Back at it

I've been on my weight loss journey since 2015, if you count from when my weight peaked to current. Much of that time though, I have not been actively trying to lose weight. The reasons for not putting in effort range from very legitimate (pregnancy, nursing, obsessing unhealthily, etc.) And some have not (depression, stress, finances, etc.) But somehow, out of all of that, I'm still trending downward.

Five years ago, I stepped on the scale just a week before my wedding day and cried ugly tears at the number. 257.4 lbs. Now, I am a tall woman at 5'11, but there was no good reason for me to hit that number. Today, I'm divorced from the man I married (who brought horrible eating habits and emotional abuse into my life and led to my weight gain in the first place), have our toddler half the time (and am teaching him the difference between a "healthy choice for our bodies" and a "treat"), and stepped on the scale this morning to see another monumental number. 188.6 lbs. That's the lowest I've seen since before I met my ex! I've lost 69 lbs (heheh for all you dirty minds out there).

I had recently taken a break due to stress, both emotional and financial. Life seemed to be spinning out of control, and I know that I tend to latch onto food as being within my control if I push myself to continue losing when everything else goes haywire. I've now got sufficient income to be stable, which is taking the pressure off both financially and emotionally. So, I'm back at it. I don't log my foods due to the control thing mentioned above. I start trying to hit a lower number than the day before, and end up cutting out fruits and veggies even to try to get it lower and lower. I have tracked calories in the past, so sometimes run rough estimates in my head just for a general idea how I'm doing.

It took 5 years, sure, but still. My sister likes to phrase it differently though "don't you mean you've lost 410 lbs? I mean, he was 350 lbs of dead weight you were dragging around."

I've also gained the most amazing little boy, my most amazing friends around the globe, and the ability to see that I deserve to be treated well; I've maintained my sanity and my streak of not engaging in self harm; and I've also given up cigarettes in those five years. So yes, its taken me 5 years to shed nearly 70 lbs. And yes, I've got about 20 more to go (I'm fast approaching my lowest adult weight so I don't know how I'll feel in my body when I reach a healthy weight). Those 20 might take another year. Maybe more. But if I keep in mind the other aspects of my life that I'm gaining, losing, and maintaining; as well as the fact that the time will pass whether I'm losing weight or not, I can be more than okay with the fact that my weight loss journey may be moving slower than some.

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