F, 23, 166 lbs.
Highest I’ve been since I was a teenager.
I’ve dealt with binge eating disorder since I was a kid. A stressful home life I can attribute that to. I lost a lot of weight when I was 15 or so, in a healthy way. Less calories, more exercise. When I turned 19, suddenly my weight wasn’t okay with me anymore. I’ve always wanted to be stick thin, but I know I’m not built to look that way. Bulimia soon became a known a friend.
I now suffer with extreme body image issues. I can’t eat anything unless it’s considered “good” food without feeling overwhelmingly guilty and disgusted with myself. I’ve had a lot of life changes recently and it’s made me completely derail. I’m bingeing consistently almost every day. I normally love going to the gym, but now I can’t even step foot in it because of how self conscious I feel about my body. I know what I’m doing, but because I’m heavier now, I feel as though people will judge me for going back to lifting weights instead of sticking to a treadmill.
My diet is completely out of control, and I’m not in a situation where I can just not have certain foods in the house. Kids are involved. The pantry is stock full of fun food, and I literally don’t have enough self control to tell myself “no”, most days. I just feel stuck. I don’t know how to fix this. I’m sick of feeling like I want to die every time I see myself in the mirror. I tired of hating myself. I’m tired of crying. I just need help.
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