highest weight was probably higher because I went wild with the unlimited dining hall food and Wawa hoagies. The first thing I started doing was cutting out bagels. That's it. I used to eat three just for breakfast. This was the first time that I had chosen to do something and stuck with it. I also started logging calories, just to learn how to do it. I didn’t enforce any limit or anything. I knew it was more important to institute small changes that I could sustain for a long time, and not overwhelm myself. This gave me a picture of what I was doing to myself (upwards of 4000 calories a day) and showed me where I could cut down.

In the summer of 2013, I stayed in Philly to work got a bike. I also went vegetarian. Biking was the first “exercise” I did (really though, I was going maybe 3 miles total) and vegetarianism was solely for the fact that I could cut out calories and unhealthy fast foods. This was right at the cusp of the “health food craze” and fast casual dining, so healthy fast food wasn’t really accessible at the time. And if you’re vegetarian, what are you going to order when you go to McDonalds? It just made it easier to say no. This was when things really started to change when it came to my perspective and my lifestyle. I think I lost about 15-20 pounds that summer, but I wasn’t actively trying to hit any goals.

Once the school year started, I was off a dining plan so I started cooking for myself —only buying fresh fruits and veggies, tofu, hummus etc. and turned to dark chocolate Hershey kisses because there was 9 in a serving and that felt more satisfying to me than one slice of cake (my brain is all about quantity). At the end of 2013, I was down around 70 lbs overall just from changing my food choices. Yes, you read that correctly, I lost a great deal of my weight without exercise! In January of 2014, I decided I wanted to start being active, and I also stopped drinking pop. I started the C25K program (which WORKS, I highly recommend it! Check out /r/C25K if you want to know more) with a close friend who kept me accountable. When I started, I couldn't even run for a minute straight. I ran my first 5K without stopping at the end of Week 5 (of 8). I only lost 10 lbs doing C25K, but it was all about body recomp. I gained a lot of muscle, to the point where before and after C25K I had shed almost 10 inches off my waist.

In July of 2014, I was 100 lbs down and I left for Australia to study abroad. I knew that I had 6 months where I could really make some progress or get behind from all the work I had done. So, I decided to make some progress. I took up distance running more seriously, and completed a 10K. I also seriously took up MyFitnessPal and kept my intake at 1200 a day, cut out all breads (but not carbs!) and processed foods, and limited any oils consumption.

The remainder of the weight came from running, and also doing archaeological fieldwork (aka digging lots of dirt for 8 hours a day), and weightlifting (I got seriously into heavy lifting, and started with the StrongLifts 5x5 program for any who want an easy place to start). I will be very honest — yes, I did gain some weight back during my ~5 years maintaining. However, this was very intentional, and I would do it again! Ultimately, I ended up losing 142 lbs in just over 2 years and hit a low weight of 128 lbs. I realized very quickly that the lifestyle I had to maintain to keep myself at this weight was so unsustainable and would not work long-term. I was running 3 miles a day, and eating around 1,400 calories daily. I knew that life would eventually get in the way of maintaining a strict exercise regimen (and that’s the issue, it was strict). Also, 128 on my frame made me look sick and malnourished. Today I fluctuate between 145-150, wear a size 4 jean, and size Small shirt. I love how I look, and my body can do all the things I want it to do, I don’t restrict the foods I eat, and I’m happy. Each of those 20 lbs was worth my sanity.

For all those who are wondering, yes, I had a LOT of loose skin. Mostly on my arms, legs, and stomach. In the Spring of 2016, just 2 days after walking the stage at graduation, I underwent a triple surgery in one sitting—abdominoplasty, brachioplasty, and leg skin removal surgery by the fantastic Dr. Cross in Philadelphia. His work is acclaimed, his testimonials are fantastic, and it’s all for a reason. From the get-go he was kind, attentive, sensitive to the fact I was uncomfortable with my body, and just all around a great doctor. He clearly knew what he was doing, his staff all had nothing but kind things to say. Furthermore, he was completely supportive before, during, and after the surgery—even taking the time to call the night before, the night after, and a few weeks after the surgery. I honestly cannot recommend him and his team enough, he is absolutely fantastic and a true expert.

Yes, the triple-procedure was pretty extreme, but I was informed of the reasoning (i.e. I was young, healthy, and didn’t need muscle reconstruction done in my abdomen) and he said that if there was *any* sign of complication he would wake me up, no hesitation. Yes, it was as bad as you can probably imagine. I went under the knife for 5 hours (about an hour less than I was told it would take). My procedure went completely smoothly, and I was told I did a brilliant job. If you want to see the before, after, and progress from this procedure, please refer to [1] these [2] two posts. I'm also very happy to answer any questions regarding the surgery so pm if you have any questions!

edit: missed a hyperlink

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How to stay motivated with slow weight loss

Hey all: throughout my adult life I've been continually gaining and losing the same 25-30 pounds. The only way I know how to lose is through major crash diets where I drop the weight over 2-3 months. Obviously that's not something that I want to do for the rest of my life, so I'd like to move toward a more gradual method of weight loss. The problem is that I need to see the scale moving to keep me motivated. I'm worried that if the weight loss slows considerably I'll lose my motivation and revert to bad habits. As with most weight loss issues, I know what to do, I just am not sure how to make myself do it. Does anyone have experience switching from a crash dieting method to a slower and more sustainable weight loss, and does anyone have any tips?

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Getting refocused and reenergized for 2020! Two weeks is long enough for eating and drinking everything under the sun

I’ve basically been eating and drinking everyday since December 20th after months of successful weight loss of 50lbs. I feel like crap, my skin looks dull, I feel bloated and uncomfortable, face is starting to get puffy, and y’all know the rest. It’s time to get back on track! I’ve been off almost 2 solid weeks with no working out either. I know I am up some pounds but I am trying to stay calm and get refocused and utilize those extra calories I consumed for an extra pump in my workouts 💪. I am not weighing myself right now. I will plan to weigh myself after 2 weeks of eating normal and getting used to working out again. I have always gotten overwhelmed this time of year in the past and just blew it off thinking “well I’ve been eating for weeks, you’re just too far gone to fix it.” I would get too focused on the big picture and not focus on small sustainable goals that ultimately add up to big successes! That changes this year! I have created healthy habits and I can tell they are working because eating unhealthy for so long is making me feel blah. I didn’t used to notice that blah feeling but now I can feel it and I don’t like it! I guess I’m just trying to put good vibes or energies or whatever out into the universe to refocus my noggin and get back in the groove of things! Here’s to 2020 folks!

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Before (early August, 128.8 Kg) - After (Today, 114.8)

I am wearing the same shirt for comparison's sake.

https://imgur.com/a/lmOSffY

I subscribed to WeightWatchers in August, I had gone through multiple "diets" in the past years, but nothing stuck, and every kilogram I lost came back with it's friends. I was depressed for a long time and couldn't deal with myself, so I sought comfort in cheese, pasta and bread. Lots of it. Since then, I have lost 14 Kilograms. I hope the following will encourage you all to keep going strong, or as motivation for what's to come. I'm sure a lot of people are on Day 1 right now.

My journey began June 2019, when my father told me he had type 2 Diabetes. My sister has type 1 and always told me that if I caught type 2 because I wan't watching what I ate, she would crucify me, so that was my call to action. I started using a bicycle to go to work, mostly to save money. After my Vespa got destroyed by a car (I wasn't on it, don't worry!), I had no vehicle and could not afford a new one. I figured summer was here and I may as well get some exercise. I moved 12 kilometers away from the office and started going to work on the bike, starting with going one day, then taking the bus, then coming back the next day. After 2 months of increments, I was finally able to do back and forth every day, but I wasn't losing weight. If anything, I was gaining more of it.

I went to WW for the support system more than the point counting. Weekly meetings really helped me get perspective. I also started making inventory of why I had the things I had in the pantry and fridge. Turns out, mostly I didn't want to throw away vegetables so I wouldn't buy a lot of them. I did some searching and discovered lacto-fermentation. I now always have a steady number of varied vegetables ready to be jarred/already jarred. I also discovered some very nice Indian cuisine dishes which helped integrate beans and chick peas to my diet and remove some of the meat that is always oh so expensive both in calories and $$. At the end of October, when the snow started to fall, I stopped using the bike. Since the WW office is out of the way of the metro, I stopped going. I also stopped counting the points. I'm proud to say that I was able to keep the good habits I had picked up however. My one problem was that I was restless, with my 8 hours of cycling every week gone. I have yet to find a suitable replacement for this. I'm paying for a monthly bus pass now that I can't use the bike, so a gym is a bit out of my range. For now I do body weight exercises in my living room and some stairs in the metro. It's not great but it's something.

Starting the second half of November, I was getting the "November depression" that is common to me and many other Canadians and north US citizen. Not having an outlet like cycling was affecting me as much as the lack of light. I took a decision. I would attempt to maintain my weight until after the holiday and not actively try to lose a pound. At the time, I was at 116 Kg. During the Holiday, I "got lucky" and caught a cold, which meant I couldn't eat or drink as much. That turned out to be a blessing, because it kick-started my weight loss at the prefect time, surrounded by friends and family to support me. I am now at 114.8 Kg. My current goal is 110 by the end of April, long term goal being 105 by the end of the next cycling season.

This whole thing was both the easiest and second hardest thing I've had to do. The only thing I can see was harder was when I stopped smoking a few years ago. Changing everything I thought about food, weighing everything, spending hours in the kitchen, trying new things and throwing away so many failed dishes was difficult, but keeping it up was also the easiest thing, because once you're set up and have an understanding of what you can eat in which quantities, it almost works by itself.

End note - it really helps to have friends and family that support you, understand what you're doing, accept that you have done extensive research and know more than they do about the subject. I see a lot of horror stories on this board about parents or loved ones that don't want accept that they have a toxic mindset. I honestly don't know how that feels and am glad for it. My sister is a nutrition technician and backed me up in the few arguments that inevitably happened with my mother. My family and friends are all educated. It also helps that I live alone, so the only food that enters my home is what I bring in. Just know that I am behind you 100% and wish you the best.

Sorry for the rambling and poor vocabulary, I'm primarily French.

TL;DR: started cycling for money reasons, lost weight for health reasons, took a maintenance break and have not fallen off the weight loss wagon, but am dearly missing the exercise in this snowy winter. It was hard to get started, but also surprisingly easy to keep going when I got used to this new lifestyle.

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How can I kick the fast food habit?

So one of (if not the) biggest barriers to my weight loss has been fast food and takeaways.

When I moved out for university just over a year ago, it was my first time both living in the city and living alone. And with that came the brand new availability of deliverable fast food: Deliveroo, Uber Eats, JustEat –the works.

Takeaway food was one of the biggest factors in my weight gain, and now I’m struggling with the cravings whilst I’m trying to lose. I constantly reach a day or two of home-cooked meals before I get intense cravings for junk - usually a burger or pizza - and it always sets me back and stops me from making any progress beyond losing a couple of pounds.

I’ve started with the gym, and I eat a decent amount of fruit and veg otherwise, but fast food is the one thing I can’t seem to kick. I’d really appreciate any advice on dealing with these cravings.

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