This has been great. Really. Today I saw a number on the scale that I haven't seen since before I got pregnant with my first kid. I wasn't even stepping on a scale much at that point, so I could have (and probably did) pass that point before I ever got pregnant with #1. And to be fair, I didn't have huge changes to make in my lifestyle. I was putting on 10 pounds a year since I had an injury in college that impacted my mobility. I'm past that now, so I have no excuses. But still 10 pounds a year is the insidious levels of overeating and inactivity. It's not major/massive. I see some people's stories on here who have made crazy lifestyle overhauls and I am in complete awe. And I have wondered how I can continue to not make the changes I need to make when people who I read about all the time have taken control of their bodies in epic ways.
Once you get pregnant, you step on a scale regularly, at the Dr, but bless them for putting it in Kg, so that I could intentionally ignore it and be blissfully ignorant. So I'm not really sure where I was with my weight before I started weight loss. It was over 240.
And depression has been a factor.
I went in for an ADHD diagnosis, which is also a thing, and agreed that I was probably depressed. And my job didn't help anything. Insane levels of stress. Insane productivity pressure and reporting. Started wellbutrin. Started adderall low levels. Wellbutrin stopped.
Before getting pregnant with #2 I had been losing weight and had just hit 207. Then pregnancy, again. And I got a new job. New job=new health insurance provider. And my psychiatrist was no longer in network, not that it mattered since I wasn't gong to take adderall through my pregnancy. And at my new job everyone eats organic and healthy and is super fit. (OK, not everyone, but damn. There's a lot of girls and women in yoga pants, and the pants aren't doing the supporting - you know?) And even though there isn't judgement here (I know there isn't.) You feel the judgement. You're judging yourself. So I started eating salads when I was at work. Or I'd get a package of Romaine lettuce and a package of humus, and dip the lettuce and munch on that all day long while I was at my desk. High protein, satisfying, routine, low cal.
And at the end of my pregnancy, if I'm honest, I probably leveled out at close to 260. But I was really avoiding the scale. Like you do when you hate what you weigh and you hate the way you look.
But I'm still working at healthy eating place. So I'm making substitutions in my diet. And there's a hot bar and salad bar here that sells by the pound. You know what's cheap by the pound? salad greens. Cooked bacon. a sprinkling of cheese. a hard boiled egg. Maybe a small portion of some kind of pasta salad to mix into my greens salad.
I remember getting to 225 and realizing I had lost over 15 pounds, and at that point I started tracking it and stepping on the scale more often.
Between last summer and the holidays, I continued to drop weight, very slowly. I was standing firm at around 214 when we started the holidays. And I was at 214 3 weeks ago.
Then I had my first "Take myself to the doctor because I'm worth getting a checkup even though I'm not pregnant" doctor visit back in early December.
And I'd like to pause here to say that this is a common thread amongst so very many of these stories. We ignore ourselves. Our overeating, our avoiding the scale, our avoiding the mental health issues, so much of our situation is something we put ourselves in as a sort of malicious neglect. We hate ourselves so we treat ourselves badly. Almost intentionally. Yes, the calorie rush is enjoyable. But I think we all know that for many of us there's a self-loathing at work. So please, take that first step onto the scale, and schedule that first Dr's visit. You are worth taking care of. You are worth being healthy. You want your kid and your partner to go to the Dr. and be healthy. And you are not worth any less than them.
Back to the visit. I was talking to my Dr about weight loss and how I want to get fit because being active is fun. I remember being a kid and teenager and climbing trees and running for the sheer exhilaration of it. We talked about my mental health and we're trying wellbutrin again, for the combo of ADHD and depression, higher dose. And y'all, it's helping! We talked about my food substitutions. (At the time I was on a cabbage and beans kick as low cal inclusions in my meals.) And my eating habits, which often involves skipping breakfast and just having a good bit of whole milk in my coffee. And she asked if I could skip breakfast and not put milk in my coffee. And, like you do, like we all do, I had a reason why I couldn't. I need my morning coffee and without the milk, my stomach gets upset.
And y'all, I knew, we all know, she was going to suggest intermittent fasting. And I cut her off at the knees because self-sabotage is something we all love to indulge in. We always have a reason that we can't make the better choice.
But I rolled it around in my head for a few days/weeks. Did some research on intermittent fasting and the benefits and how it works. Got past Christmas and new years. Started the wellbutrin after Christmas. Got kettlebells and have started some strength training. Still no weight loss.
And I got some good sleep. Which is another thing - you are worth a full night's sleep. So many people don't get a full night's sleep. It makes a big difference. Anyway, it's been major Cedar season up in hurr, so breathing at night has been difficult, and between the wellbutrin and the zyrtec and allegra, my mouth was like the sahara dessert and the sleep has been awful. But we somehow got a break in the cedar, and I got like 12 hours' sleep one weekend. Woke up, and decided I didn't need the coffee. No coffee = no milk in the coffee. So I started the intermittent fasting.
I started slow, with no committment, because I wanted it to work and once you break that commitment we all love to just give up. Or I do, anyway. So I said to myself: I'll start with a 14:10. then move on along to a 15:11, and get to a 16:8 eventually. And I said: Also, I'm a Mom, so I'm not going to stick to any hard and fast rules about what my eating hours are. This is going to be a "best effort". If it doesn't work out one day, it doesn't work out, and that's OK.
I gave myself permission to not "win". Like your kids. You want them to try. The trying is the important thing, not the winning. And I just gave myself the same grace that I would give them.
And the first day I did a 14:10. and somehow, 3 or 4 days later, I did an 18:6.
Have I been perfect? Nope. Not even. So Why am I singing the praises of intermittent fasting? Because, y'all, your stomach shrinks! Like right away. You MIGHT go to bed a little hungry. But you don't wake up hungry. You get to 10 or 11 am and have your first meal of the day and everything is normal. It's like so much more normal than you even know. Because even when you go out drinking (which I did one night, for the first time in ever) and wake up hung over and go get a greasy burger and fries for breakfast, you DON'T EAT AS MUCH!
I got TWO greasy burgers and fries to help manage my hangover that morning. Because Habits. I didn't even finish the first burger.
The other night I had ordered pizza for my kids and the babysitter. I grabbed a piece on the way out the door, and I was satisfied. One piece of pizza. This is how skinny people eat!
And then last night I had frozen lasagna with my kids. And some salad with ranch. It was later than I should have been eating and I had a little bit more lasagna than I thought I should. So I was, like we all do, mentally beating myself up for it. But then I checked the lasagna package. I had stayed inside the recommended serving size - even with my second serving. 330 calories of lasagna and a salad with a little ranch. And I was satisfied. In fact I was feeling guilty until I realized that this is a WIN!
And not only that, but unlike keto diets and such, screwing up your hours still is likely to land you solidly inside your CICO goals and not screw you up for a few days or a week. Unlike slowcarb your food choices aren't restricted so you don't need to feel guilty about eating a piece of pizza. Even if you do binge one day, you can still count it as a win if you stay inside your hours. And the impact isn't going to be as bad because your stomach will fill up sooner.
This approach to eating makes it harder for me to be upset at myself or to think of myself as a failure. I can still say "yes, I'm on track. I'm doing a good job. I'm proud of myself."
And also, since I started intermittent fasting about 2.5 weeks ago, I'm down 8 pounds.
TL;DR: Intermittent fasting - shrunk stomach, more food options, less failure, improved attitude, weight loss resumed!
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