28, male, 220lbs, 5’10”. My lowest was 160lbs back in high school.
To be frank, my life has felt dominated by diet and weight loss for as long as I can remember. My late step father was obese, and much of my childhood was watching him yo yo until his passing (330 - 210 - 305 in 2-3 years). Personally, I can’t remember a time I ever felt “skinny.” There’s always been something there, and it’s generally shown itself in a struggle to ever feel comfortable in my own body. Clothes have always seemed too short and I’ve always struggled physically.
On the physical end of things, it’s been much the same. Growing up I was always the slowest or weakest, and often the last picked for any team. I instead turned to more sedentary activities where I was more likely to succeed. As I got older I tried to adjust this, and joined the military. Basic Training was almost a flop, with an intensive physical program being required for me to actually pass. Afterward the entirety of my enlistment was spent dreading PT tests until that and mental health struggles eventually led to an honorable discharge.
It’s now been ~7yrs since and I’m happy to say I’ve changed in a lot of ways. My mental health is better and I have a wonderful fiancee. I have worked quite hard to identify my personal strengths, and I generally try to be better about accepting that not everything happens right away. Weight still remains a problem though.
2yrs into the pandemic and I’m now at my heaviest. Over the last 4yrs, I’ve tried intermittent fasting, rapid diet changes, gym trips, runs - you name it. I even injured my ankle at one point.
The fact of the matter is - I’m done. I don’t want to feel like the wet blanket that never wants to go to the beach. I don’t want to copy my stepfather who could never play catch with me (though was wonderful in many other ways). I don’t want to dread photos and most of all, I want to feel like the real person I am underneath all the fat come my wedding day.
/r/loseit, I’ve read the compendium and the FAQ. What other advice do you have for someone in my situation? I’m all ears and recognize I have a problem to solve. I don’t want anything or expect to make a change overnight, but I don’t want to ever again look back and go, “what did I do with all that time?”
A few one off struggles: - headaches. Whenever I try and make dietary changes, I seem to be plagued with intense headaches. - Veggies. I’m slowly getting slightly better at this, but veggies used to literally make me vomit as a child. I don’t pretend this isn’t in my head, and I want to change it. The wife is a chef and I’ve been fortunate enough to go to some amazing restaurants that have shown me just how silly my opinions are here. - Shakiness. Every so often I get intense shakes, most frequently between meal breaks but sometimes spontaneously enough that I can’t chalk up why. These are my biggest binge periods, where I gorge until the shakes go away and I feel normal again. - I dont really feel “hungry” or “thirsty” anymore. More often than not I gauge when to eat by my mood. My parents would always say I was cranky because I was hungry or needed to nap, and that still isn’t changed.
Thank you all for reading. Some level of this was a cathartic rant, but I truly appreciate any and all feedback. I’m tired of starting and stopping, and I want to finally be the person I deserve to be.
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