I’m on this subreddit a lot, but this is a throwaway out of respect of my friend’s privacy.
I have known R for 13 years, but we never really got close until about a year ago. I started losing weight last November, but I never talked about it much with her, or with anyone, for that matter. I just wasn’t comfortable enough yet to talk about it enough that people would know, I was afraid I would jinx myself or something. However, now that I have lost a little over 40lbs, I have a lot more confidence and I am not afraid to talk about my weight loss and whatever healthy (literal or nonliteral) steps I take to achieve that. In fact, I probably talk about it too much–but with R I think it’s different. I don’t think she’s just annoyed, I think she’s beginning to resent me.
R and I have a mutual friend whom we visit often. During these visits, there are a lot of unhealthy food options, but this mutual friend often keeps fruit around for me (because she’s a sweetheart)--though sometimes I do indulge in some unhealthy food. If I talk about only eating a little bit of food, NO MATTER WHAT, R snaps at me and says I have an eating disorder. When I try to explain to her that I don't have one, she tells me that she was just joking and that I am too serious. Sometimes she pressures me into eating more because I feel guilty that I am not eating "enough".
R has mentioned that she has an eating disorder, but had never specified what eating disorder and is usually very quiet about it. She said that she doesn’t think that it’s necessary for people to know about it, that it wasn’t a big deal, which I just went with.
I have a BMI of 29 and R has a BMI of 48. I know this because there is a scale at our mutual’s house. I weighed myself privately, then our mutual got curious–and then my heart dropped as I saw R get on the scale too. A few days later, she told us that she relapsed–and said that she was diagnosed with bulimia years ago but she didn’t agree with the diagnosis–that she only makes herself throw-up “sometimes”.
Today a skinny friend of ours said that he was trying to lose weight. I admit that I didn’t know how to respond, as I didn’t know why he needed to lose weight–but that’s the thing, I DON’T know why, so I respected his personal choice regardless. R texted me privately and said that she “hated skinny people” and that she was going to mute discord, whereas I told this skinny friend about my weight loss so far in an attempt to be supportive.
In the end, I sit here and reflect–and I think that I have been extremely insensitive to my friend. It’s really hard not to talk about what’s going on in my life, but I can hold my tongue if necessary–and I just keep on talking about food and weight in front of a friend who hates that kind of talk. I guess I’m making this post just to see what other reddit users think about this situation, and if you guys have any advice.
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