How do you deal with that overwhelming feeling of not wanting to be in your own skin? I’ve been on and off the weight loss train for the past year and I just can’t seem to shake that feeling. For example, I’ll go to the gym really late at night because I hate being around people while I’m this size and feel this way about myself. But then even though I’m there with only a handful of people I still get self conscious and end up just using the treadmill instead of actually lifting weights like I want to.
I hate being looked at. When I go in for my shifts at the coffee shop I work at, my jeans fit tight and my shirts hug my stomach. It’s all I can focus on and I try desperately all day to make sure I don’t bend over the wrong way so that my fat doesn’t mush together. If I could wear a hoodie everyday I would. I’m embarrassed of myself. I really really am. I’m so ashamed, that I’ve developed this overwhelming fear of other people thinking about and judging me.
I want to make changes in my life, but I get home from work after spending all day worrying about what people think about me and I’m just so mentally exhausted. Then I turn to food to cope. I have no portion control whatsoever. I tell my girlfriend not to buy me things at the grocery store because I’ll just eat it all in one sitting, but she buys stuff anyways because she loves me. And I love her too, but I know myself and I know my self control is little to none. Obviously that isn’t her fault. I can do really well tracking everything all day and be exactly where I need to be calorie wise. Then I get home and I get comfortable and it all goes out the window.
Im ranting now. But I’m just kind of typing this out to visualize my thoughts and ask for any advice out there from people who think like me, that have gotten through their journey and come out the other side. Life isn’t bad, life is really good actually. But man I just want to beat this demon that is weight loss so I can finally feel like myself.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/37u9ZHl
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