"If you fail to prepare, prepare to fail." A coach said this last night. Its so true. Meal prepping is pretty well tied to this, but I wanted to talk about preparing for when people "say things". I find that thinking about how to respond when you're NOT in the moment really reduces anxiety and makes it so you have "the right words for YOU" if you are in a situation that could be hard. So, I thought I'd share some words I use and ask others for their successful responses.
I'm going to set a parameter though- I'm going to assume positive intentions of the "sayer". Meaning, that the person saying these things to you is doing them without malice or the specific intent to hurt. Sure, that's not always the case- sometimes people say mean things to be mean. But often times, people will say things out of insecure feelings about themselves or they are genuinely concerned or trying to say something nice even, but it comes out wrong. People can have positive intentions and it still doesn't feel good hearing what or how they say it, so figuring out how to answer that is challenging. So, I'm looking for responses that build positive relationships, not erode them.
Here's some things people have said to me and some responses that seem to have worked- what do you have?
1.) YOU'RE TOO SKINNY!/DON'T GET TOO SKINNY! "I'm OK, don't worry! I'm keeping an eye on my weight and BMI and talk regularly with my doctor and eat healthy food. I feel good. Who do you think will win the super bowl?"
2.) ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO EAT THAT?/IS THAT ON YOUR DIET? "There is always room for some goodies in a generally healthy diet. This is delicious!"
3.) I MADE/BOUGHT THIS FOOD FOR YOU AND YOU DON'T WANT IT? (I usually have a tiny bit and then...) "Its delicious! I just don't think I can eat it all at once. Can I save some for later?" (then, freeze it for little bits in the future, share it at work, or even toss it later).
4.) I CAN NEVER LOSE WEIGHT (BECAUSE XYZ). "Its certainly not easy. People are different." If this goes further and they keep at this line, I will either share how I did it if they actually want to know, or I have even said to people I care about "My weight loss isn't a statement or judgement of you. You be who you are, walk your walk and be proud. And I'll do the same, OK?"
5.) LOOK AT THIS PICTURE OF YOU FROM 2 YEARS AGO! YOU LOOK AMAZING NOW! (or some variety of the statement that hints I should be embarrassed about myself of before). "I was amazing then too, just in a different shape body!" (with a smile and a wink)
6.) WHAT IF YOU GAIN IT ALL BACK? LOTS OF PEOPLE DO YOU KNOW. "I don't think I will- I've learned a lot about myself. But if I do, then I will still be me! Life is a crazy journey, isn't it?"
7.) DON'T YOU MISS DONUTS (or whatever)? "Yes. But I make room for them sometimes. And I like how I feel now better than I like donuts, so its a fair trade in my book."
8.) OMG! LOOK AT YOU! YOU LOOK FANTASTIC! LOOK AT HER! BLAH, BLAH, BLAH! "Thanks".
9.) I/MYAUNT/SISTER/BROTHER/COUSIN/FATHER/SECONDCOUSINTWICEREMOVED LOVES KETO/PALEO/OPTIVA/PLANTBASED/WW.... WHAT ABOUT YOU? "I'm glad that worked for you/them. For me, I needed ______. There are lots of ways to eat. The trick is for it to be sustainable and healthy."
10.) YOUR HUSBAND MUST BE EXCITED. (OK, personally- this one I have gotten a handful of times and this one, I think, is the rudest, most intrusive, personal and just weird, but... Yeah. Said with positive intentions from people I care about, so deep breaths). "He's always told me I'm beautiful and he's happy I'm healthy."
What things have people said that threw you off? What words can you answer with for people who are trying to say something helpful or something they think is nice and even if they don't feel good for your ears, you're not looking to respond with snark or biting back?
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