Hey everyone! Okay. So. There’s a lot, feel free to see the TL;DR at the bottom.
My HW was 301 and my CW is about 238 (and moving further down every day!). I’m finally undoing the patterns of disordered eating and self-destructive behavior that kept me fat my whole life. I’m still fat, but I’m finally starting to feel good in my own skin and treat myself like someone I love rather than someone I hate. I eat well (most of the time ;P) and go to the gym at least a couple times a week; I bike and walk to class and buy clothes that I feel good in.
So a couple months and thirty pounds ago I tried dating for the first time. I went on a couple dates with a really nice guy and had my first kiss. We made plans for a third date and he was super chill and made it clear we were gonna go slow so I didn’t have to freak about third date expectations. But dating still involves hand holding and hugging and more kissing and cuddling etc. and I freaked the f*** out. I cancelled the date the day before like a tool, citing that I just didn’t feel a connection. Which, in hindsight, was a true excuse at least. I want to do all those things, but I was in tears at the thought of someone touching me. I’ve done hella work on loving my body, but I can’t imagine being vulnerable enough to let someone else judge it worthy or not.
And then I was like, “How could I possibly like someone who would like ME? There must be something wrong with HIM to like me.” And that warred with, “But waiting to date until I lose more weight feels like I’m sending the message that I’m not worthy of love unless I’m X pounds, which is not a healthy thought to nourish.” But also it’s intimidating to work through the issues there when I’m still exerting so much energy made good lifestyle choices.
So I was hoping some of you out there might have gone through something similar and might have some words of wisdom for me.
TL;DR: Increasingly confident after weight loss, but still freaked out about being intimate with anyone. Do I date anyway, resigned to my skin crawling, or wait until weight loss is no longer my first priority?
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2RMfKrm
No comments:
Post a Comment