Where to begin and how to deal with being uncomfortable in your own skin?

How do you deal with that overwhelming feeling of not wanting to be in your own skin? I’ve been on and off the weight loss train for the past year and I just can’t seem to shake that feeling. For example, I’ll go to the gym really late at night because I hate being around people while I’m this size and feel this way about myself. But then even though I’m there with only a handful of people I still get self conscious and end up just using the treadmill instead of actually lifting weights like I want to.

I hate being looked at. When I go in for my shifts at the coffee shop I work at, my jeans fit tight and my shirts hug my stomach. It’s all I can focus on and I try desperately all day to make sure I don’t bend over the wrong way so that my fat doesn’t mush together. If I could wear a hoodie everyday I would. I’m embarrassed of myself. I really really am. I’m so ashamed, that I’ve developed this overwhelming fear of other people thinking about and judging me.

I want to make changes in my life, but I get home from work after spending all day worrying about what people think about me and I’m just so mentally exhausted. Then I turn to food to cope. I have no portion control whatsoever. I tell my girlfriend not to buy me things at the grocery store because I’ll just eat it all in one sitting, but she buys stuff anyways because she loves me. And I love her too, but I know myself and I know my self control is little to none. Obviously that isn’t her fault. I can do really well tracking everything all day and be exactly where I need to be calorie wise. Then I get home and I get comfortable and it all goes out the window.

Im ranting now. But I’m just kind of typing this out to visualize my thoughts and ask for any advice out there from people who think like me, that have gotten through their journey and come out the other side. Life isn’t bad, life is really good actually. But man I just want to beat this demon that is weight loss so I can finally feel like myself.

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I've ditched almost all my other hobbies and taken up weight loss

Posting this to see if something here might help someone else.

I didn't do this consciously, it just occured to me the other day that it had happened. I have doubled down on my weight loss efforts this year and I am starting to see results. One reason I think it is going well this time is that I am not trying to do it alongside other things. My previous attempts have always had to compete with hobbies and "life". On reflection, that makes no sense, if I am going for weight loss, I need to go for it fully.

I am (was) renovating a house. That is on pause while we wait for finance to come through, so I am not spending my evenings and weekends covered in dust.

I enjoy woodturning and forging, both of those have stopped because it's too cold in the workshop, again no dust and more free time.

I trained jiu jitsu in the distant past, obviously that is on pause due to covid. It was great exercise but it left me sore for days and unable to do any other training. On balance, it may not have been entirely positive for weight loss.

If you are struggling with your journey, maybe have a look at what is competing for your time and energy and pause those things if you can? There is no harm in saying "I can't do everything at once and right now my health is the most important"...double down, get it done and go back to the other stuff after.

Hope this helps someone.

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My "Lent" Challenge. Maybe someone will join me!

Hi all. I'm more of a lurker on this sub than talker, but find it highly inspiring. I have struggled for the past 2 years with some severe PTSD/depression and it has led to some physical issues and poor health along with more weight gain than I'd like to admit to. I was battling a bit of extra weight at that time, and began hating how I look and feel. My health is at an almost all-time low right now but I've started getting into a better place, and want to start making some good changes.

I recently realized that my BMI is just into the officially "obese" range (BMI of 32). And this really bothers me. I've never been this heavy. I think about all of the weight I ultimately want to lose, and it seems so daunting. I know it's not as much as some people, but I'm a very short 5'1 female and for me the around 45-55lbs is a good bit. So, decided to go with the 'small goals' method.

I decided that Lent started on Wednsday, and I'm going to challenge myself to "give up" as much bad food as I can for the duration. I made a big food list of healthy things, based off of an elimination-style diet, that I can choose from every day to make my meals. I'm also going to try to walk, even a short distance, daily. (My knees hurt very badly right now with the extra weight especially; I have an anatomical problem with my knees that has led to arthritis. Plus, it's quite cold where I live right now but I figure, put on a coat and 15 or 20 minutes won't kill me). I know that the more weight I get off of my knees, the easier activity will be for me and it will help the pain.

My goal is to officially get myself out of the "obese" BMI category. I technically need to lose around 15lbs to do that. Since it's been so hard for me to lose weight this feels like a big amount, even though I know in the long run it's not unattainable. (My ultimate goal is to lose around 40-50lbs and have a clean, healthy diet.)

If anyone wants to use this 40 days and 40 nights to jumpstart some weight loss, clean up your diet, or make some other healthy change, I'd be happy for you to join me in this endeavor. 40 days isn't super-long as far as time, but it's long enough to break bad habits and form new good ones!!!! We can use this thread to touch base and keep updates going. I will post an Edit with my final result on April 3 as well.

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Thanks for reading and any advice or tips you have I'd love to hear them!!!

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Day 1? Starting your weight loss journey on Friday, 19 February 2021? Start here!

Today is your Day 1?

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Welcome to r/Loseit!

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So you aren’t sure of how to start? Don’t worry! “How do I get started?” is our most asked question. r/Loseit has helped our users lose over 1,000,000 recorded pounds and these are the steps that we’ve found most useful for getting started.

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Why you’re overweight

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Our bodies are amazing (yes, yours too!). In order to survive before supermarkets, we had to be able to store energy to get us through lean times, we store this energy as adipose fat tissue. If you put more energy into your body than it needs, it stores it, for (potential) later use. When you put in less than it needs, it uses the stored energy. The more energy you have stored, the more overweight you are. The trick is to get your body to use the stored energy, which can only be done if you give it less energy than it needs, consistently.

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Before You Start

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The very first step is calculating your calorie needs. You can do that HERE. This will give you an approximation of your calorie needs for the day. The next step is to figure how quickly you want to lose the fat. One pound of fat is equal to 3500 calories. So to lose 1 pound of fat per week you will need to consume 500 calories less than your TDEE (daily calorie needs from the link above). 750 calories less will result in 1.5 pounds and 1000 calories is an aggressive 2 pounds per week.

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Tracking

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Here is where it begins to resemble work. The most efficient way to lose the weight you desire is to track your calorie intake. This has gotten much simpler over the years and today it can be done right from your smartphone or computer. r/loseit recommends an app like MyFitnessPal, Loseit! (unaffiliated), or Cronometer. Create an account and be honest with it about your current stats, activities, and goals. This is your tracker and no one else needs to see it so don’t cheat the numbers. You’ll find large user created databases that make logging and tracking your food and drinks easy with just the tap of the screen or the push of a button. We also highly recommend the use of a digital kitchen scale for accuracy. Knowing how much of what you're eating is more important than what you're eating. Why? This may explain it.

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Creating Your Deficit

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How do you create a deficit? This is up to you. r/loseit has a few recommendations but ultimately that decision is yours. There is no perfect diet for everyone. There is a perfect diet for you and you can create it. You can eat less of exactly what you eat now. If you like pizza you can have pizza. Have 2 slices instead of 4. You can try lower calorie replacements for calorie dense foods. Some of the communities favorites are cauliflower rice, zucchini noodles, spaghetti squash in place of their more calorie rich cousins. If it appeals to you an entire dietary change like Keto, Paleo, Vegetarian.

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The most important thing to remember is that this selection of foods works for you. Sustainability is the key to long term weight management success. If you hate what you’re eating you won’t stick to it.

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Exercise

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Is NOT mandatory. You can lose fat and create a deficit through diet alone. There is no requirement of exercise to lose weight.

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It has it’s own benefits though. You will burn extra calories. Exercise is shown to be beneficial to mental health and creates an endorphin rush as well. It makes people feel *awesome* and has been linked to higher rates of long term success when physical activity is included in lifestyle changes.

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Crawl, Walk, Run

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It can seem like one needs to make a 180 degree course correction to find success. That isn’t necessarily true. Many of our users find that creating small initial changes that build a foundation allows them to progress forward in even, sustained, increments.

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Acceptance

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You will struggle. We have all struggled. This is natural. There is no tip or trick to get through this though. We encourage you to recognize why you are struggling and forgive yourself for whatever reason that may be. If you overindulged at your last meal that is ok. You can resolve to make the next meal better.

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Do not let the pursuit of perfect get in the way of progress. We don’t need perfect. We just want better.

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Additional resources

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Now you’re ready to do this. Here are more details, that may help you refine your plan.

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• Quick Start Guide - Build your foundation!

* Lose It Compendium - Frame it out!

* FAQ - Answers to our most Frequently Asked Questions!

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First change I made

Hi I’m 18, female, 5’5, and weigh 260. In the beginning of 2020 I was a junior going to school. I weighed about 230-240 when I was going to school. My mental health took a plunge during February to the point where I was basically having a panic attack daily. My parents were understanding and let me switch to online school. However this meant I would be graduating that year instead of the next. My weight unfortunately went up around 20 pounds since I wasn’t walking as much as I did (I always took the longest way to get to class). I’m self conscious about my self in many ways just because of my weight and have been for years now. It has made me feel like I can’t be myself. I’m not even comfortable enough to let any of my friends hug me or anything because I’m scared of them being able to feel how fat I am.

If I was making this post last year this would be end of it and I probably wouldn’t have made much of a change. However for some reason something in my brain clicked recently. To lose weight I need to stick with the changes I make. I don’t have to have an all or nothing approach towards weight loss. I need to have realistic expectations because I’m not gonna just be the weight I want to be in a couple of months. My whole mindset is not gonna change overnight either. The first change I made was yesterday. One of my favorite meals is tacos. In the past whenever we would have tacos I would eat 10 or more until I was up sick in the middle of the night. When I get my first plate I always get three. Yesterday I never got another plate of tacos. I didn’t even finish the three I had. I actually felt really proud of myself because of it and I still do. Today I had leftover tacos but I still didn’t binge on them like I usually do. It might seem like a small change but it’s a change I don’t feel upset about doing. When I tried to lose weight in the past I’d always feel upset and aggravated about the changes I was making. This time I actually feel proud of myself and it’s just the beginning of my weight loss.

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What questions to ask my doc

Hey! So I'm having a doctor's appointment in about an hour (virtual). I wanted to discuss my weight and any concerns I need to have. Primarily I wanted to ask about being tested for prediabetes and thyroid issues.

Pre pregnancy I was 140/150 lbs. While pregnant I got up to about 220 lbs. baby was born 2 years ago. After having my baby I went up to 290 lbs and now I've managed to get back down to the 260's.

I sweat alot, I'm tired all the time. I was severely anemic during my pregnancy so I'm not sure if I'm still low on iron or if these are due to my weight, maybe both.

I was wondering what kinds of questions I should ask my doctor about weight loss, tests I should request and anything else that would be of value on my mission to lose this weight.

Also what about a dietician? Is that something I should request a referral to? What exactly would they help me with? I want to make sure I cover all my bases. Most doctors here don't go out of their way to help so you have to ask for specific things.

Any help appreciated!

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Set Your Environment Up Right and Move Because It Feels Good

I've tried losing weight in the past, and the last time I really was losing it was back in 2019. I was walking every day for at least 30 minutes during my work lunch, and I ended up moving a lot more after I got home as well. But that changed after moving and getting out of my lunch walk routine. Then, as I was starting to get back into it a little bit, COVID hit and I started working from home. I've actually found it's significantly harder to get out and move when you stay home all day, mostly because I'm in PJ's and no shoes. Not to mention I like my house and want to stay in it whereas I did not like my office and wanted to get out.

However, I've started moving a good deal more recently, and while the weight isn't flying off (yet, I still need to work out some kinks in the diet), I'm almost moving as much as I was back in 2019. And I've been able to narrow it down to three reasons.

***Reason Number 1***: I keep my socks in my desk drawer. I know this sounds kind of stupid, but having my socks in my drawer instead of in my bedroom makes it easier to put them on during the day, since I usually roll out of bed and go straight to work before I've even think of putting on shoes. And I've found that once the socks are on, shoes of some sort (muck boots, tennis shoes, etc.) just tend to end up on my feet at some point during the day, making stepping outside that much easier.

***Reason Number 2***: I'm a lot more patient about weight loss. I keep reminding myself that I didn't gain all of this weight in a year, so I shouldn't be upset if I can't lose it all in three months. Instead, I'm focusing on building the small habits that not only get me to where I want to be, but will also help me stay there.

***Reason Number 3***: I move because I want to. This is one of the biggest things for me that I'm super excited about. In the past I've tried planning out exercise, setting a walking schedule, mini/atomic habits of doing one pushup and hoping it turns into more, going all out and pushing myself, etc. You name it, I've probably tried it. And while those types of things certainly work for others, they never seemed to work for me. I never stick to schedules, going all out leaves me tired and sore and unhappy more than anything, and the mini habit strategy leaves me feeling like I'm getting absolutely nowhere (not saying it doesn't have its place, but that place doesn't seem to be in my weight loss strategy).

What I've found recently, though, is that while I hate running when I don't want to run, I do love running when I do want to run. So I've started letting myself run when I feel like it, and accepting that I won't run when I don't. And it's been working.

Currently, I don't run every day. But I have been running at least once a week, and often two to three times a week. And I don't run long distances, but I've been running anywhere between 1/3 and 1/2 of a mile until I feel like stopping (which is an achievement for an obese person like me). I've found that this keeps me wanting to go back the next time, and usually the only reason I don't end up going running in a given day is because work and life take over, I'm too tired, or the weather is rough. But even then, because I'm actually enjoying running, I've already eagerly gone out a couple times when old me would have been trying to think of an excuse to stay in. Basically, I've stopped looking at running as a habit I want to build and more as a hobby I enjoy doing when I can.

I've also started walking more, and that's because I only let myself listen to audiobooks while I'm out walking.

With all this movement, I look forward to posting some kick-butt before and after photos here in a year or two (or three, who's rushing?).

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