5'10, SW:240 CW: 235
TW: ED
I gained 100 lbs in bulimia recovery, and I have been trying to lose weight for two years, with no success. I know exactly what I was doing wrong the first 10 times, and made a vow to be kinder with myself this time around.
I suffer from thinking about things in black and white— in my previous attempts at weight loss, having a maintenance day would be an excuse for me to binge for an entire week. My old self would have given up by now, because every single one of my previous weight loss attempts followed the same formula. I would starve myself and kill myself with cardio. I would lose about 10 lbs in a week or two, then binge, gain it all back and give up.
I officially started my journey about three weeks ago, but I made the mistake of not weighing myself on the first week. However, on June 17th I weighed in at 240 lbs, I could have weighed more before.
I have a new outlook now and a new mentality. I eat about 1,900 calories (-400 below my maintenance), where as before I would try to eat 1,600. I also go to the gym and weight train 3x a week and do cardio twice a week.
Long story short, this week I had a lot of plans with friends. I ended up drinking a lot of alcohol, having fast food almost every day, and I had two mini-binges. I also didn't go to the gym because I pulled a muscle in my calf, but I was walking quite a bit.
However, this time around instead of feeling defeated and throwing my progress to the wind, I counted calories 5/7 days of the week, even if I didn't like the number I was seeing. I ate around my maintenance and some days I was on a deficit. I still ended up losing a pound!
I've finally broken the restrict-binge cycle, and I'm still seeing progress on days that I'm eating at maintenance! I can't tell you guys how excited I am, because like I said the old me would have given up by now. She would have had a few 4,000 calorie binge days and gained back all the weight.
I feel unstoppable, I feel like I'm even more committed than before to sticking this out. Even if there are some weeks where all I'm doing is maintaining my weight, it doesn't feel like a set back anymore. It feels like self care.
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