So new year, new me? That’s what they say right? I know it’s pretty cliché since most people’s New Year’s Resolutions are to lose weight, but I’m not here for a fad diet for a quick fix, but rather I want to actually lose weight PROPERLY, to better myself both mentally and physically... and with the start of a new year, this is the best chance at a new start right?
I’m 17. For most my life I have struggled with my weight/body image and felt I could never really accept myself in my body. Coming from an Asian background where looks are pretty much everything didn’t help either. Being told by relatives about how ‘fat’ you look or how much ‘prettier’ you’d be when you ‘lose weight’ isn’t exactly the nicest feeling ever. And of course being the naive teen I was, I would turn to crash diets which of course didn’t work and instead started a vicious cycle of binging/dieting. What didn’t help at all was the same family members poking/making fun of every time I would properly try and get my health on track, wondering when my next diet phase would happen which of course lead me becoming de-motivated and feeling as though I would never be worth anything unless I was skinny.
I’ve tried dieting on and off since I was 14. 3 years later and I’m 190lbs. This is the heaviest I’ve ever been. For someone who is 5’5 and a small bone structure, I can not only SEE the weight gain, but also FEEL it.
I kept wondering to myself WHY couldn’t I succeed in losing weight? WHY did I keep on failing? When finally a couple reasons seemed to hit me:
1) The times I tried to lose weight before wasn’t for me but for other people. Trying to lose weight for the sake of others will never work out. If I want to lose weight, I have to want it for myself.
2) Crash diets don’t work. A quick fix will never lead to a sustainable, healthy weight loss.
3) The weight I had to lose wasn’t just on my body, but on my mind. I didn’t realise but I had a lot of deep rooted anxieties and issues that I hadn’t dealt with and had just repressed, which resulted in me using food as a comfort when I felt alone.
But now that I’ve realised my mistakes and had time to accept my emotions and let myself allow to heal, I want to lose weight for myself. Not just for (obvious) physical health reasons but also for my mental health. I want to be at a position where I practice feeling happy and accept the body that I’m in while also improving it. I want to be able to look in the mirror and LOVE what I see. I’ve wasted a lot of my life already shying away from opportunities/experiences because of my insecurities about my weight and thus, not being able to fully enjoy myself.
I know I’m still young and I have a lot to live for, hence I want to be able to life my life to its absolute fullest! I want to be able to learn how to love myself both physically and mentally. So hopefully sharing my story/experiences with likeminded people will help me in my journey.
Hopefully, in a year’s time I can look back and see the amount of progress I have made :)
So in this new decade, I hope no matter what our goals, we can all learn to love ourselves :)
‘Love Yourself, Love Myself’ — Kim Namjoon
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