Saturday, May 30, 2020

putting my health first!

tw — calorie counting | undereating

i started my weight loss journey in mid april of this year. i ate healthier and started working out consistently. although slow, i was seeing results and lost 8lbs in a month (i had gained 15lb prior during the first month of quarantine). a few weeks ago, my friends also decided to eat healthier and workout, but they were counting calories and posting them in our group chat. i used to suffer from disordered eating so this made me uncomfortable, but i decided to track my calories secretly just to see if it would help me with weight loss. the first week, i found myself eating only around 1100-1200 calories, while also working out around 100-350 calories a day. this took a huge toll on my health because i started obsessing over what i was going to eat, how much i was going to eat, and exercising it off. i knew this triggered my unhealthy eating habits again and so today I decided to quit counting calories to help my mental and physical health! today is also my first complete rest day from exercising (which i haven’t had in like an entire month). it was very hard decision, but i am glad i was picking up my unhealthy patterns quickly and doing my best to put a stop to them. if i was able to lose 8lbs my first month without tracking, then surely i can do it again while eating enough for the weeks and months to come. i just wanted to post this as a reminder to myself and to just be proud for myself as well :)

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Learning to be a small(er) person

Current Stats: 5’2” 198 lbs

Highest: ~240 lbs (over three years ago)

Lowest: 175 lbs (about six months ago)

One of the things I knew when I restarted was I can’t eat like my husband. I struggle with learning what a plate should look like, even when I measure, because I’ve been over eating for my size for so long. CICO helps a lot but I’m still hungry when I’m in my 1200-1400 range to burn fat, not because I haven’t had enough to eat but because my body and brain like to throw a fit about wanting more, more, more. Like many of us, I’ve been overweight to obese since I was a teenager, so I struggle with hunger signals. I became a (mostly) whole food, plant based vegan two years ago and that has helped my health tremendously but as we all know, actual weight loss is all about CICO.

Short people who have been successful (or are on your way to success): how did you learn to embrace portions that are appropriate for your size? How have you accepted yourself and the fact that you shouldn’t be eating like a large adult but more like a small teenager or child? How has your understanding about your height and physical size changed as you’ve been on this journey?

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My BMI is no longer obese!

For a little background, I am 25f and 5'5". I've never been naturally thin, but I used to perceive my more muscular and therefore heavier stature as being fat compared to my teeny tiny friends who could fit into size 4 jeans and probably weighed no more than 120lbs (big time body dysmorphia issues in childhood stemming from my time as a cheerleader, but I won't get into that).

At the beginning of college, I weighed about 150lbs and looking back - I looked great. But I decided to say screw it and eat and drink myself into the ground during the first year of college and gained 55lbs. My clothes were tight, I felt physically sick often and I experienced the most awful thing where people speculated that I was pregnant when really I was just fat.

For the next 6-7ish years I thought there was no hope and I was just so unhappy with myself (still working on that). I paid for weight watchers multiple times, trying and mostly failing. I lost and kept off about 20lbs from weight watchers, but I was always ravenously hungry on it and never lost more than that.

I decided that this year was it.. I was going to lose the weight. I want to have children before I'm 30 hopefully and I sure as hell do not want to go into pregnancy at such a high BMI. My boyfriend is supportive and loves me the way I am, but wants me to be happy. I turned 25 in April and realized I hadn't really made any progress towards my goals. I went to my GP for a physical and discussed my weight loss goals. My cholesterol and triglycerides were high and she agreed that weight loss would be beneficial for my health, especially since my family has a history of heart disease. She recommended CICO and gave me a prescription to help me control my cravings and prevent me from bingeing. On May 1 I started seriously tracking calories (I eat ~1200-1500 cals depending on my activity level for the day), making sure to get a minimum of 8k steps in a day (I've been sedentary for a long time and have congenital hip dysplasia so that's big for me), and I've been practicing yoga about 5 days/week. Today is May 30 and I have gone from 186lbs to 179.2lbs in this month. I haven't been under 180lbs in a long time and I know I'm not out of the woods, but this is huge for me. My BMI is officially just "overweight" and not "obese". Teenage me wouldn't believe I could ever be happy being classified clinically as overweight. My goal is 145lbs and I now know I can do it. I want it so bad and I will continue to put in the work.

Sorry if this was all over the place, but I wanted to share my story. To anyone else who feels like they've tried and tried to no avail - I know you can do it too.

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Simple vs complex

I was wondering. I know the old adage: move more eat less. Well I'm seeing so many complex workout routines and eating plans. I like a really simple routine. Is it possible to get good results from just doing some cardio and weight lifting or a few body weight exercises throughout the week? I don't like following reps and sets. Could I just go for a bike ride for thirty minutes 3-5X a week, plus some strength training exercises for another half hour 3-5X a week, and eat generally healthy and portion controlled? I feel like there are so many steps to take and rules to follow. And a lot of people are really good with following plans. I can follow a plan myself. It's just that I would prefer to follow something relatively easy and simple without five sets of twenty reps for ten or fifteen different exercises on X number of days. Will I still be successful in my fitness and weight loss journey if I take a very minimalistic approach to health and nutrition? I know it's all down to math (calories in vs. calories out) and science (how the body runs and operates internally). For some background, I am female. 31. 4'11, and I weigh between 112-115. My goal is to get down to 100 or 90 ultimately, since I am petite. But even disregarding the number on the scale, I'd like to just be all around more toned and slim.

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The answer might be...dessert!

Hi, I am 10 lbs down into my weight loss journey. (Tier 1 goal = 22.5lbs = 10% of my body weight.)

I find that I do pretty good with my step counts, some days going over. And I do pretty good with my calorie counts all day ... until i am watching TV at night and i get "snacky". Then it all falls to crap and i can find any excuse to have a treat.

Heres something that i found helps. After my evening meal, have dessert. Not a huge chunk of cheesecake or something big, but a small sweet within calorie allowance; a cookie, a pudding cup, a few squares of a chocolate bar. It signals to my body that it's done eating and feel satisfied. Then I am able to resist the urge to snack before bed.

Just thought I would share. It might work for you, too.

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The most important part of your weight loss journey is not losing weight

When I think about weight loss, I think about the grueling diet (CICO, Keto, Paleo, IF, ...) as the journey itself. But that's really only the first of three phases. It's not overly intuitive; you have 30lbs, 50lbs, 100lbs, 150lbs to lose, so you focus hard on that number to the exclusion of everything else. You drive to that number over weeks, months, even years. It borders on an obsession because there's nothing more personal, and it's your journey to own. We dream about what it will be like to end the journey and adjust our choices throughout the weeks and months; we change our IF hours, adjust our protein intake, reduce our calorie intake to match our changing BMR, incorporate exercise, etc.

But often, our failure in this weight loss journey isn't the weight loss phase. Once you get into a groove after the first one, two, three, N months, losing a pound or two a week becomes commonplace and feels almost boring. And we become complacent. Getting to that magical goal of a healthy weight sits at the back of our mind, and we forget the next two phases. Tapering off and maintaining.

Long before we reach a healthy weight, we should be planning how to taper back to a comfortable maintenance diet and how to maintain that CICO ratio. For a lot of us, this will be a lifelong commitment; a commitment to weighing ourselves, assessing our diets, recognizing when we begin to exercise less, when the scale changes, when stress from a job or a relationship affects us. And the best way to succeed when we face this adversity is to have a plan. As silly as it sounds, maintaining weight loss is as much an amazing achievement as it is a serious responsibility.

Tapering off from your weight loss program to a maintenance program is your training-wheels to this new lifestyle. Adding calories to your diet feels uncomfortable, strange, and almost wrong after you've been so strict for weeks, months, or years. But doing this healthfully, recognizing the psychological walls and discomfort, and talking to the right kind of people (i.e. therapist, weight loss group, chefs, etc) will help manage this transition. And I think this is the most important part of your journey, building the right foundation for your future, transitioning to a stable maintenance program.

I'm 50lbs down so far and in the "boring" part of the week-to-week. If anyone has any suggestions for ways to manage the boredom, I'm all ears; I'm currently trying to build a list of short-term goals to keep the rolling achievements coming. Recognize when I go down a belt loop, have a few pairs of jeans that are 1-5" waists smaller than I feel comfortable in, track my BMI, track my weight, build trend lines off my month-to-month weigh-ins, etc.

I think I wrote this out more for myself, to chew on my own thoughts. I needed to understand where I failed last time, where my next mistake will be in this journey, and what I need to do to ensure my success when I reach my goal. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to reflect and share.

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I have lost 35 pounds in the last 6 months. I don’t look like it. I’m kind of sad even though I didn’t go into this journey for cosmetic reasons.

Last night before bed I was 149.8 pounds. Officially below the 150 mark, and about 5 pounds away from my “goal” weight.

But honestly, nobody can tell. And it’s not that it was so gradual no one noticed- even people that (due to corona) haven’t seen me since the weight loss really took off (I would say 30 of those 35 have been since mid March) were shocked that I was ever as heavy as I was.

I can tell in the ways my clothes fit that I’ve lost a lot of weight but a simple visual observation doesn’t show a drastic difference. But I was 185 pounds and 5’3”. That’s OBESE, and no one believed me when I started declining seconds and such that I was that far overweight. And now I’m only 5 pounds away from what my doctor said was a healthy weight for me, and the main reason for the weight loss has been achieved and I am no longer pre diabetic. Because honestly, while I did this because my health was a mess because I was overweight, I haven’t had any face gains, no dramatic before/after shots, and even though they fit differently, I didn’t even need to buy new clothes. And I still just look slightly chubby.

I am grateful I can keep my cute wardrobe, I am grateful my health has drastically improved, but I am a little sad I am not getting the recognition that “hey, you look like you’ve lost weight!”

I guess I’m posting here for a little discussion about celebrating milestones when everyone else around you doesn’t even see there was an accomplishment to begin with. I’ve been doing very simple CICO and I don’t exercise much. I just kinda eat when I’m hungry, am mindful of portion sizes, and don’t force myself to finish when I order out. I think cutting back on restaurant sized portions was a huge part of why this weight loss has felt so achievable to me. But it also makes it feel like even less of an accomplishment because I didn’t get extremely strict with my diet, I didn’t even exercise, I didn’t follow any meal plans, and nobody notices the weight loss, so it’s all just so intangible.

Side note: I have worked with a therapist to ensure this weight loss didn’t just cause me to develop a different sort of disordered eating (I have been anorexic before my obsession with food turned to bingeing) and this very casual method is the only thing that works for me before bringing up disordered thoughts and actions. I know that the very fact that I managed to lose so much weight by just asking myself “are you sure?” before I ate that cupcake or got a second helping is, considering my weight has previously swung from 85 to 185 pounds, an accomplishment in and of itself and my only advice to everyone else on a weight loss journey is don’t underestimate the help of a therapist to work through your food issues. Whether you use CICO or keto or IF, a nutritionist, a doctor, and a therapist should all be on your weight loss team if you have the privilege of good health insurance. But out of the three I would rank the therapist as the most important.

Editing to add: I should mention I never disliked my physique. Honestly, I was one of those lucky women who didn’t notice the fat because it all went to “sexy” areas, and thick thighs and fat asses are “in” right now. I still very much have that hour glass figure. It’s not an issue where I feel like I was/am ugly and want to change. It’s more of... I wish there was external validation that this was hard and people would oooh and aaaah over me the way I see people do over other peoples weight loss.

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