Hi. I'd like to preface this by saying I know I'm not "overweight" in any massive way, but all our struggles are relative. I feel so much more content in my skin when I'm slimmer, and I don't want to get any bigger than I am.
I'm trying to lose weight, but I feel so powerless about it. I'm 160cm or 5ft 3. I've gone from 57kg to 64kg, so hovering around a BMI of about 24.5-25, after maintaining well at 57 for 2 years (was originally 74kg in 2010).
Here is a link to my "weight-loss" progress since 2017. The galling thing is that I have the mentality that I'm trying to loose weight ALL THE TIME that I've been gaining it. It's infuriating. I get tricked by the line going down temporarily, but the overall, trend is up.
I'm feeling very stuck, and like there's no way out. Any thoughts on the best way forward would be really appreciated.
- Calorie counting has failed every time for me because I get obsessive and over-restrict, then binge
- I work a full time desk-job and am also doing an MA after work, so my time for exercise is fairly limited (I do run 2-3 times a week and walk 3-5km each weekday) and I'm sitting A LOT and I think this is the main problem
- I struggle massively with self-awareness. I *feel* like I'm always eating really healthy, but evidently there's some disconnect here
- I'm really, really tired of endlessly struggling with my weight
- I'm scared I'm gonna keep getting fatter
- I can't afford any of the local gyms because of Tokyo being a super expensive place to be (I do run outside and have hand weights at home though)
Anyway.... How can I move forward? Should I put all my energy into calorie counting again, or should I focus on not snacking and trying to be more active, like how I lost the weight before? I feel like I'm so lost.
(BACKGROUND: After a lot of badly disordered eating as a teen, I went from 74kg to 57kg from 2010-2015 through not snacking, eating three meals a day and being fairly active. My weight loss has always been quite up and down, but I thought I'd really managed it after maintaining at 57kg for 2 years, and I'd also gone a long way to fixing my mental health and food obsessions.
Anyway, because of being much busier at work and having a more sedentary job, I've gained weight again, but really slowly, over 2 years. And now, this afternoon, I realised that I'm almost back where I started and I can't do up any of my trousers :( I also bought a gorgeous pink jumper yesterday, and now I feel like I can't wear it because I look like a blob. Help)
Thank you and good luck with your journey. xx
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