This post has absolutly no reason besides venting into the void.
I lost so much weight, worked my ass off for years. Im working out 6 days a week, 70 to 90 minutes. I am around 156 pounds, maintaining my weight by eating a lot on the weekend. I needed to maintain my weight in order to start trying getting those skin removal surgerys paid by my insurance.
For this I visited a clinic 4 weeks ago. The doctor looked at my body, a friend of mine was with me. Im mentally pretty strong, but this thing man...
To say, that im stressed out because of the whole skin situation would be an understatement. I always knew how bad it must look. I mean im not stupid - just because I wear glasses doesnt mean I dont see the flabby belly, my arms and my legs. That doctor was nice. And to make my suffering and emberassment even worse, that doctor was Handsome. I will never ever in my life forget, when we spoke about my none existing boobs and to lift them up, how he grabbed them and rolled them up like a friggin Sushi roll. And he was like "Well, they would be a bit smaller, but fitting for your small frame!" Thanks doc. At least I have a small frame, fitting for my Sushi roll boobs.
In the same clinic they took pictures from me, completly naked. I knew those pictures would be horrible, which is good, right? If it looks terrible the insurance is likely to say: "Crap, look at that shit. We should pay so we dont have to look at this anymore."
Fast forward two weeks, I get an USB Stick with those pictures. Im to afraid to look at them, so I put the stick away. Today i recieved my appraisal. Looked good, the doctor wrote everything i hoped for. So today was the first time im looking at those pictures of myself. And god damn, I was horrified. I always thought: "Well the back or the legs cannot be that bad, right?" Wrong. Everything is bad, absolutly everything. I remember somebody in this sub called himself a "melted candle" and to be absolutly honest, im the pinacle of this. Looking at this, I really am surprised how I am able to work out like this. No fucking surprise my back hurts like crazy after my sport. No fucking surprise, after 6 days of working out that hard constantly I feel like crap.
Seeing those pictures raises the question: Do i regret loosing all that weight? No. For sure not. Even with that skin, even with the pain... I still feel better. I mean I was in pain before as well, but at least I can move now. No diabetes anymore. I can do stuff, without thinking about EVERYTHING.
Man, I was thinking about sharing some of my skin pictures in case I get those surgerys. But now im afraid even a NSFW tag is not suitable for this.
Im sorry guys, this post is just me venting - I dont have any other void or pool of people who could understand the struggles I go through. If you are reading this: Thank you - I will keep you guys posted as soon as I get a reply from my insurance. Fingers crossed.
TL:DR: I look like a melted candle but it was still worth the weight loss.
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