I just want to shout from the rooftops. I've still got about 15lbs to go before I hit my goal, but I am ecstatic about my progress. This has been a longer journey than I anticipated when I started around New Year's of last year. Based on my current track record, I should be hitting goal sometime in May, which will mean it will have taken me nearly a year and a half to lose 65lbs. With my first serious weight loss journey, it took me the same amount of time to lose 90lbs. Sometimes I bemoan that fact but honestly, this time around has been so much better.
You see, my last weight loss journey was ultimately for a guy. I mean, it was for me, too, and I was happy about getting to weights I'd only dreamed of and being able to move and chase my niece around the house without getting out of breath and wearing clothes that I'd only dreamed of wearing. But, I didn't get the guy I wanted at the time. And the truth is, with that first weight loss journey, I thought I had my life in the bag. My problems were solved -- I was thin! I could wear whatever I wanted! People liked me now without me having to try so hard! It felt great.
But the thing is, I had a lot of mental issues that I simply ignored while I was losing weight the first time, and by the end of the next year, despite being with a new guy and being happily in love, I still felt like something was missing and I fell into a deep depression that lasted really...up until I decided to lose weight this time. You see, the thing I was missing was me. Like I said, I spent all my time chasing a guy and trying to be whatever I thought other people wanted me to be, but I never once stopped to think about what I really wanted.
This time, my weight loss was about me. I wanted to overcome my mental issues that had caused a lot of stress and strain in my current relationship. I wanted to stop feeling sorry for myself. I wanted to stop being disgusted with the person I saw in the mirror. I wanted to stop trying so hard to be liked and accepted by other people because I've spent my whole life wanting other people to accept me, but not wanting to accept myself. And this time, the only people around to see my journey were my SO and my coworkers (bc pandemic kinda put a damper on seeing other people), so it really has been for me, because there's no one else to see it. This time I've been forced to face myself. And honestly, I'm really glad I did.
This weight loss taught me so much about myself and while I am still very much a work in progress, the progress that I've made thus far is tremendous from where I've been for the past 5 years. Having a slower weight loss has given me time to adjust, pause, and reflect on myself and why I'm doing this. I'm doing things for myself now that I haven't done for the longest time because I was too embarrassed or ashamed of myself for doing it. Its so great to not have that feeling anymore.
So, here's a pat to myself on the back. I celebrated today by wearing my favorite outfit. I'm turning 31 next Tuesday, and we're going to a fancy restaurant for my birthday, and I'm gonna rock a dress I haven't been able to wear in years. My life is good right now, and it's because I'm finally starting to appreciate it. I'm finally realizing what it's like to actually feel like myself, and it's great. So, thank you, past me, for deciding to go on this journey. Present me truly, truly appreciates it. ❤
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